Tonight I thought I’d try something a bit different. Instead of looking at different ways to ruin a food, I thought I’d high light a few foods that come pre-ruined.
While this list may be slightly controversial, I feel that it’s mostly true.
A list is the best way to get started, so…
- Rutabaga: Do you really want to ruta a bega?
- Turnips: Turn nips, something that nips as you turn?
- Brussels sprouts: A sprouted city?
- Cauliflower: California flowers?
- Lima beans: Beans from Lima? Really? Couldn’t you be a bit more globally accepting? Are beans from Lima really that much better? What if you grow them in Texas?
- Field corn: Doesn’t all corn grow in fields? This just happens to be nearly inedible.
What about foods and drinks that are named funny?
- Walnuts: Nuts that grow on walls? Or nuts from Walmart? Either way…
- Gin: Are you drinking or playing cards?
- Bamboo shoots: Do you really want to mess with food that packs heat?
- Coleslaw: Slaw made from coal? Or is it coal from Slovakia?
- Mac and cheese: Don’t you think Mac’s a little annoyed about being covered in cheese? Isn’t he a truck driver too?
- Bloody Mary’s: Are you a cannibal or something?
- Blackened anything: Blackened? I thought it was burnt.
- Kumquat: Isn’t that a kind of exercise?
- Wine: Yes, wine. I know what you’re thinking -Why would anyone complain about wine? Wine’s great, you say, I’m crazy you say. Well, let’s quit whining about wine, okay?
- Brandy: Is it a drink or another cannibal thing?
- Sloppy Joes: Are you describing a food or poor table manners?
- Hot dogs: Don’t leave them in a car, just give them some water a shade… hmm? It’s not a pet? Oh…
- Corn Dogs: What, couldn’t you find a German shepherd to watch your corn?
- Nacho tortilla chips: You use tortilla chips to make nachos, not the other way around.
Pastas are just as bad…
- Vermicelli: I’d rather have them in my garden.
- Linguine: Little tongues? More cannibals!
- Penne: I’d be using one now if I didn’t have my keyboard.
- Orecchiette: Little ears? Is everyone a cannibal now?
While I could go one for quite a while, I think this is enough for tonight.
Thanks for reading and eat well… only hopefully not like a cannibal even though so much food sounds like it is.
Next week we’ll return to our normal ruining of food.
Feel free to comment.