How to ruin any food: Gravy

Tonight we’ll be ruining gravy, that wonderful substance that can transform a meal from humble to wonderful. Everyone loves gravy, even cats love gravy!  Now we’re going to ruin it.

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

There is little known about the origin of gravy, mostly since it is such a basic item that it has been around since meat was first cooked.

One source I found talks about how hieroglyphs in Egypt depict gravy being served. Unfortunately I cannot find any proof of such hieroglyphs existing.

However I assume that gravy has existed for ages since it is such a simple sauce, plus it would have been created by a side effect when meat pies were first created, as the meat juices blending with the pie crust and formed something close to what we call gravy today.

You might find this site interesting if you want to learn a few more facts about gravy:

http://www.amazingsauces.com/articles/gravy-articles/a-delicious-guide-to-the-history-of-gravy-recipes/

 

What it is:

Gravy is a sauce normally made from meat juices blended with flour or another thickener to create a sauce of a pleasing thickness.

It can be seasoned with spices such as garlic, onion, etc.

 

How to make it:

Before you can begin ruining gravy, you should know how to make good gravy.

To begin with, you’ll want a pan with either drippings or some kind of fat/butter/oil in it. Add flour to the oil/fat/drippings and stir until combined.

Add stock or broth, at least two or three cups worth. Add any spice you may want, such as garlic, onion powder, etc. Cook until it is the desired thickness.

 

How to ruin it:

Gravy is oddly simple to ruin. There are almost too many ways to suggest, however I’ll do me best:

Thickness:

The easiest, quickest and simplest way to ruin gravy is to change the thickness. Make it very thin and it’ll run off of whatever you put it on. If it’s think enough you’ll never be able to keep any on your mashed potatoes.

You can also make it extra thick, thick enough that a spoon takes a moment to fall over if stuck upright in it. Too thick gravy is nearly as bad as too thin gravy.

Lumps:

Take your lumps and put them in your gravy! A lumpy gravy is a ruined gravy, the more lumps the better ruined it is!

You can always create lumps by taking some flour and adding a bit of water until it forms pieces, quite like if you were making pie crust. Dry it or fry them, it doesn’t much matter which. Add you lumps into your gravy and you have a ruined batch of gravy.

Flavors:

You can also add several things to your gravy to change its flavor, there by ruining it.

Try any of these spices:

  • Curry powder
  • Cinnamon
  • Licorice powder
  • Anise seed (ground)
  • Ginger

Another way to ruin your gravy’s flavor is to change the liquid. While you normally use a broth, such as chicken or beef, try one of these:

  • Root beer
  • Ginger ale
  • Lemonade
  • Orange juice
  • Soy sauce (the saltiness of the soy sauce will ruin it alone!)
  • Onion broth

One last way to ruin your gravy is to burn it, this would normally be accomplished by burning the oil or fat you use at the beginning, or right after you add the flour you can cook it until it burns before adding your liquid.

 

I think that covers the basics of ruining gravy. I’m sure these ideas will be enough to keep you busy ruining gravy for a while at least.

Do you have an interesting way to ruin gravy? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

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5 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Gravy

    1. I’m glad you found it interesting. The art of ruining food is overlooked by most people, which is why I’m been devoting a post every week for the past year on ruining food. If not for ruined meals, we could not properly enjoy the wonderful ones.
      Thanks for reading my blog!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: How to ruin any food: Roasted turkey | Mageowl's Blog

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