Random thoughts for August 21st

It’s time for another round of randomly selected thoughts from my mind… you’ve been warned.

The old saying is that ‘no news is good news’ so does that mean we should all stop watching or reading any news?

If you give a cat a a half cup of catnip, is there anything left in an hour?

It seems like the weather still can’t settle down and behave, or perhaps it’s the weather forecasters that can’t seem to get it right.

Everywhere you look there are political ads, it’s enough to make anyone wish that the Roman Empire hadn’t fallen… wouldn’t you rather deal with well built roads than political ads?

I find it amazing that the ancient Roman where able to build roads that are still around today, while we’re lucky if a new road lats ten years without needing a lot of repairs.

I’m really looking forward to the season premiere of Doctor Who this saturday, I’ve been eagerly waiting for months. I’m not yet sure how the new Doctor will stack up with the past few, but I’ve got high hopes.

Thanks for reading, I hope you found something interesting in this.

Jokes for August 20th

Tonight I’ve got several new jokes for you. They aren’t good jokes, but I think you might get a few laughs out of them. I hope you enjoy.

Whats

What’s the difference between a weather forecaster and a politician?

One talks about hot breezes, the other talks hot air.

What does a slow race car and a politician have in common?

They both go a mile a minute.

What do you can a fish that lives in the desert?

Sandy.

What sport is played in the kitchen?

Bowling

Whys

Why did the parrot quote Shakespear?

The real question is if the parrot was a bee or not a be.

Why did the baseball club fill it’s stands with blowers?

They needed more fans.

Why did the bookshelf keep losing it’s books?

The cat scared the Dickens out of it.

Joke
.

A gypsy, a beggar and a cleric walked past a bar.
“What a gip, they don’t serve werewolves,” the gypsy said in disgust as he glanced at a sign in the bar window.
“I beg to differ,” the beggar began but the cleric interrupted shouting “Holy flying androids!” as he ducked a smartphone.

That’s it for tonight. I hope at least one of these got you to chuckle.
Do you think these jokes stink? Are these gut busters? Let me know what you think! I’m always interested.
Thanks for reading!

Time flys…

Some days time flys, though I can’t say what kind of bird it flys like.
I suppose that it might fly more like an airplane, or a helicopter.
Tonight I’m asking your thoughts of this subject. How do you think time flys? Like an eagle, swift and gracefully.
Like a crow, jumping from place to place in search of food.
Like a jet? Like a bi-plane?
Slow and clumsy like a chicken?
Or is time more like a penguine? Flightless?

Let me know what you think.
Thanks for reading my rambling thought.

Wacky logic for August 18th

Tonight I’m proving just how illogical logic can be. I hope you get a chuckle from these pieces of logic.

Coffee and doctors

Coffee is a drink.

Coffee is not free.

Doctors don’t work for free.

A doctor can treat a cough.

Therefore a doctor is coffee.

Coffee and Scotch

Coffee is a drink.

Scotch is a drink.

Coffee is served iced.

Scotch is served with ice.

Many people like coffee.

Many people like scotch.

Therefore Coffee is the same as Scotch.

Thanks for reading, I hope that you take these pieces of logic like the humor there are intended as.
Feel free to comment!

How to ruin any food: Coleslaw

Tonight we’re looking at coleslaw and how to ruin it. Love it or hate it, everyone has tasted coleslaw at least once in their lives. Tonight we’re looking at how to ruin it.

Before we begin, I want to offer these normal words of warning:

WARNING: DO NOW READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY FOOD!

The rest of this post is designed to be humorous and is not intended to be taken seriously. Any attempt to ingest the substance described in the following paragraphs is not suggested and should be avoided. You’ve been warned.

 

History of tonight’s food:

 

For once I’ve chosen a food that can be traced, more or less.

The name coleslaw has been corrupted from the dutch word Koolsa. It literally means cabbage salad. It was brought to New York (then known as New Amsterdam) by the dutch around the eighteenth century, give or take a few years.

When taken as the term ‘cabbage salad’ several sources I’ve found admit that the ancient Greeks and Romans likely enjoyed it that way.

However as mayonnaise wasn’t well-known in most parts of the world until around the eighteen century our modern coleslaw is doubtful to have existed before than.

If you’re interested in more history, I’ve found these two sites very helpful:

 

http://www.culinarylore.com/food-history:where-does-coleslaw-come-from

http://www.theoldfoodie.com/2006/10/in-name-of-coleslaw.html

 

What it is:

Simply put, coleslaw is chopped cabbage, mayonnaise and seasonings. It often has carrots in it.

 

How to ruin it:

The quickest way to ruin coleslaw is to cook it.

However we’re going to look at several other ways to ruin it by changing the ingredients.Cabbage replacements:Replace the cabbage with kale.Replace the cabbage with thin slices of potatoes.Replace cabbage with red onions.

Seasonings:

Instead of celery seed, try adding dill seed, this should change the taste enough to where few people would enjoy it.

Instead of carrots, try dicing an orange hot pepper into your coleslaw.

 

Also consider adding one or more of the following spices to your coleslaw:

Cumin

Sage

Garlic

Curry powder

Chili powder

Nutmeg

Allspice

Minced liquorice

Raspberries

Blackberries

Basil

Marjoram

 

Sauce:

Add one of these ingredients or replace the mayonnaise with one of these.

 

Anchovies

Sour cream

Alfredo sauce

Cottage cheese

Cream cheese

Cola

Lemonade

 

Any of these changes or additions will ensure that your coleslaw is indeed ruined.

 

Coleslaw for cats?

While working on these ideas, I’ve come up with a ‘coleslaw’ for cats. It’s not a real coleslaw, but it’s not a salad either. What do you think?

 

Catnip

Anchovies

Any greens your cat may like.

 

Thanks for joining me again this Saturday night, I hope you’ve enjoyed this post on how to ruin coleslaw  .
Join me again next week when I attempt to ruin another beloved food.
Please leave any comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts about ruining food, I’ll take suggestions for next weeks food as well

 

Random thoughts for August 15th

As I don’t have any better ideas for a blog post tonight, I’ll share a few more random thoughts with you… you’ve been warned.

August in half over, it’s been such a quick summer that it should be spelled sumr.

While it’s supposedly for a good cause, I just don’t get the ‘Ice bucket challenge’ that every one is doing right now.
I also find myself wondering what it’ll be changed to for the winter, though I suppose a ‘coffee cup challange’ could also work, you could just donate a buck for every cup of coffee you drink.

As fall draws near, I see that the political season is in full steam. I keep wondering if there isn’t a better way to choose who gets to waste money… perhaps by joustng? Just imagine the number of spectators that would come out to see two politicians knock one another off a horse with lances.

While I know this post has been odd, I hope you’ll keep reading my future posts, I promise I’ll try to make them better than this.
Thanks for reading

A test for cats

If you spy a ball of yarn, what do you do?

1: Ignore it, you’ve got better things to do.
2: Bat it around out of boredom.
3: Knock it under a human’s feet to get ther attention to feed you.
4: Play with it wildly to ensure you look cute enough to get more food and a treat.
5: Any of the above.

Correct answer: 5.

You are offered either food or catnip, which do you choose?

1: Catnip.
2: Food.
3: Finagle your way into both.

Correct answer: 3

A human is coming near, do you:

1: Poke around as if hunting to get more food.
2: Run up against them to get catnip.
3: Run underfoot, trip the human and make them feel uilty enough to give you food, catnip and a treat.
4: Any or all of the above.

Correct answer: 4

You’ve just eaten a nice meal, you’re ready to settle in for a nap but you find a human in your preferred spot, do you:

1: Find another place to sleep.
2: Wake the human by knocking something over.
3: Shove the foolish human out of the way and show them who owns that spot.

Correct answer: 3.

You see a fly hovering around the highest self in the room, what do you do?

1: Ignore it, there will be others.
2: Stare at it as you slowly assert your will over it and sraw it to you.
3: Meow loudly until human bats it toward the floor.
4: Find a route that will knock over the most objects.
5: Any of the above.

Correct answer: 6.
———————————————–

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed this. Feel free to add your own in the comments!

Jokes for August 13th

It’s Wednesday again, time for more joke! I’m not sure if you’ll enjoy these jokes, but I have high hopes.
Tonight I’m going to try something new, I’m going to write a joke in different ways, I want you to tell me in the comments which one you enjoy.

Why do…

Why do baseball teams refuse to hire gardeners to pull weeds?
Because they want more rooting.

Why do pirates sleep poorly?
Because they drink grog.

How do…

How do you tell if a pirate drank watered rum?
He’s groggy.

How do you know if a parrot once belonged to a pirate?
It’s not easy, but an eye patch and cutlas are two good clues.

Jokes

In deep space there is a planet inhabited by a race of people made entirely out of gold. They also are incredibly rude. They are known as the cold gold golems.

A cowboy was traveling through Europe, he kept looking around for some place to buy supplies, finally, annoyed beyond belief, he stopped a politician.
‘This here is Europe, right?’ The cowboy asked, when the politician nodded, he asked ‘then where is all this rope eur using?’

Joe and jane were enjoying a picnic one day. Joe turned to Jane and asked “How do you like the maize?”
“It’s a bit corny,” she replied.

Which is better?

Did you hear about the king of a land of measuring devices? He likes being called the Ruler of the rulers.

What do you call the king of a land that is composed of measuring devices?
The Ruler of the rulers.

Who rules in the land of measuring sticks?
The Ruler of the rulers.

Two cat jokes

What is a cat’s favorite play?
A midsummer’s night dream feast.

How can you tell if a cat has eaten his fill?
Is there food left? If so, he’s still hungry.

That’s it for tonight, I hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes and this post. I enjoyed writing it.
Please remember to comment about which version of the ruler joke you like best.

What if… for August 11th

Tonight I’ve got a few more what ifs for you:

What if…

Keyboards were places to store your keys?

Laptops were always cats?

A Forecast was something you did with a fishing rod?

Coins had three sides?

Cats slept less?

It was always baseball season?

Cats could fly?

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed these, they should be worth a chuckle.

How to ruin any food: Fried chicken

Tonight we’re looking at fried chicken and how to ruin it. Almost everyone has an opinion on fried chicken, but I’m not interested in your opinion or anyone’s in fact. That is not the focus of this post, of course, tonight we’re looking at how to ruin them.

Before we begin, I want to offer these normal words of warning:

WARNING: DO NOW READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY FOOD!

The rest of this post is designed to be humorous and is not intended to be taken seriously. Any attempt to ingest the substance described in the following paragraphs is not suggested and should be avoided. You’ve been warned.

 

History of tonight’s food:

Once again I have chosen a food that has been around so long that it’s origin has been lost to history.

From what I can find, fried chicken has been around since at least middle ages if not longer, perhaps even ancient Roman ate fried chicken, at least according to a few sources.

It seems that frying has always been an easy way to cook food, thus it’s been used as long as there has been oil for frying in.

It makes you wonder if certain junk food would have been fried in ancient times if they had been around, or course we will never know.

An interesting site that has what is said to be an ancient recipe for fried chicken is http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodmeats.html#friedchicken

 

What it is

Simply put, fried chicken is a chicken cut into pieces and fried, it is normally dipped in flour to bread it.

 

How to ruin it

 

Ruining fried chicken is simple, just leave it in the oil until it’s burned.

If you want other ways to ruin it, consider one or more of the following:

Flour

 

The flour the chicken is coated with is normally seasoned. Consider using any of the following seasonings:

 

Beet powder

Curry powder

Cumin powder

Brown sugar

Tomato powder with beet powder

Cayenne powder

Ginger powder

Anice

Nutmeg

Cinnamon

 

After it’s fried

 

Many people enjoy a sauce to dip their chicken in, consider having an odd sauce at the ready, such as:

 

Sweet and sour sauce

Chocolate sauce

Soy sauce

Melted ice cream lightly warmed

Frosting

Horse radish sauce

Root beer

Oyster sauce

 

If those ideas don’t ruin your fried chicken, I don’t know what will!

 

Thanks for joining me again this Saturday night, I hope you’ve enjoyed this post on how to ruin French fries.
Join me again next week when I attempt to ruin another beloved food.
Please leave any comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts about ruining food, I’ll take suggestions for next weeks food as well