How to ruin any food: Fruit salad

Fruit salad… something that can be made so everyone like it, but can it be ruined? That’s what we’re going to find out tonight.

Join me if you dare, this post might curdle your blood worse than any fright you had on Halloween… quite possible literally as well.

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

The history of fruit salad is like most of the foods I ruin here, it was invented some time during human history and no one really knows who invented it or when. Guesses range from Julius Caesar (which is very doubtful) to your great-aunt Mary.

What it is:

Fruit salad is basically a bunch of fruits cut into bite size pieces, it is normally mixed with either a sweet syrup or cream-base sauce.

The thing that makes fruit salad hard to ruin is that it can be made in some many ways, with nearly any fruit. Some cultures use sour cream, one even uses mustard, in Malaysia they have a version that uses a spicy sauce with shrimp paste.

How to ruin it:

To ruin something like fruit salad isn’t easy, but as I’ve proved many times, anything can be ruined.

To start with, let’s accept that fruits encompass tomatoes, peppers eggplant and anything else we deem necessary to use. Remember that a raspberry is normally thought of as a fruit even though it’s really a berry, so we do have some wiggle room.

 

As the sauce can be so varied, we shouldn’t look at that as the key source to ruin fruit salad, though it can of course be part of the process.

  •  Consider using the strangest things you can think of in a sauce, such as:
  •  A white sauce with Worcestershire sauce,  garlic and chopped onion added.
  •  A vinegar sauce with molasses.
  • An olive oil sauce with cayenne powder and garlic.

 

As for the fruits, make sure you combine tomatoes with blackberries and strawberries.

Or bell peppers with olives (why not?), peaches and nectarines.

Perhaps tomatoes with eggplant and apples with a few blueberries?

What about Mangoes, pears, cherry tomatoes, olives and pomegranates?

An almost perfectly pre-ruined fruit salad with consist of pomegranates, grapefruits, kiwi, watermelon and prickly pear. Any salad with that many seeds in it would almost have to be ruined before it began.

 

I hope that these ideas will give you a place to start your next meal that you want to ruin. I know it’s been an eye opener for me.

Please share any ideas you have for ruining fruit salad in the comments, I’d be interested to see what you can come up with.

Thanks for reading. I hope you’ll join me again next Saturday night as I ruin another food.

 

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