How to ruin any food: French fries

Tonight we’re looking at french fries and how to ruin them. Everyone has had a french fry, but I doubt many people have given any thought on how perfect they can be. That is not the focus of this post, of course, tonight we’re looking at how to ruin them.

Before we begin, I want to offer these normal words of warning:

WARNING: DO NOW READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY FOOD!

The rest of this post is designed to be humorous and is not intended to be taken seriously. Any attempt to ingest the substance described in the following paragraphs is not suggested and should be avoided. You’ve been warned.

History of tonight’s food:

The origins of french fries are almost as confusing as most of the foods I’ve looked at over the past few months, of course, it seems that I have a talent at finding foods that little is known about.

Little is know about the history of french fries, even the name is not clearly known.
Some sources cite WWI troops discovering fries in Belgium, thinking they were in France and calling them French fries, however other sources reference Tomas Jefferson eating ‘potatoes served in the french manner’.
No mater the history of them, everyone knows and enjoy french fries.
An interesting site of french fry fact: http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/09/the-history-of-french-fries/

What it is:

Everyone already knows what a french fry is, but just to make sure… a french fry is a raw potato sliced into strips and deep-fried until fully cooked and crisp. Afterward they are normally seasoned with at least salt.

How to ruin it:

It’s not as easy to ruin french fries as I thought, mostly because it’s a simple food. Also with the condiments or toppings served in other countries with french fries are enough to ruin french fries before I even begin.
As referenced in the site I noted above, Belgians put a raw egg on top of fries on occasion.
However, I do have a few ways to ruin them that I think are unique.

Let’s begin with the fry itself. If you remain with a simple potato slice, you can’t do much with it, however if you soak it in a salt and vinegar solution for an hour before frying, I believe you’ll find them ruined… or a hit.

Instead of salt consider coating them in:

Vinegar powder.
Onion powder.
Garlic powder.
Cumin powder.
Cocoa powder.


Condiments:

Instead of ketchup, try these:

Mustard.
Tomato puree without any seasonings.
Sweet and sour sauce.
Guacamole.
Chocolate frosting.

A few cultures dip them in thin sauces. If this appeals to you, try these:

Worcestershire sauce.
Soy sauce.
Oyster sauce.
Coffee.
Ice tea.
Lemonade.
Vodka.
Beer.

If all else fails, over fry your fries until they are hard and nearly blackened. Serve them with burned re-fried beans and act like you’re enjoying them.

Thanks for joining me again this Saturday night, I hope you’ve enjoyed this post on how to ruin French fries.
Join me again next week when I attempt to ruin another beloved food.
Please leave any comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts about ruining food, I’ll take suggestions for next weeks food as well.

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