How to destroy a classic movie: Easter Parade

It’s Friday night, time to rewrite yet another Hollywood classic. This week I’ve selected Easter Parade for obvious reasons.
I’ve got several interesting ideas to add to this movie to ruin it, not that it deserves being ruined, but I try not to play favorites.
Let’s get started.

The plot:

The original movie takes place in the glory days of Broadway, back when Ziegfeld had his Follies. Staring Fred Astaire and Judy Garland.
It follows Don Hewes career, as the movie starts, we find Don out buying gifts for his dancing partner, but as always happens, she decides to strike out on her own, leaving Don in the lurch, desperate to find a new partner. Enter Hannah Brown, a chorus girl who caught Don’s eye in a bar.
A period of trial and error ensues, which threatens to spell the end of Don Hewes career, but eventually everything turns out alright and they get their own show.
The old partner tries to lure Don back, but he’s happy enough with Hannah and their new show.
Hannah’s upset, for a moment it looks like everything is ruined again, but at the last moment everything falls into place the they end up walking in the Easter Parade, a year after they met, they live happily ever after we’re left to assume.
You can of course read more about it on the Wikipedia page here:

Our remake:

We’ve got to update things a bit, as most people have never heard of Ziegfeld or his Follies. We’ll set our movie in the future, it’s a time where several space stations and mining colonies have been established, to keep chaos to a minimum and force the miners to ignore their constant danger, there are roving bands of actors traveling from place to place. To make it more interesting, these actors mostly come from prisons where the inmates are can opt to become actors for a reduced sentence.
Our hero, Ron Hues, just found out that his fellow actors don’t want him around anymore, he foolishly declares that he doesn’t need them, he can get a new partner anywhere.
While Ron is signing documents in the wardens office of the main prison, he points to a woman in irons and says that she has more talent than the rest of the actors traveling currently, the warden laughs and turns her over to him, revealing that the woman in question was on death row, having been convicted of murdering a dozen people while running guns and drugs.

The next scene had Ron and the woman (who goes without a name to add mystery to the story) on an outpost on the far reaches of the solar system. They sing and dance, making a name for themselves, until a deadly virus hits the station, turning the infected into murderous zombies.
Chaos ensues, high explosives add special effects, as does gunfire galore… Just about every trope related to zombies can and should be used here.
The story behind the virus is revealed: Ron’s ex partner arrived with the virus aboard a shuttle that had recently been on a station devoted to bio experiments, it has since been destroyed as a virus devastated it as well.
During zombie killing scenes there can be singing and dancing. Musical numbers should be inserted in all slow spots, the songs can run the gauntlet from sweet to violent.
There should be a showdown between Ron’s ex partner and the murderess set to music, if done right it could seem like they are involved in some kind of dance.
After all the zombies have been killed, Don and the murderess return to Earth just in time for the Easter Parade, their crimes forgiven and hailed as heroes.
As the screen fades to black, show a piece of the destroyed station tumbling to Earth, leaving the views to wonder if the virus has come to Earth to kill off all of humanity… It also allows for a sequel.

I hope you’ve enjoyed ruining a classic movie tonight. Feel free to comment.


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