How to ruin any food: Milkshakes

Milkshakes, an interesting item of food. Is it a food? A beverage? Something in between? It doesn’t matter because we’re going to ruin them tonight!

Are you ready? We’re going to sour the idea of milkshakes for everyone!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

The history of the milkshake dates back to the last ice age when a starving caveman found a cow and milked it, the cow was shaking from the cold, thus was the milkshake born.

Actually, the history of the milkshake is hard to place, there is little if any reliable information on when or where it was first made. Every reference I’ve been able to find is copied from Wikipedia, which while it might be correct, I prefer to have more information then that article offers.

So unfortunately the exact origin of milkshakes might never be known.

If you have any information on the history of milkshakes be let me know in the comments.

 

What it is:

A milkshake is basically milk and ice cream at its most basic, whipped together until smooth and frothy.

Flavors are often added to milkshakes, such as chocolate, vanilla, or fruits like strawberries.

 

How to make one:

Making a milkshake can be fairly easy, just add your milk and ice cream in a bender and mix until it looks right.

You can also add syrups and nearly anything else you want to your milkshake before you blend it together, such as chocolate syrup.

There is quite a bit of debate on whether you should just use vanilla ice cream, or if you should use the flavor of ice cream that you want your milkshake to resemble (i.e. chocolate ice cream for a chocolate milkshake). I’m not going to get into that debate, I’ll leave it up to you.

 

How to ruin a milkshake:

Ruining a milkshake can be very easy, or as hard as you want to make it.

First off you should glance at my post How to ruin any food: Ice cream ( http://wp.me/p3pFIg-fq ) for a few ideas about ruining the ice cream itself. Most of those ice creams can ruin a milkshake by themselves, such as the avocado ice cream.

Syrups:

If you’re going to add syrups to your milkshake, consider any of these instead:

  • Onion juice
  • Hot sauce
  • Salsa
  • Guacamole (To make it even worse, try a ruined guacamole: http://wp.me/p3pFIg-nu )

If you want something that looks like a chocolate milkshake, try one of these:

  • Soy sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Hot dog chili

If you want something that resembles a strawberry milkshake, try one of these:

  • Ketchup
  • Sweet and sour sauce
  • Spaghetti sauce

 

Ice cream replacements:

Yes, you read that correctly, you can replace the ice cream in your milkshake to ruin it.

 

  • Cottage cheese
  • Sour cream
  • Limburger cheese (this also gives your milkshake a distinctive aroma.)
  • Stale bread
  • Over cooked pasta
  • Tofu

 

Milk substitutes or additions:

Finally, we turn to the milk, without milk you’d only have a shake. There are many things we could replace the milk in our milkshake with, nearly anything in fact, however I’ve narrowed the options down to the following, each one picked for how much it’ll ruin your milkshake. Also remember that you can also just add any of these to your milkshake without replacing the milk.

  • Olive oil.
  • Lemonade
  • Lard (softened of course).
  • Melted margarine
  • Bacon grease
  • Alfredo sauce

That should give you quite a few options for ruining milkshakes this week.

I hope you enjoyed ruining milkshakes tonight.

Do you have a favorite way to ruin milkshakes? Tell me in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food!

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3 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Milkshakes

  1. Pingback: How to ruin any food: A look back at Summer | Mageowl's Blog

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