How to ruin any food: Carrot Cake

Tonight I’m going to try to ruin carrot cake, it shouldn’t be too hard, but it might be surprising. I hope you’re ready to ruin some food!

Shall we begin?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Carrot cake is another of those foods that has no real determined date of invention. That said, it is assumed by most that carrot cake is directly related to the carrot puddings eaten in medieval Europe. During the medieval times carrots were used as a sweetener in desserts.

George Washington is said to have served a carrot tea cake, which is about the earliest mention of a carrot cake, however I only saw one mention of that in my research and am forced to call it a rumor until I see more proof.

You might be interested in these sites for more information:

http://www.cakespy.com/blog/2012/8/1/the-story-of-carrot-cake.html

http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/carrotcake.html

 

What it is:

Very simply, it’s a cake made with carrots and topped with a white cream cheese frosting.

How to ruin it:

Ruining a carrot cake is a bit more complicated than most other foods, but it can be done.

First off we’ll break it down in two parts, the cake and the frosting, you can ruin one or the other, or if you really want to ruin your carrot cake, use both.

Cake:

To ruin the cake, the first thing to look at is the carrot. The easiest way is to replace the carrot with something else, while that will technically change the cake from being a carrot cake, all we need to do is add a single grating of carrot into the dough. Consider the following to replace most of the carrot:

  • Broccoli
  • Rutabaga
  • Parsnips
  • Potato
  • Cauliflower
  • Collards

Now if you don’t want to replace the carrot, just use the carrot peelings, you’ll need a lot of carrots to get enough carrot peels, I suggest a large carrot salad.

Another way to ruin the cake is to use food coloring, I’d suggest separating the batter into three parts, keep one part normal, dye one blue and the last green. Pour them into your pan so that the colors overlap, what’s you’re trying to come up with is something that looks like it has molded. If you do this correctly, you will want the cake to be very tasty so you can have it all to yourself.

Frosting:

To ruin the frosting for your carrot cake, you have a number of options. If you go with the faux molded cake, I’d suggest making a frosting to match, I’d start with a base of white frosting and add splotches of blue and green frosting on top. The only problem with this kind of ruined carrot cake is that it’s basically a faux ruined carrot cake.

If you really want to ruin the frosting, here are a few more ideas:

You can frost your cake with plain cream cheese, or use cottage cheese.

Also, you can take as many white cheeses (mozzarella, Monterrey jack, white cheddar, ect) as you can and puree them in a food processor until you get a paste, add a bit of vinegar and cornstarch to create something that looks fairly smooth and tastes horrible, spread it on your cake and you’ve got a ruined carrot cake!

Another option is to make a thick Alfredo sauce and pour it over your cake, I promise that it’ll ruin any cake!

I think that about covers it, I’m sure at least one of those options will be nasty enough for anyone to say it’s ruined.

 

I hope that this have given you a few ideas of how to ruin a carrot cake.

Do you have any ideas on how to ruin a carrot cake?

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

 

 

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