How to ruin any food: Popcorn

Tonight we’re going to take ordinary popcorn and turn it into something you would only serve your worst enemy, or we’re going to create the next big thing in food. Either way, we’re going to ruin normal old popcorn!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

 The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Popcorn is perhaps one of the oldest foods  still consumed today with little change, some archeologists have found popped popcorn over a thousand years old that still looks fresh. Popcorn has been found in caves so well-preserved that it’s claimed it can still pop today.

While the origins of popcorn are lost to history, we’ll never know how it was discovered, it likely has been eaten much like we eat it today for thousands of years.

A few interesting sites of the history of popcorn:

http://www.popcorn.org/EncyclopediaPopcornica/WelcometoPopcornica/HistoryofPopcorn/tabid/106/Default.aspx

http://www.essortment.com/history-popcorn-41743.html

http://www.factmonster.com/spot/popcorn1.html

 

What it is:

Popcorn is just- that a certain variety of corn that pops when heated. Often served coated in butter (or in fake chemically modified butter flavor).

 

How to ruin it:

Unlike many of the foods I ruin here, popcorn can’t be ruined before hand, there’s really nothing you can ruin in the kernel itself, nor in the popping of it.

That said, you could discard all the popped popcorn and only serve the unpopped old maids.

I suppose that you could also serve popcorn raw, don’t even warm it except to pour a bit of melted butter over it, however that’s a little to easy for my taste.

I’d suggest changing the topping(s), that’s the easiest way to ruin it. Consider the following idea:

Take freshly popped popcorn, coat it in thick, cooled hot chocolate. As soon as the hot chocolate is thoroughly coating the popcorn, add salt and cumin to taste.

With that idea, you’d find yourself with a wet, chocolate coated popcorn with salt and cumin tugging at taste buds, it should be disgusting enough to ruin it.

Another idea would be to toss the popped popcorn in cranberry sauce, adding brown sugar and sea salt on top, that combination of tastes would also ruin it.

You could stay traditional and coat it with butter, adding any two of the following to ruin it:

  • Cocoa powder
  • Cayenne powder
  • Vinegar powder
  • Sugar
  • Salt
  • Cumin
  • Rosemary
  • Honey
  • Bacon

While nearly any of those two will create a unique flavor, some might be tasty, such as cocoa and sugar, while cocoa and rosemary will ruin popcorn perfectly.

Popcorn is one of the harder foods to ruin, though as you can see it’s still possible.

Do you have any suggestions on how to ruin popcorn? I’d be interested to see what you can come up with.

Thanks for reading!

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