How to ruin any food: Italian sausage sandwich

Tonight we’re going to ruin an Italian Sausage Sandwich. While not something many people might consider ruining, it is very easy to ruin, it can also be a lot of fun to ruin. Are you ready?

 

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

The history of Italian sausage is quite possible unknown by anyone. After much searching, I am unable to find anything at all out about the history of what we call Italian Sausage.

The most likely possibility for the origin of Italian sausage is either somewhere in Italy or by someone from Italy.

However it is equally possible that it has nothing to do with anyone or anything from Italy and was just named that for the purpose of selling more pizzas. I fear we’ll never know the truth.

 

What it is:

An Italian sausage sandwich is basically an Italian sausage cooked in a seasoned tomato sauce and placed in a bun with mozzarella cheese and Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top.

It can also be made with loose sausage instead of links.

How to make one:

The best way to make an Italian sausage sandwich is to take a nice long roll, cut either a vee in the top or slice it in half.

Cook your Italian sausage with a spaghetti type sauce. Once it’s cooked, place a bit of grated mozzarella cheese on the bottom of your bun, spoon just enough sauce to start melting the cheese (be careful not to put too much sauce on your bun as that will make your bun soft and soggy), put the sausage on top of the cheese and sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top. Pepper flakes are optional.

 

How to ruin them:

Ruining an Italian sausage sandwich can be as easy or as complicated as you wish.

Buns:

First off, I suggest taking a look at my post on ruining bread: http://wp.me/p3pFIg-jA

The ideas in it are easily adapted to ruining buns.

Now we turn to other ways to ruin the bun part of an Italian sausage sandwich.

Plain bread: this is an excellent way to ruin an Italian sausage sandwich as normal bread is very soft and will easily become soggy, which is a perfect way to ruin it.

Rye bread is also a good alternative, it has a taste that doesn’t go well with any Italian food, plus it will get soggy quite easily.

 

Sausage:

Changing the sausage in an Italian sausage sandwich will really ruin your sandwich and is possibly the easiest way to ruin it.

Links:

  • German sausage: nothing says Italy like a German sausage, right?
  • Swedish potato sausage: Almost as good as German sausage, only with potatoes and onions.
  • Breakfast sausage:  Another sausage worthy of ruining your Italian sausage sandwich, plus these sausages are normally much shorter and won’t fit your bun – nothing is worse than a sandwich made of mostly bread.

 

Loose:

There are many more options with loose sausage sandwiches than with links:

  • Chopped sesame chicken in spaghetti sauce: Calling this an Italian sausage sandwich is horrible and an automatic ruin.
  • Tofu: need I say more?
  • Diced onions in barbecue sauce: Even worse than chopped sesame chicken, it will ruin your sandwich even if you love onions.

 

Sauce:

The widest option you have for ruining an Italian sausage sandwich.

  • Melted strawberry ice cream.
  • Ghost pepper salsa.
  • Sloppy Joe sauce.
  • Sweet and sour sauce: Just don’t pair this one with chopped sesame chicken.
  • Strawberry jam.

 

Cheese:

Also one of the most options available to you to ruin an Italian sausage sandwich.

  • Grated white chocolate
  • Grated Horseradish
  • Whipped cream
  • Swiss cheese
  • White Cheddar
  • Monterey jack
  • Blue cheese: This counts as two ruins in one as blue cheese is moldy.

That’s all the ideas I have tonight, can you think of anything I left out? Let me know in the comments.

This should keep you busy ruining Italian sausage sandwiches for quite while, or at least until next Saturday night when I hope you’ll join me again to ruin another food!

Thanks for reading!

 

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One thought on “How to ruin any food: Italian sausage sandwich

  1. Pingback: How to ruin any food: A look back at Summer | Mageowl's Blog

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