How to ruin any food: Mashed potatoes

Tonight I’m taking aim at mashed potatoes. My goal is to pummel them into a pulp that doesn’t resemble a potato at all.. whoops, I guess that’s the description of mashed potatoes.

While many if not most people like or love potatoes in every form, some few like myself dislike potatoes in most forms. It is to these people that this post is aimed.

Shall we begin?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:


The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.



Mashed potatoes were first invented when a caveman was chased from his fire by a mammoth passing through. The mammoth likely stomped the potatoes flat, the caveman not having any other food for the day discovered that mashed potatoes were much better tasting than regular potatoes. This discovery spawned a short-lived industry of mammoth herding solely to crush potatoes.

While that likely didn’t happen, there really isn’t a definitive time when potatoes were first mashed, it’s another one of those foods whose origin is lost to the depths of time.


What it is:

Mashed potatoes are simply that: potatoes that have been mashed into a pulp and perhaps flavored with some butter and/or cream added.


How to ruin it:

While such a simple food is always harder to ruin, we still have several possibilities open to us, from the potato itself to whatever seasonings you desire to put with them.

The Tuber:

The potato is just a tuber, so any root crop can be substituted. Consider using turnips, onions,  parsnips or even sweet potatoes or yams.

Just imagine sitting down to a bowl of mashed onions and gravy, or mashed turnips and butter. That’s a great way to ruin mashed potatoes in a single blow, even if you enjoy onions I doubt anyone would like them that much.


Most mashed potatoes are seasoned, consider these odd seasoning or flavoring pairs to add to regular mashed potatoes:

Honey and Cayenne

Garlic and Raspberry

Sour milk and cocoa

Sage and Peach

Sugar and Vinegar

Vinegar and Olive oil

Margarine and anchovies

Avocado and vinegar


Really crazy ideas:

Now let’s get really crazy and ruin them by mixing several things together!


Sweet potatoes with anchovies

Yams with Garlic and cocoa powder

Turnips with marshmallows

Parsnips with Avocado



Mashed potatoes aren’t complete without a topping, from butter to gravy. Try these on for your ruining taste:


Marshmallow cream

Chocolate syrup (not with sweet potatoes or yams, that might taste good).

Hot sauce


Spaghetti sauce

Sweet and sour sauce

Hot chocolate with marshmallows

Melted ice cream

Caramel sauce


There you go, that’s how you ruin mashed potatoes! I hope you’ve enjoyed tonight’s adventure in ruining mashed potatoes.

Have any ideas of your own on how to ruin mashed potatoes? Please share them in the comments.

I hope you’ll join me again next Saturday night to ruin another food. Thanks for reading!



One thought on “How to ruin any food: Mashed potatoes

  1. Pingback: A ruined St. Patrick day meal – Mageowl's Blog

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