How to ruin any food: Nachos

You read that right, tonight I’m ruining nachos! Those wonderful, cheesy chips that everyone loves. How do you ruin such a simple snack? You’ll find out below! Are you ready?

 

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

 The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Unlike most of the foods I ruin in this series of posts, nachos can be linked to one Ignacio Anaya who worked in a restaurant in Piedras Negras, Mexico. The legend says that he created nachos one day in 1943 when a group of women came into the restaurant while it was closed. Without the chef there, he whipped up a batch of what we know today as nachos and history was made.

You can find more in-depth information here: http://kitchenproject.com/history/Nachos/index.htm

Though many other sites have the same information, the above site has it arranged better than some I saw while researching.

What it is:

A nacho is basically a tortilla chip with cheese and salsa or peppers chopped in top. It’s heated so the cheese melts, the salsa or pepper sinks into the cheese and you have a nacho.

 

How to ruin them:

Ruining nachos isn’t as hard as you might think, for instance you can take tortilla chips,  cover them with cream cheese and dice strawberries or celery on top, include both celery and strawberries to ruin them even better.

While I don’t really need to continue after that one idea, we’ll go in-depth a bit more and see just how bad we can ruin nachos.

   The chip:

The chip is the first place we should start. When making a normal batch of nachos, you want a nice strong chip so the salsa doesn’t make it soggy. When you are ruining a batch of nachos, however, you want the thinnest  chip that will break or become soggy with little help.

Consider the following types of chips instead of tortilla chips to help ruin your nachos:

  • Potato chips: These offer the most variety, in fact you can use an oddly flavored chip in addition to the toppings to help ruin the nacho, such as barbecue flavor with, say, strawberry and Limburger. I recommend the thinnest ones you can find, not the thick cut.
  • Kale chips: a new fad in the chip world and one I believe would really ruin a nacho.
  • Humus chips: another new fad of chip and likely just as bad as a nacho.
  • Pita chips: another odd chip that’s becoming popular, while not as nasty as humus or kale chips in a nacho, it should still be bad enough.

There might well be other kinds of chips available where you are, feel free to experiment with what you can find locally, only make sure that they are not like tortilla chips.

Cheese:

The next main part of a nacho is the cheese. Normally made with a Cheddar, Colby or even American cheese, I suggest one of these following cheeses to ensure your nachos are ruined:

  • Limburger
  • Parmesan
  • Cream cheese
  • Munster
  • American (I didn’t say it was a good choice!)
  • Mozzarella
  • Blue cheese
  • Red Windsor

Many other kinds of cheese exist, if you want to find something really odd, go to http://www.cheese.com/alphabetical/ and have fun.

      Toppings:

Now we come to the part of the nacho that is easier than the others to ruin, the topping. You can add anything on top of a nacho to ruin it. Consider this:

One onion, roughly chopped, One apple, diced,  One cup watermelon, One spring rosemary, Curry powder and thyme  to taste.

I promise you that those nachos will be ruined.

A quick list of some toppings you wouldn’t normally put on nachos that will help to ruin them:

  • Plums
  • Carrots
  • Marsh mellows
  • Italian sausage
  • Sauerkraut
  • Hard boiled eggs (unshelled)
  • Orange slices
  • Gumballs
  • Pickled eggs

There are many other toppings you could use to ruin your nachos, I hope this list gave you a few ideas.

If you prefer to use salsa to top your nachos, I’d suggest these replacements:

  • Spaghetti sauce
  • Soy sauce
  • Alfredo sauce
  • Potato soup
  • Any fruit salsa.

 

I hope these ideas give you a few ideas next time you need to ruin a batch of nachos. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have.

Join me again next Saturday when I’ll be ruining another food. Thanks for reading!

 

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