Jokes for December 31st 2014

It’s Wednesday night, plus it’s the last day of the year, that means it’s time to look back at some of the best jokes I’ve posted:

Some were good:

What was William Shakespeare’s favorite sport?
Hockey, he even wrote about a puck.

What type of vegetable did the musician add to his music to improve it?
Beets!

Why did the author go digging in his garden?
He was looking for bookworms!

A metal foundry enjoyed playing golf, eventually it was a championship game, the secret to its success? It had good irons.

When does the moon get to eat? After it gets its first quarter!

I wrote several baseball jokes this year:

Why was the baseball team of vampires the best in the league? Because they suck the life out of other team!

How did the bee get the starting pitching job? He raised quite a buzz in spring training.

Did the pitcher enjoy the home opener? He had a ball!

Did the all-star batter enjoy the home opener? He had a blast!

When a baseball bat records a song, is it automatically a hit?

What did the baseball pitcher turned judge say to the outfielder before throwing the book at him?
You’re way off base.

I had some that were Medium funny:

Why does the punchy boxer always argue with people who talk to ghosts? Because he can’t strike a happy medium!

Giant John, the tallest and fastest giant ever born, tried for many a year to catch a gleeful spirit communicator but they always just managed to elude him, he finally admitted that he couldn’t reach a happy medium.

A paranoid rich man died, with his dying breath he revealed that only a laughing ghost talker could manage to tell his heirs where his will was. After several months of searching, the courts reluctantly admitted that they couldn’t find a happy medium.

I didn’t always have the best jokes, you might have thought I was in a pickle to fill out my post:

A man walked into a truck stop and ordered a hamburger, ad an after thought he added “Hold the pickle.”
A few moments later, Harry, the truck stop’s harried short order chef who was very hairy, came marching out on the kitchen and thrust a dripping cucumber into the man’s hand, saying “Hold your own pickle!”

Some of my jokes were fruity:

Did you hear about the accident at the candy factory that was run entirely by fruits?
The apples were candied and the cherries were covered in chocolate.

What kind of berries do horses love?
Strawberries!

What you put on Breadfruit?
Butterflies

Which is safer to be near, a ripe avocado or a ripe strawberry?

A ripe avocado, strawberries are always getting into jams.

What do you call an apple who’s getting the squeeze put on him?
Apple cider.

What does a pumpkin fear more than knives?
Cannons.

Sometimes my humor seemed to have taken it on the lam:

The bank robbers planned everything out in advance, unfortunately the one in charge of the getaway took the idea of being on the lam too seriously and brought lambs with saddles to the hold up.

During Summer I had Ice cream on the brain:

How do you make an ice cream float?

Put it on the Queen Mary

What does a cat call anchovies in ice cream?

Purr-fection.

It was the fight of the century, triple layer chocolate cake vs Gelato. They were evenly match through the first five rounds, in the sixth round it looked like the cake had finally found Gelato’s weakness, but Gelato fought bravely on. In the seventh round Gelato managed win win the match on a TKO. When asked later how it had won, it replied “Ice creamed it.”

These are just a few of the jokes I’ve posted during this past year, I’ve enjoyed them, I hope you did too.

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