How to ruin any food: Eggnog

Tonight we’re going to do our best to take eggnog and ruin it. It is my goal to destroy eggnog once and for all, or make you laugh.

Yes, eggnog is our target for tonight, why? Because it’s in season right now, what better reason is there? Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Eggnog has a long history, one that seemingly doesn’t have a beginning, though that simply means that the origin is lost to history, which seems to be something of a habit for these posts of mine.

The name is even lost to history, though a few theories exist. One theory is that the nog referred to a wooden mug called a noggin. Another theory is that it’s a corruption of Egg and Grog, either way it is now eggnog and the rest is lost to history.

What it is:

Eggnog is basically a drink of eggs, milk or cream, sugar and traditionally some kind of alcohol. Now many people buy eggnog which doesn’t have alcohol in it.

You’ll often see it topped with a sprinkling of cinnamon.

How to ruin it:

Ruining eggnog takes a bit of doing, however if you don’t like eggs you are all ready finished.

First off let’s look at the eggs, now I’m sure you’re wondering how I’m planning on ruining eggs, the truth is I’m not, I only suggest you check to see how many of those chocolate Easter eggs you have left, if you have enough, simply put them into a bowl with some heavy cream, whisk just enough to break the chocolate into pieces and serve.

Now assuming that you don’t have leftover chocolate eggs, we’ll look at other options:

Milk:

The milk can be changed slightly, try sweetened condensed milk, the different texture and extra sweetness may be enough to ruin it.

Another option is to use sour cream instead, that should create a nasty mixture.

Sugar:

While you can’t ruin sugar very much, substituting honey wouldn’t even change much, you can try using molasses or sorghum, the difference in color will help ruin it, as will the change in taste, the bitterness of the molasses should be enough to turn most people off of eggnog.

Cinnamon:

Here is the easiest place to ruin eggnog, whether you make it yourself or buy it. Here are a few spices you can use instead:

  • Cumin
  • Curry powder
  • Cayenne powder
  • Cracked black pepper
  • Celery seeds
  • Red or pink salt

  Other ways to ruin:

A few other thing you can do to ruin the eggnog are to add something to it, such as Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, cola, root beer or ginger ale.

 

That about does it for ruining eggnog, but I have one last surprise for you:

Eggnog for cats:

It’s a fact of life that cats are always going to be interested in what you’re making/drinking. So take a few minutes and make this eggnog for your cats, remember they shouldn’t have too much at any one time!

Eggs

Milk or cream

A dash of sugar

Catnip

Mix well and serve.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed ruining eggnog and I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin something new!

Please feel free to leave any comments, I’d enjoy knowing how you’d ruin eggnog.

Thanks for reading!

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