How to ruin any food: Chocolate chip cookies

Tonight it is with a heavy heart that I wage war on that staple of life, chocolate chip cookies. Yes, I’m about to show you how to ruin chocolate chip cookies. It is not something for the weakhearted, nor do I suggest doing this in real life, however I have taken up the mantle of ruining food and I would be remiss if I didn’t ruin even those foods I enjoy.

Shall we begin?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

Unlike most of the foods I ruin, chocolate chip cookies can be traced to one person in the 1930s… because of that I should ruin something else, however I won’t.

Everything I find cites a Mrs. Ruth Wakefield of the Toll House Inn, near Whitman, Massachusetts as the creator of the Chocolate Chip Cookie. It seems that she was making a different cookie and ran out of bakers chocolate, she substituted a Nestle chocolate bar and history was made.

One source I saw listed another cookbook as having a recipe for cookies using chocolate chips earlier than Mrs Ruth Wakefield is said to have used them, which means only that there might have been others using chunks of chocolate in cookies before her.

If you’re interested in more information on this, I suggest you visit:

http://www.kitchenproject.com/history/AmericanHeritageRecipes/ChocolateChipCookie/

For more general information on the history of cookies: http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/CookieHistory.htm

What it is:

If you don’t know what a chocolate chip cookie is, you’ve been missing out.

It’s a nice sweet cookie with chocolate chips mixed in. A perfect chocolate chip cookie has at least one chocolate chip in every bite, warm they are still melted and gooey… one of the best things in the world.

How to ruin it:

While I hate you give you a way to ruin chocolate chip cookies, I have committed myself, so here we go!

Let’s do something a bit different this time, let’s begin with what you put into chocolate chip cookies:

List of ingredients:

Flour – 2+ cups

Butter – 1 cup

Sugar – Between 3/4 and 1 cup

Brown sugar – Between 3,4 and 1 cup

Eggs – 2 -4

Baking soda – 1 to 3 teaspoons

Salt – Dash or so

Vanilla – 1 teaspoon, give or take

Chocolate chips – As many as you can mix in!

As you can see, it’s a simple recipe, which while not having as many ingredients to change, also gives us more than enough ideas to ruin it.

First let’s start with the easiest part, the chocolate chips:

Instead of chocolate chips, use raisins, they look close to chocolate chips at first glance and would be clearly a nasty surprise when you’re expecting chocolate chips.

Capers can also be used, they look close enough to fool some people.

Next consider replacing the vanilla with peppermint for a mild surprise. If you really want to ruin it this way, use root beer extract, that will ruin these cookies.

You can also use baking powder instead of soda to change how they rise, ignore the eggs to change the final product.

You can also change the amount of sugars, or leave them out entirely.

Try using olive oil instead of butter, or another strong oil, it will change the cookie completely, if it’ll even work.

I think that does it for tonight, now you know how to ruin chocolate chip cookies, it wasn’t as hard as you thought after all, was it? Not go and have a real chocolate chip cookie and be thankful that you haven’t tasted any with these changes made to ruin them.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed tonight’s ruining of chocolate chip cookies.

I hope you’ll join me again next Saturday night to ruin another food.

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