How to ruin any food: Meatballs

Tonight we’re going to ruin meatballs. While meatballs are a common food, most people associate them with spaghetti, or in Swedish food, however there are many other cuisines that make use of them. We’re going to ruin them for every possible cuisine.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

The history of meatballs is a muddled one. Some people claim that the ancient Romans invented them, others the ancient Persians, or ancient Turks, still others insist that meatballs couldn’t have been invented until the meat grinder, these people claim that any meatball made before meat grinders doesn’t qualify as the meat would have been pounded or shredded by hand. Believe what you want, everyone else does.

 

What it is:

A meatball is simply a ball of ground meat, normally with spices that is cooked, or broiled, then served with sauce or inside sandwiches.

 

How to make them:

A basic recipe for meatballs goes something like this:

 

1 – 2 pounds of ground meats, often multiple kinds of ground meats are used, such as ground beef and pork. You can also use turkey or chicken if you so desire.

Garlic

Bread crumbs

Eggs

Spices

Oil, water or milk as needed.

Mix everything together, roll the mixture into balls and broil them until brown.

Transfer the meatballs into your favorite sauce and continue to cook until you are ready to serve.

 

How to ruin them:

Meatballs are oddly easy to ruin, in fact I think that they are likely one of the easiest things to ruin.

The meat:

The meat is the first place you can ruin your meatballs, try any of these meats, ground of course, instead of regular beef or pork:

  • Fish
  • Lobster and curried chicken
  • Tofu (no, it’s not a meat, but it’ll ruin any meatball!)
  • Crab and beef gristle.
  • Chicken skin and fish

 

Spices:

Spices are a key part of any meatball, consider these spices to ruin your meatballs:

  • Anise
  • Ginger
  • Curry powder
  • Cloves
  • Chili powder
  • Cinnamon
  • Allspice

A good spice mixture for ruined meatballs is as follows:

Heaping gobs of Cloves, ginger, allspice, cinnamon, mustard, onion and garlic.

 

Stuffing:

Many people stuff their meatballs, here are a few new stuffings that will ruin your meatballs:

  • Broccoli
  • Limburger cheese

 

Sauce:

Serve your meatballs in a whipped cream and mustard sauce, or a whipped cream and Limburger sauce, either one will ruin your meal by itself.

 

Other ways to ruin your meatballs:

Try under cooking your meatballs, just lightly brown them.

Try overcooking your meatballs, an oven set at 400° for six hours would be great.

Use bread crumbs from ruined bread ( http://wp.me/p3pFIg-jA )

Try gingerbread crumbs instead of regular bread, ruined gingerbread cookie crumbs are even better ( http://wp.me/p3pFIg-mr )

Roll a scoop of ice cream in bread crumbs and serve on top of spaghetti.

Replace the liquid and eggs in your meatballs with lemonade.

 

I think those are a few good ways to ruin meatballs, I’m sure that there are many other ways to ruin a meatball.

Do you have a favorite way to ruin a meatball? Tell me in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed ruining meatballs. I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food!

 

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5 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Meatballs

  1. I always like to add a bit of additional spice to my meatballs – try rolling them under your bed. Not only does it collect the dust bunnies and the decaying flies, but also cleans up under there as well. Two for the price of one!

    Like

  2. Pingback: Ruining food: A look back – Mageowl's Blog

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