How to ruin any food: Lemon Meringue pie

Tonight we’re going to ruin lemon meringue pie. While not as famous as the coconut cream pie, it’s still a widely known pie, just not for throwing into people’s faces.

Are you ready for some fun?

 

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Lemon meringue pie is a desert that has a hazy history at best. I’ll attempt to note the main parts as well as I can:

The invention of lemon custard is normally credited to the Quakers in the late 18th century, from this beginning grew the lemon meringue pie.

The history of meringue is very complicated as well, however the first recipes for it appear to have been printed in french cookbooks dating to 1690s. Where it was first created is up for debate.

If you are interested in further information about the origin of lemon meringue pie, I suggest these two links:

http://cobornsblog.com/2011/08/15/lemon-meringue-pie-die/

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodpies.html#lemonmeringuepie

 

What it is:

Lemon meringue pie is composed of three parts: The crust, the lemon custard or curd and the meringue.

The crust is a standard run of the mill pie crust.

The lemon custard or curd is at its most basic egg yolks, lemon, sugar and starch.

The meringue is basically egg whites and sugar beaten to soft peaks.

 

How to ruin it:

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the lemon meringue pie itself! As always, the first thing we must do is to break it down into part, the pie crust, the lemon custard/curd and the meringue.

Pie crust:

To ruin a pie crust is a simple thing, simply take your favorite pie crust recipe and ignore it, add as much or as little of the ingredients as you feel like, if you get something that looks like a pie crust you have done something wrong.

I suggest using hot sauce instead of butter or shortening.

If you feel like making a very quick pie crust that takes almost no work, simply cook spaghetti noodles. When they are ready layer them in a pie pan and bake for ten minutes. If you’d like, before baking give the noodles a coat of melted butter mixed with garlic and onion.

Lemon curd/custard:

A typical lemon custard needs lemon juice, egg yolks, cornstarch, sugar and water.

I suggest you use whole eggs, chocolate cream eggs that is, I’m not sure how one would go about separating a chocolate egg anyway.

Almost anything can be added to your custard, such as salsa, mayonnaise, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce and many more.

An option if you want to use a lemon curd instead of a custard  would be to take cheese curds and soak them in lemon juice over night.

One last option would be to use a mustard filling instead, you’ll need a thick mustard and it should be a lemon flavored mustard.

Meringue:

While a meringue is whipped egg whites and sugar, while you are ruining a lemon meringue pie there is no reason to stick with them, it just has to look close.

Consider taking fluffy mashed potatoes and spreading on top of your pie, sprinkle a bit of sugar on top and you’ll even be able to get the nice browning a normal meringue has.

As we are ruining a lemon meringue pie, we don’t really care if the meringue sets normally or not, as such we can add many other things to our meringue, such as tomatoes. A few more options:

  • Guacamole (as a bonus it changes the color, your guests might turn this shade at the sight and smell of this pie.)
  • Curry powder
  • Hot sauce
  • Chocolate syrup
  • Root beer (What would a ruining food post be without root beer?)
  • Cheddar cheese (grated, it will add a certain aroma and color to your meringue.)

There are undoubtedly many more options to ruin any part of this pie, however I think I’ve given you plenty of ideas to get started.

 

Do you have an interesting way to ruin a lemon meringue pie? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

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3 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Lemon Meringue pie

      1. I presume many become somewhat selective over time. I have always imagined myself not unlike the carnival/circus thinman I read about in a short story who was annorexic – a dislike of food explains much there. thanks for comment. alwaysbeaniceperson.

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