How to ruin any food: Refried beans

Tonight I’m going to show you how to ruin refried beans. Yes, refried beans that you use inside tacos, chili, burritos and much more.  While at first glance it seems very straight forward and unruinable, that hasn’t stopped me yet!

Are you ready?

 

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

One of the reasons that I chose refried beans to ruin this week is because the origin of them is cloudy at best.

While most people agree that the name ‘refried beans’ is a corruption of ‘frijoles refritos’, that doesn’t help much with dating the origin of them.

One site that has several interesting things to say about refried beans is http://www.cooksinfo.com/refried-beans

 

What they are:

Refried beans are not really fried twice traditionally. Instead they are mashed beans that are cooked until they are soft and mostly dry.

They serve as a base in most tacos and burritos, also chili wouldn’t be possible without them, however some people will eat then with chips as a dip, many other ways to eat them also exist.

 

How to ruin:

Ruining refried beans isn’t are hard as you might think. Normally pinto beans are used, though sometime black beans are used and rarely even kidney beans can be used.

To ruin them we will first use white beans or navy beans, either will do, the slightly different kind of bean will help in the ruination process.

Another key to refried beans is the fat, it’s what gives the beans their taste, with this in mind, do not use any fat at all, substitute ketchup and allspice.

Salt is normally used to add a bit of flavor as well, instead add ground celery seed.

Those simple changes will certainty ruin your batch of refried beans.

Here are a few other ways to ruin them:

 

Pinto bean replacements:

 

Chickpeas

Lentils

Lima beans

Garbanzo beans

Adzuki beans

 

Fat replacements:

 

Anchovies

Worcestershire sauce

Steak sauce

Cola

Root beer

Tomato paste

Vinegar

 

Salt replacements:

 

Cinnamon

Black pepper

Marjoram

Bacon

Sugar

sautéed onions

Cherries

Peaches

Grape juice

 

In addition to using any of the above ingredients, consider flavoring your refried beans, some people put chilies in them, you should think about adding sweet and sour sauce, meatballs or even scrambled eggs into yours, those things can only aid in ruining them.

 

Thanks for reading, I hope these ideas will help you avoid kitchen mistakes.

Give it some thought and come up with your own ideas to ruin refriedbeans, feel free to share it in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food!

 

 

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3 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Refried beans

  1. Oh, I can ruin ’em, easy.

    I just open a can, use part of the contents, and then put the rest of the opened can in the refrigerator and forget about it because I was drunk when I made nachos that one day and now it’s the end of the week and there’s the can with it’s shrunken hard helmet of dried bean bark topping off what may or may not be a reasonably edible portion of beans further down that could be part of the next nachos craving but now I’m over Mexican food and thinking about Indian food and nothing in an Indian recipe can be substituted with refried beans with hints of lime.

    That’s how.

    Like

  2. Pingback: How to ruin any food: Soft Tacos – Mageowl's Blog

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