HoW to ruin any food: A look at food names

Tonight I thought I’d try something a bit different. Instead of looking at different ways to ruin a food, I thought I’d high light a few foods that come pre-ruined.

While this list may be slightly controversial, I feel that it’s mostly true.

A list is the best way to get started, so…


  • Rutabaga: Do you really want to ruta a bega?
  • Turnips: Turn nips, something that nips as you turn?
  • Brussels sprouts: A sprouted city?
  • Cauliflower: California flowers?
  • Lima beans: Beans from Lima? Really? Couldn’t you be a bit more globally accepting? Are beans from Lima really that much better? What if you grow them in Texas?
  • Field corn: Doesn’t all corn grow in fields? This just happens to be nearly inedible.


What about foods and drinks that are named funny?

  • Walnuts: Nuts that grow on walls? Or nuts from Walmart? Either way…
  • Gin: Are you drinking or playing cards?
  • Bamboo shoots: Do you really want to mess with food that packs heat?
  • Coleslaw: Slaw made from coal? Or is it coal from Slovakia?
  • Mac and cheese: Don’t you think Mac’s a little annoyed about being covered in cheese? Isn’t he a truck driver too?
  • Bloody Mary’s: Are you a cannibal or something?
  • Blackened anything: Blackened? I thought it was burnt.
  • Kumquat: Isn’t that a kind of exercise?
  • Wine: Yes, wine. I know what you’re thinking -Why would anyone complain about wine?  Wine’s great, you say, I’m crazy you say. Well, let’s quit whining about wine, okay?
  • Brandy: Is it a drink or another cannibal thing?
  • Sloppy Joes: Are you describing a food or poor table manners?
  • Hot dogs: Don’t leave them in a car, just give them some water a shade… hmm? It’s not a pet? Oh…
  • Corn Dogs: What, couldn’t you find a German shepherd to watch your corn?
  • Nacho tortilla chips: You use tortilla chips to make nachos, not the other way around.

Pastas are just as bad…

  • Vermicelli: I’d rather have them in my garden.
  • Linguine: Little tongues? More cannibals!
  • Penne: I’d be using one now if I didn’t have my keyboard.
  • Orecchiette: Little ears? Is everyone a cannibal now?


While I could go one for quite a while, I think this is enough for tonight.

Thanks for reading and eat well… only hopefully not like a cannibal even though so much food sounds like it is.

Next week we’ll return to our normal ruining of food.

Feel free to comment.


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