How to ruin any food: Ice cream toppings: fruits

Thanks for joining me again this week, tonight we’re going to finish ruining ice cream toppings!

Last week you’ll remember that we tackled ruining ice cream syrups (https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/07/26/how-to-ruin-any-food-ice-cream-toppings-syrups/), tonight we’ll be ruining the fruit you might put on your ice cream.

I hope you’ll find this post as interesting as last weeks!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

Fruits on ice cream date back to the earliest days of ice cream. Depending on how you want to define ice cream, the fruits on top could actually be said to predate actual ice cream as they were put on bowls of flavored snow or ice before cream was widely adopted.

While no one quite knows when ice cream was really invented or what they first put on top, fruits were likely there.

If you’re interested in learning more, these two sites may be of interest to you:

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodicecream.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_cream

What it is:

Fruits on ice cream are just that; whole or halved or diced fruits sprinkled on top of a bowl of ice cream. Why are they there? To make it healthy of course! As long as you’re eating fruits you can have a second helping… unless you’re eating a bowl of ice cream with ruined fruit topping of course.

 

How to top your ice cream:

There are many methods of topping a bowl of ice cream with fruits.

  1. Place a whole piece of fruit, normally something small like a cherry, right on top.
  2. Place a piece of fruit on top of your ice cream. Peaches and apples work wonderful this way.
  3. Dice up your fruit into small bite size pieces, this method works well when using a medley of fruits.
  4. Cut your fruit into spears and poke them into your ice cream, crisscrossing them to resemble a kind of breastwork to keep your spoon away from the ice cream, this can also be useful for ruining your ice cream as when done properly it will prevent you from getting to the ice cream before it’s melted.

There are many other ways to add fruits to your ice cream, experiment and enjoy!

 

How to ruin it:

To make things easier, we’ll break this section down into parts:

1: Whole fruits,

2: Sliced fruits

3: Others

Whole fruits:

Whole fruits normally used to top ice cream include strawberries and cherries. These are used because of their small size which makes it easy to get on your spoon.

I suggest replacing these fruits with any of the following, these  well ruin your ice cream without much effort:

  • Cherry tomato
  • Strawberry shaped tomato
  • Small round bell pepper
  • Small round hot pepper
  • Olives, black or green, just cover with chocolate syrup to disguise them.
  • Use grapes with seeds in place of blueberries, the large seeds will startle whoever is eating them, plus the time spent spitting out the seeds will cause the ice cream to melt, which will also ruin it.

As you can tell, these fruit replacements will not even resemble the original in either taste or texture.

Sliced fruits:

Sliced fruits are normally much larger and typically of a soft nature. Bananas and peaches are commonly used, apples are also used occasionally.

These replacements will be strange enough to make anyone refuse seconds:

  • Sliced potatoes, some people might bite into these expecting them to be bananas, they will be surprised.
  • Turnips, everyone will turn up their noses at this!
  • Sliced and seeded cucumbers, well salted. These will taste odd and melt the ice cream faster, resulting in a double ruin.
  • Rutabaga, what kind of ice cream is complete without rutabaga? At least if you’re ruining it.

Any one of these will be sufficient to ruin your ice cream, two or more may be risking a lifelong hatred of ice cream.

Others:

This sections contains everything that doesn’t fit in the other categories:

  • Salsa: made up mostly of peppers and tomatoes, this counts as fruits and will ruin any ice cream it come in contact with.
  • Pickled jalapenos: Need I say more?
  • Pickled Onions: On ice cream? Ruined to the nth degree!

Many people enjoy shredded coconut on top of their ice cream, here are three ways to ruin this idea:

  • Salt the coconut to increase the rate of melting.
  • Use dried onion slices broken into pieces instead.
  • Use small pieces of pasta instead, if you get the right kind, no one will notice the difference until they bite into it.

That’s all I have for tonight, I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food, if you have a request to see something special ruined, please feel free to ask in the comments.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your own ideas for ruining ice cream fruit toppings!

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4 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Ice cream toppings: fruits

  1. Pingback: How to ruin any food: A look back at Summer | Mageowl's Blog

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