Jokes for July 2nd

believe it or not, it’s Wednesday night again. I don’t have any new jokes for you this week, instead I thought you might enjoy these favorites of mine:

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Jokes

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A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing,the farmer said everything was. Coming up roses. The city slicker congratulation end the farm, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

A man walked into a truck stop and ordered a hamburger, ad an after thought he added “Hold the pickle.”
A few moments later, Harry, the truck stop’s harried short order chef whose was very hairy, came marching out on the kitchen and thrust a dripping cucumber into the man’s hand, saying “Hold your own pickle!”

Jack went to a taco joint south of the border for Lunch, after he had eaten he noticed a rabbi, a cardinal and a cleric making something together behind the counter, curious he asked the proprietor, Jose.
Jose opened his mouth to reply, but a ninja fell from the ceiling, pressed a dirk to Jose’s throat and asked what he wanted on his tombstone.
Being a person who always answered any questions asked him, and knowing that he had only one more chance to speak before he died, answered both questions at one by saying “Holy guacamole!”
Jose was astounded when the ninja laughed, handed him an avocado pizza and left peacefully.

An arch villain decided to start recruiting rabbits for his minions, deciding that he needed a catchy slogan, he settled on ‘hare today, goon tomorrow.

Once there was a child born to a mad scientist and a super villain, she grew up watching as her parents were defeated time and again by superheroes. Deciding to combine the knowledge and powers endowed to her by her patents, she became a super mad scientist villain, she was bent on taking over the world, to that end she raised an army of mutated rabbits. Everything was going according to plan, New York was nearly captured, but then several superheroes united and forced her rabbit army to fall back in an orderly fashion.

 Her minion in charge of the attack reported back “We’ve got a retreating hare line.”

Since there used to be tin works and ironworks and every other kind of works where the object before works was turned into things, what do they make in fireworks today?

When you’re in a boat that starts sinking, you grab a bucket and start to bail. What do you do if your boat hits an iceberg? Use an ice bucket.

How did the carafe make the baseball team? it was a pitcher.
Which is safer to be near, a ripe avocado or a ripe strawberry? 

A ripe avocado, strawberries are always getting into jams. 

An astronomer walked home after shopping for groceries, he never noticed that one of the bags was ripping until he heard a bottle smash onto the street behind him. The astronomer turned and laughed, to a passerby he said “There’s the Milky Way!” 
Why did the chicken fear the comedian?

He butchered his jokes.
A prominent psychologist decided to move his practice to the country, so he bought an old farm. On the farm was an old smokehouse, he turned the smokehouse into his office.

 An actor who was having problems went to the psychologist one day for help, he couldn’t resist asking hm why he had moved his practice to the country, the psycoogist waved off the question as he was eager to get down to business, instead he promised “When we get done here, you’ll be a cured ham!”

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 I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

Thanks for reading!

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