How to ruin any food: Corned beef

It’s getting close to St. Patrick’s day, so what better time to ruin corned beef could there be? You might say next Saturday, however you do need time to corn your brisket, so we might as well get started.

Are you ready for some fun?

 

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

Corned beef is an old meat, the origins of which appear uncertain.

The best guess of why it’s called Corned Beef is that large grains of salt were used in curing the beef, the grains of salt were called corns and hence the name, or so the rumor goes, some sources say the grains of salt were the size of corn kernels.

While normally thought of as an Irish food, Corned beef was seldom eaten by the Irish in Ireland, however they did produce and export it for quite a while.

 

What it is:

Corned beef is normally a beef brisket that is cured with salt and other seasonings.

 

How to ruin it:

There are numerous ways to ruin corned beef, the easiest one would be to find a pre-cured brisket that is mostly all fat. If that’s how you want to ruin it, that’s fine, but I’ve got a lot more interesting ideas.

First off I want to give you a basic recipe for curing a brisket, many variations do exist.

    Curing:

Brisket, salt, sugar, mustard seeds, peppercorns, water. Most recipes also call for saltpeter, however I don’t use it. It should remain in the brine for at least a week.

One variation would be to substitute cumin seeds for the mustard. Another would be to add curry powder.

I think we can still do much better, for instance:

Salt, pork loin, root beer, mustard seed.

Another variation is this:

Brisket, salt, ginger ale, chili powder, vinegar.

Not bad, but we can still do better, what about this one:

Brisket, salt, instant hot chocolate mix, four habaneros.

Now that will be a really unique corned beef no one is likely to forget!

One more idea, this one doesn’t take long to do, in fact it only takes a few minutes from start to the table:

Take one raw brisket, put it on a platter, cover it with two cans of corn.

After the curing:

How do you ruin corned beef after it’s all ready cured? Here are a few ideas:

Cut your corned beef into small chunks, put it in your food processor and pulse until it’s pureed. Pour it into a loaf pan and freeze until it retains it shape. Serve with creamed corn.

 

Cook your corned beet normally, serve it covered in creamed corn and with spaghetti sauce on the side.

 

Cook your corned beef as normal, cover it in Alfredo sauce and serve with french fries covered in mustard.

 

Cook your corned beef as normal, before serving it, cut a small hole in it and pour a bottle of ketchup inside, warn your guests it might be a little underdone before slicing.

 

Cook your corned beef, puree it, pour into a fish-shaped gelatin mold and serve with tartar sauce.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed these easy ways to ruin Corned Beef. Do you have any suggestions? I’d enjoy hearing them.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Corned beef

  1. Pingback: A ruined St. Patrick day meal – Mageowl's Blog

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