How to ruin any meal: Doughnuts

Tonight we’re once again looking at how to ruin any meal, I’m referring to cooking any meal, what you do after cooking it to either enjoy or ruin it is entirely up to you.
Tonight I have a special subject for you, doughnuts. While most people wouldn’t consider a doughnut to be much more than a tasty snack, I decided to focus on them this week in honor of National Doughnut day, which was yesterday. That said, many of you will probably admit to eating a doughnut for breakfast, who doesn’t, at least now and then?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let’s take a quick look at just what a doughnut is and a bit of its history.

A doughnut is simply a fried or baked piece of dough at its heart, while you can do many things to it to change both how it looks and tastes, the fact remains that it is a piece of dough to start with.

Much about doughnuts isn’t known, its origins are a bit hazy and possibly lost to time, though there are many theories about the origins of the humble doughnut. From a ship’s captain needing to put it on the wheel in a storm (logical but denied by the captain cited), to possibly dating back hundreds or thousands of years depending on your definition and if you trust archeologists.

George Wilbur Peck is possibly the man who changed the spelling to “Donut”, or at least he is the first person to record the usage in his stories.

While I could expound upon doughnuts for hours, that’s not why we’re here tonight, we’re here to ruin doughnuts, which is really a shame because I enjoy them.

Before we get to work, I’d like to take the moment to share two sites with you for more information about doughnuts:

Wikipedia has an interesting page, it lists a lot of regional doughnuts:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doughnut#Possible_origins

Also the Smithsonian has a rather large article on doughnutshttp://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-history-of-the-doughnut-150405177/?no-istIt’s an interesting way to spend a few minutes of time. One word of warning, make sure you have a dozen doughnuts handy before you begin.

 

There are several ways to ruin doughnuts, which is unfortunate as I love them but here we go: the dough, the frosting, glaze or sugar-coating, also the filling if applicable.

Let’s start with the dough:

A doughnut normally uses a sweet dough, simply reducing the sugar in the dough will result in a less sweet doughnut, serve it plain and it’s not very appetizing at all.

 

Next the topping:

 

Reducing the sugar in the frosting is one way to lessen the enjoyment of a doughnut. For chocolate frosting try to get to as near 100% cacao as possible, it’ll be a bitter frosting, but diehard chocolate lovers may still enjoy it.

 

Instead of a strawberry frosting, try a tomato one, it’ll still be pink in color and it’ll startle anyone biting into it.

 

Instead of rolling a doughnut in sugar, roll it in salt, no one will eat this.

 

A glaze with vinegar in it would change the taste of a doughnut and leave the taster thinking he or she had just bitten into a lemon.

 

The Filing:

 

This is where ruining a doughnut is simplest, you just replace the sweet cream or custard with one of the following:

 

Sour cream.

Guacamole.

Salsa.

Alfredo sauce

Tomato paste.

Pickle relish.

Mayonnaise .

Sweet and sour sauce.

Mustard.

Ketchup.

Coleslaw.

 

I think that’s more than enough ways to ruin a poor doughnut, don’t you?

Thank you for reading, I’m sorry about ruining doughnuts, but after reading this tonight, you can thank your baker that he or she doesn’t read my blog… if they do read it and enjoy my posts on how to ruin food, I suggest you find yourself a new baker.

I hope you’ll be looking forward to next week, where we’ll ruin some other meal or part of a meal, rest assured it won’t be doughnuts again.

Feel free to offer your thoughts on doughnuts below.

 

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3 thoughts on “How to ruin any meal: Doughnuts

  1. Hmmm a salt and vinegar donut doesn’t sound too bad actually, rolled in salt with a vinegar glaze. Maybe I need to go to bed. I am seriously considering trying that!

    Like

    1. There is a possibility that such a doughnut might taste good, if you do try it, let me know how it tastes, I’d be interested in knowing how it tastes. You might consider rolling the doughnut in salt and vinegar potato chip crumbs, that would give it a bit of crunch as well.
      I’m glad you like noted this post. Thanks for reading my blog!

      Liked by 1 person

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