How to ruin any food: Hot Dogs

Tonight we’re looking taking a break from ice cream and looking at how to ruin hot dogs. At first glance the humble hot dog seems like an easy food to ruin, but we’ll find out in just a few moments.

Before we begin, I want to offer these normal words of warning:



The rest of this post is designed to be humorous and is not intended to be taken seriously. Any attempt to ingest the substance described in the following paragraphs is not suggested and should be avoided. You’ve been warned.


History of tonight’s food:


While a single thought about hot dogs would seem to suggest little odd about them, a bit of digging into their storied history shows that the origin of the hot dog is as confusing as any food I’ve tackled here before.

Even the century that they were invented in is uncertain. One legend says that in 1484 in Frankfurt Germany the hot dog was invented, another tale claims that it was invented in the 1690s in Coburg, Germany, yet a third claim cites 1805 in Vienna, Austria, the term ‘wiener’  was first used. No matter which story is correct,  one thing is indisputable, the fact that nearly everyone has eaten a hotdog.

The hotdog bun is also a confusing item, but I’m not looking at that tonight.

It is a fact that after hot dogs were served on Coney Island, N.Y. it has been an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.


What it is:


Everyone knows what a hot dog is, right? It’s a kind of sausage in a bun with toppings on it.


How to ruin it:


The best way to ruin a hot dog is by changing the toppings on it, even though many people would claim that any hotdog is already ruined just because it is a hot dog.


Ketchup is a standard topping, one that we can replaced with crushed raspberries, strained and thickened slightly until it is nearly the same consistency of ketchup.


Mustard is another typical topping, while not as easy to replace, we can do our best with Avocado paste dyed yellow, while it’s not necessarily a way to ruin it in and of itself, it will confuse most people.


Many people like chili on their hotdogs, consider making a batch of chili with chocolate chips instead of beans, season it with cinnamon instead of peppers and add anchovies to it.


Other toppings to consider:


Chocolate syrup: thick and tasty, but not a normal topping  for a hotdog.

Replace onions with chopped pineapple.

Butterscotch: everyone loves butterscotch, right?

Pickled beets.

Pickled apples.

Apple sauce.

Barbeque sauce.

Pop Rocks.

Cherry jam.

Diced turnips.


One last way to ruin it would be to pre-cook the hotdog and freeze it, then serve it frozen, no one likes a cold hot dog… though I guess that would technically be an ice dog.


I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, I enjoyed writing it. I hope that you won’t try any of these, though if you do I’d like to hear about your reaction.

I hope you’ll join me again next week, when another unsuspecting food will face ruination.

Would you like me to tackle potato salad? Something else with ice cream? Or do you have a suggestion for me? Let me know!

Thanks for reading and feel free to comment.




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