How to ruin any food: Beverages: Lemonade

Tonight we’re looking at Lemonade and how to ruin it. First off, I know lemonade is really a beverage and not a food, however most people drink something when they eat food. I realized that beverages are one spot I’ve neglected over this series of posts. Now I aim to correct that.

Before we begin, I want to offer these normal words of warning:

WARNING: DO NOW READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY FOOD!

The rest of this post is designed to be humorous and is not intended to be taken seriously. Any attempt to ingest the substance described in the following paragraphs is not suggested and should be avoided. You’ve been warned.

 

History.

The history of lemons is a complicated one. Trying to determine when lemonade was first invented is just as hard, if not harder.

It seems that the first recorded mention of drinking lemon juice and possible lemonade is from Egypt sometime before the tenth century. That said, some murals have been found dating from Ancient Roman times that seem to depict lemons, one can only assume that is there were lemons in Ancient Rome that they were sweetening the juice to drink.

I fear we shall never know just when or where lemonade was invented.

 

What it is.

The simplest lemonade is composed of  lemon juice, water and sugar. However some lemonade is mixed with other fruits or flavors.

 

How to ruin it.

While it may seem hard to ruin something that has been mixed with numerous other fruits and flavors, I still believe that we can do it. Let’s find out:

 

    Change the juice:

First off let’s simplify a bit. A lemon is a citrus fruit, therefore any citrus fruit can be substituted. Consider using grapefruit juice and calling it lemonade.

 

      Add to it:

Here is a list of other fruits that few (if any) people would ever think to add to lemonade:

  • Kiwi
  • Tomato (it’s really a fruit, go ahead and look it up)
  • Habanero (Peppers are fruits too…)
  • jalapeno
  • Cocona (look it up, it tastes like tomatoes and lemons all ready, or so it’s said)
  • Salak fruit (it’s also known as snake fruit… just telling people they are drinking snake fruit lemonade will ruin it!)

 

Non fruit additives:

Adding non-fruits to lemonade? Why not, it’ll help ruin it.

  • Bacon (Everyone is all ready adding bacon to everything else so why not?)
  • Horseradish
  • Soy sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Ketchup (It’ll add that longed for ‘pink’ color, more or less)
  • Mustard (Why not?)
  • Pickle relish
  • Hot sauce
  • Mango salsa (There’s no other use for it)
  • Melted butter
  • Onion juice
  • Puree salmon

That’s about all I can come up with tonight, but I’m sure that there are many more things we could add to lemonade to ruin it.

 

Catade

Yes, I’ve got a recipe for a drink for cats, you knew I would, right?

It’s very simple, in fact anyone can do it. It has two ingredients.

Water

Catnip

 

You can always surprise your cat by substituting chicken broth for the water.

 

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed these ideas on for to ruin lemonade.

I hope you’ll  join me again next week when I attempt to ruin another beloved food.
Please leave any comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts about ruining food, I’ll take suggestions for next weeks food as well

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