How to ruin any food: Toast

That’s right, I’m ruining toast tonight. Once I’m finished with this post, toast will be toast, so to speak.

I hope you enjoy!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:


The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.


While the origins of bread are hazy at best, many archeologists believe that it was first created in ancient Egypt as a way to extend the time bread could be eaten.

However an equally popular theory is that it was invented by the ancient Romans, partly due to the fact that the word ‘Toast’ comes from the Latin word ‘Tostum’.

It is generally thought that toast might have been first created by placing slices of toast before a fire until they browned.

Interesting sites with further information about toast:


What it is:

Toast is a slice of bread that has been heated (either in a toaster or over a fire) until the outside starts to brown. It is removed before it burns (hopefully).

How to make it:

Making toast is simple, everyone knows how to make bread, don’t you?

However early toasters were very interesting things, before electricity they were used either over a fire or on wood burning stoves.

There were two basic ways to make toast, either a special device placed over the heat source, or a fork that the bread was placed on and then held over the heat.

An interesting site with many early toasters is the toaster museum:

How to ruin it:

Ruining toast isn’t the easiest, however we have three basic ways to do it: the bread itself, the toasting process and lastly the topping, assuming you put something on top of your toast.

  The bread:

First we’ll start with the bread. While most people use store-bought white or whole wheat bread to make toast, to ruin toast we need to go to a bit more work.

First off I suggest you glance at my post on ruining bread:

Any of those ideas will turn a normal slice of bread into an odd and disgusting piece of toast, successfully ruining it.

Now if you’re pressed for time, take an unusual kind of bread, such as Rye bread or any other kind of bread not normally thought of as being a toasting bread.


While a good piece of toast is browned just enough, a ruined piece will be much darker, nearly burned. If using Rye bread, you can toast it much farther as the bread is all ready dark to begin with.

This is one case where the darker the better, or the better ruined rather.

However you can also try toasting it very slightly so it’s neither warm or crusty when you bite into it.


Everyone puts something on their toast, be it butter, honey or even jam.

To ruin the topping of your toast you need a bit of imagination, not everything has to be as it seems.

Whipped cream looks close enough to whipped butter that many people won’t even know the difference until they taste it.

A scoop of vanilla ice cream is also a good option, however if it starts to melt the surprise is ruined and it won’t be quite as ruined.

Like jam on your toast? Try tomato jam.

Like honey on your toast? Try mixing your honey with a bit of root beer, cool it and it’ll be nice and thick, the difference in the taste will surprise anyone and should ruin your toast.

There are likely many more options to top your bread with and I’d like to hear what you come up with.


There you go, a number of ways to ruin toast! Give it some thought and come up with your own way, feel free to share it in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food!

4 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Toast

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