How to ruin any food: Jelly Roll

Tonight we’re going to ruin the humble jelly roll. Nearly everyone has some thought about jelly rolls, many people love them, though undoubtedly a few dislike them.

Now you will learn how to ruin them.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

The history of the jelly roll is just about as clear as raspberry jam, and roughly as sticky as well. I was able to find very few fact, in fact only one site yielded any relevent information:   http://www.newenglandrecipes.org/html/jelly-roll.html

This site goes into more depth than I do and I heartily encourage you to take a few minutes and check it out. It listed 1852 as the earliest date that a true jelly roll was being made.

While I can’t devote enough time to dig deeper, I can propose a few ideas of my own:

As a jelly roll is not too different from a yule log (which I ruined in December, you can see that here: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/12/21/how-to-ruin-an…-buche-de-noel/ ) it is likely that the two cakes were created at roughly the same time; 1615 roughly. However I may be completely wrong.

 

What it is:

A Jelly roll cake is a sponge cake rolled up with jelly in the center. It is normally dusted with powdered sugar, though some people to frost them.

How to ruin:

Now we come to the fun part, ruining it! Once again we’ll start by breaking it down into its separate parts:

  • sponge  cake
  • Jelly
  • Topping/ frosting

Sponge cake:

The sponge cake can be altered slightly with little concern for how it’ll bake. Take your favorite sponge cake recipe and add any of the following to it:

  • Cayenne powder
  • Mustard powder
  • Ground Cumin
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder

If you want to ruin the cake a bit more, feel free to try adding a half cup of root beet or ginger ale to it, just be warned that it might rise a bit more than normal.

Lemonade added in moderation can produce a tasty cake, however and should not be used if you want to ruin the jelly roll unless you are changing the sweet jelly with a savory one.

Jelly/filling:

The jelly filling is the simplest way to ruin a jelly roll. We just have to allow that anything jellied can be used as a filling.

The only surefire way to ruin a jelly roll in that case is to use jellied ells as the filling, I personally promise that no one will have a second bite, most won’t even take a first bite.

If you want to keep your jelly roll edible, consider using salsa jelly instead. You could also use any food that you can jelly. Spam is also a good choice for ruining a jelly roll

Topping/frosting

If you normally top your jelly rolls with powdered sugar, try flour instead; it looks like powdered sugar but it doesn’t taste like it.

If you prefer to frost your jelly rolls, consider using sour cream instead. Or any of the frosting ideas found in my How to Ruin a Yule log cake post.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, I’m sure you’ve found a few new ideas on how to ruin your next jelly roll cake.

Do you have any suggestions for ruining a jelly roll cake? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

 

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