How to destroy a classic movie: The Alamo

It’s Friday night again and we’re going to have some fun redoing a classic movie again.
Tonight I’m going to have some fun, instead of the normal sci-fi adaptation of a classic, I’m going to redo The Alamo as a comedy.
You might wonder why I’m doing this movie as a comedy, there are reasons, which you will understand in a bit.
I know The Alamo has been remade, but not like this.

The plot

The plot of The Alamo is well known, a band of Texans are besieged in the Alamo, they hold out as long as they can, but they all die in the end.
This was also one of the few movies that John Wayne, the Duke, died in.

Our movie

We’re going to change quite a few things in our movie.
First of all, we want to keep anyone from complaining about changing history, so we’ll set our movie in a dystopian future.
Next well change the name to Remember the a la mode.
Now let’s get to work.

In a not so distant future, Texas is it’s own republic once more and once again forces from Mexico are trying to reclaim it.
A group of brave fighters take the Alamo, but as the Mexican troops appear on the horizon, they realize that the last of their ammunition has run out. Luck is with them as the Mexican soldiers are in the same dilemma.
As the battle must go on, the brave defenders turn innovators, making do with what they have on hand. Unfortunately the Alamo had been turned into an ice cream plant, leaving the defenders to fight with ice cream and ice cream treats.
During one battle, the defenders fling ice cream sandwiches at the attacker, the next battle sees them using ice cream cones as arrows.
The Mexican forces have turned ice into weapons, enter the ice blaster, a machine that rapidly fires ice cubes.
As the Alamo is in a desert, neither side gains much in each battle, their weapons melt too quickly.
After several battles, both sides begin to run out of their makeshift weapons and are forced to duke it out.
Dinally, seeing an opportunity to end their strife and make money, the two sides negotiate peace and start selling lemonade and ice cream.
The end.

This should be a funny, slapstick movie in the best tradition of old movies… Which is why it’ll never be made.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this movie remake and I hope you’ve enjoyed these ice cream posts this week.
Thanks for reading, feel free to comment.

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