Today I have a few words of advice to see you through the terrors that you could possibly encounter today:
- Eat a lot of garlic, it’s good for you and if you encounter a Vampire it might drive him away.
- Carry a few packets of ketchup in your pockets, if zombies start chasing you, just apply it to your skin and clothing, start moaning like the zombies are and imitate their walk, you might be able to move through them without trouble. If you don’t encounter any zombies, you’re still ready for some french fries!
- Wear a sprig of wolfsbane if you can find one, it’ll help keep away werewolves and you can claim it’s a fashion statement.
- If you are worried about vampires in your neighborhood, get a steel collar with a chain attached to it, I doubt any vampire has strong enough fangs to go through steel and you would have a number of different costumes to claim it is part of.
As I don’t want to single out any one group, I’ll also add a few tips for any monsters reading this:
- Vampires, don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, it just makes it easier to drive a stake through it.
- Werewolves, don’t attack normal people, attack those we don’t like, terrorists, murderers, whoever created the healthcare website, ect. No one will go after you, at least I don’t think they will.*
- Witches, if you don’t give away something besides eye of newt, you won’t get anyone ringing your doorbell.
- Ghosts, don’t just haunt anyone, haunt the NSA, isn’t it about time someone looks over their shoulders?
* I am not advocating any werewolf (or anyone who thinks he or she is a werewolf) attack any person or group of persons.
I believe if you follow these simple suggestions, you will have a good change at having a safe holiday.
Thanks for reading and have a spooky Halloween!