How to ruin any food: Ice cream toppings: syrups

Tonight we’re going to ruin ice cream toppings. There are so many different things people put on top of ice cream that I’m going to break this post into two, tonight we’re going to focus on syrups, next week we’ll focus on fruit toppings.

You might be wondering why I’m ruining ice cream toppings, the reason is that it’s summer, the time everyone eats ice cream, plus I ruined ice cream numerous times last summer, however I neglected to ruin toppings in a dedicated post.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

Unfortunately the history behind such ice cream staples as chocolate syrup and strawberry syrup are lost to time. Any number of searches found only the history  of the big brands of these, if that.

Therefore, I’ll create the history for you, please enjoy:

The history of Chocolate syrup:

One day George Washing ton was tired of his ice cream having only fruit on it, he was having supper with the Mexican ambassador at the time, they were in a heated discussion regarding territory. The Mexican ambassador set down his fresh mug of hot chocolate, which he had brought with him from Mexico.  George Washington’s dog chose that moment to chase a cat through the study, upsetting the table with the ice cream and hot chocolate, when the dust had settled, the hot chocolate had been cooled into a syrup by the ice cream. When George Washington tasted it, he declared a national holiday where everyone would try this amazing treat. However not enough cocoa beans could be imported in time and no one celebrated the holiday.

 

The history of Strawberry ice cream syrup:

 

One day in 1813, a woman was making strawberry jam, due to a sudden attack by the British (it was during the War of 1812  after all), she was forced to flee. When she returned hours later, the fire was out and the jam was thin and runny. A wounded solider was helping himself to the almost strawberry jam, ladling it on a bowl of frozen cream, thus was Strawberry syrup born.

 

While this history I just created is doubtful, there is really nothing I could find to counter it.

 

What they are:

Syrups for ice cream come in many flavors, chocolate, strawberry and caramel are the most popular.

The secret is for the syrup to be thin enough that you can spoon, poor or squeeze it on your ice cream while it is room temperature or below (the syrup that is).

 

Due to the number of recipes available online, I have omitted the How to make it section of this post.

 

How to ruin them:

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the syrups.

Chocolate:

Chocolate sauce is very easy to ruin, simply add any of these ingredients into your chocolate sauce:

  • Soy sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Coffee grounds.
  • Grease from cooking or lard, you might have to warm it up first.

 

Strawberry:

This section is broken down in to two parts, a replacement part and an add to part.

Add to:

Add any of these to your normal strawberry syrup to ruin it:

  • Steak sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Spaghetti sauce (you didn’t expect me to leave this out, did you?).
  • Garlic powder (stir in until it is fully blended)

Replace with:

Replace your strawberry syrup with any of these for a wonderful ruined topping:

  • Ketchup
  • Sweet and sour sauce
  • Chilled tomato soup with basil
  • Tomato sauce

Caramel:

Caramel sauce is much harder than the others to ruin, however it is still possible:

  • Add plenty of salt, it will help melt the ice cream, thus ruining it.
  • Garlic powder can also be incorporated into this sauce, however your guests may think you should be incarcerated for doing so, or at least have your cookbooks incinerated.
  • Add beef broth instead of milk, it will give it a bit more body.

 

That’s about all the ways I have for ruining ice cream syrups tonight, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin the fruits you can top ice cream with.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your own ideas for ruining ice cream toppings!

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2 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Ice cream toppings: syrups

  1. Pingback: How to ruin any food: Ice cream toppings: fruits | Mageowl's Blog

  2. Pingback: How to ruin any food: A look back at Summer | Mageowl's Blog

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