How to ruin any food: Pie crust

Tonight I’m going to go into more detail on how to ruin a pie crust.

While a simple thing, a pie crust often is the difference between a good pie and a ruined pie. In the past I’ve ruined pies (Lemon meringue http://wp.me/p3pFIg-oi , Pumpkin http://wp.me/p3pFIg-oi ), but I thought I should dedicate a full post in this series to ruining pie crusts.

Are you ready? Things are likely going to get a bit crusty.

 

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Pie crusts are an interesting thing, they date back further than is recorded, though those original pie crusts were likely nothing like what we have today, they would have been thicker at first until pie pans were invented, in fact the earliest crusts were there more for a pan than to be eaten, however this is just what I’ve found, it’s entirely possible that what we think we know today is not what was true in the far past.

What we do know:

Pies date back to the ancient Egyptians in 9500 BC, give or take a few years.

In medieval times they began calling the crust a coffyn.

 

A few interesting sites with facts about pie crusts:

http://www.piecouncil.org/Events/NationalPieDay/HistoryOfPies

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodpies.html

http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/PieHistory.htm

 

What it is:

A pie crust is what holds the filling of a pie. An ideal pie is light and flaky, yet strong enough to contain the pie itself without breaking.

 

How to ruin:

Ruining a pie crust is quite easy, it can be fun as well.

Pasta crusts:

As I mentioned in my post of ruining Lemon Meringue pies (http://wp.me/p3pFIg-oi), you can easily make a pie crust with spaghetti noodles formed in a pie pan:

Simply cook spaghetti noodles. When they are ready layer them in a pie pan and bake for ten minutes. To aid in ruining it, before baking give the noodles a coat of melted butter mixed with garlic and onion.

You could use any kind of noodle or pasta as you want, however I’d assume shell pasta would be even better at ruining a pie crust as it likely wouldn’t how together very well.

Crumb crusts:

Many people use crumb crusts as well, graham cracker crumb crusts are very popular. You could make any kind of cracker into a pie crust as well.

Saltine crackers everyone has, just crush them, add a bit of butter to moisten them and pat them into the pie pan, you should end up with a crumbly crust that is fairly salty.

Bread crusts:

Some people dislike eating bread crusts, here’s the perfect way to use them, simple place the bread crusts in a pie pan, press them together and fill with you pie filling, you’ll end up with a ruined pie crust.

 

Another way to make a bread crust is to take a small ball of bread dough, roll it out and put it in a pie pan, don’t bake it before filling, this way you’ll end up with a doughy crust that will likely taste uncooked.

 

If you’d prefer to bake your bread crust, take a look at my How to ruin bread post ( http://wp.me/p3pFIg-jA ), where you’ll find many ideas that will ruin a pie crust even more. I like the idea of a green or blue bread crust, it’ll make your guests wonder just how old the crust was before you used it.

 

Other ways to ruin:

Another way to ruin a pie crust is quite similar to the crumb crust, only this time we’re just going to use salt! Pour a layer of salt in the bottom of your pie pan, add just enough water to cover it, the water will start to dissolve the salt. Don’t let anyone eat this crust! Only use it to startle people!

You’ll need a small bowl with salt and just enough water to get the salt to start sticking together, take this salt and form around the edge of the pie pan. Bake it until all the water is evaporated and you’re left with a solid sheet of salt on the bottom of the pie pan. Add your filling and serve promptly.

 

If you only want to slightly ruin your pie crust, add black pepper to your normal pie crust dough, to give it an extra kick, add cayenne powder instead.

 

While I’m sure there are still several other ways to ruin a pie crust, I think these ideas will be enough to keep anyone busy for a while at least.

Do you have an interesting way to ruin a pie crust? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Pie crust

Do you have anything to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s