How to ruin any meal: Spaghetti

Tonight we’re once again looking at how to ruin any meal, I’m referring to cooking any meal, what you do after cooking it to either enjoy or ruin it is entirely up to you.
Tonight our sights are set on spaghetti: thin round strips of pasta, normally served in a tomato sauce with spices, quite possibly sausage or meatballs and covered in grated Parmesan cheese, what could be better?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

Over the years spaghetti has changed quite a bit, the length has been nearly cut in half from the early part of last century. Also it has enjoyed a healthy amount of humor surrounding it, such as the famous spaghetti tree hoax in 1957 by the BBC, in more recent history there has been a cult-like following of the ‘Flying Spaghetti monster”. .. it is not my intention to bring any religious topic into my blog, however I felt this should be noted.

Now on to the ruining of food!

 

While at first glance it doesn’t seem a likely food to ruin, it’s not as hard as you think. While we could just dump a pile of uncooked pasta on someone’s plate, there by ruining a meal, I don’t feel that that goes far enough.

If you wanted to, you could make your own spaghetti noodles, adding food coloring to dye it green, or read or purple, that would look quite odd and go a long way towards ruining the meal.

You can also serve it slightly undercooked, when it’s still tough, which also would add to ruining the meal, however the best option lies in the sauce.

 

Sauce 1:

Take a can of tomato sauce, add cumin powder, ginger, curry powder and anchovies, serve cold.

 

Sauce 2:

Take tomato sauce, add a can of cola, stir in a cup of honey, add carrots. Serve warm.

 

Sauce 3:

Make a sweet and sour sauce like you would for Chinese food, serve with wontons over spaghetti noodles.

 

Sauce 4:

Make guacamole, color it red, add broccoli and serve.

 

Sauce 5:

Make a normal spaghetti sauce, dice and add rhubarb to taste, melt two chocolate bars into sauce and serve frozen.

 

Sauce 6:

Take a normal spaghetti sauce. Instead of meatballs, add hard-boiled eggs.

 

Sauce 7:

Take  normal spaghetti sauce, add sausage. Note, use Swedish potato sausage instead of Italian, it will confuse anyone eating it, the texture is different enough to ruin the meal.

 

Sauce 8:

melt several pounds of chocolate and mix with pureed strawberries, serve with grated white chocolate and whipped cream.

 

Cheese:

Parmesan is the normal cheese we put on top,but consider added finely grated while Cheddar, Monterrey Jack or Limburger, any of these will change the taste enough to ruin spaghetti.

 

A few more suggestions:

Carefully consider the taste you’re looking for, if you want a sweet sauce over your spaghetti, I’d suggest serving a nice red wine vinegar with it,  the tanginess will offset the sweetness nicely.

Use grapefruit juice if you are using hard-boiled eggs, they are both considered by some part of breakfast.

If you prefer something clearer, try straight vodka, your guests will thanks you after trying these sauces.

With sauce 8, you can eat it yourself and tell your guests that the sauce didn’t turn out, serve the pasta with a light coating of olive oil instead, you still get the last laugh as you’ve eaten the best part.

 

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of How to Ruin a Meal. Please feel free to relate your tales of ruining food in the comments below. Join me again next week when we see how to ruin another meal or part of a meal!

Thanks for reading!

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2 thoughts on “How to ruin any meal: Spaghetti

  1. Oh the stories I could tell. I got married not knowing how to cook really. But my new husband and I lived in Las Vegas at the time and I knew nothing about desert water. I grew up with sweet Midwest USA water. Drink it from the hose line of water. I made soup. 1 bag frozen veggies, 5 tablespoons chicken bouillon (explained in a moment), chicken – very expensive for us newlyweds. 10 cups water from the sink. No amount of bouillon could take away the bleach smell or taste from the water. My husband told me after I made the soup I should have walked to the store to get a gallon of filtered water.

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