How to ruin any food: Pumpkin soup

Tonight we’re going to ruin Pumpkin soup. Why? Because we can. Just what is it about pumpkins that caused someone to look at them oh so long ago and say “I bet I could carve a face in that!” right after which they said “It’s a big hollow thing, must be good eatin’!”

While we will never know the answers to those questions, we can at least comfort ourselves with knowing how to ruin a bowl of pumpkin soup.

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

What it is:

Pumpkin soup is just that: soup made from a pumpkin. It’s a relatively simple dish made from pumpkin and stock or broth.

History of Pumpkin Soup:

While researching the history of pumpkin soup, I was surprised to see at first that it’s origin was attributed to Haiti around 1801. However as I kept looking, I was unable to find enough evidence to prove that that’s were it was first made.

While I was unable to find any definitive proof either way, it is worth noting that everything seems to have been made into soup at one point or another.

While the origin of pumpkin soup may not be known for certain, I hope that this post will be remembered for a long time as the first time it was thoroughly ruined.

How to make it:

There are many variations to pumpkin soup online, so here are the basic steps, you can add other seasonings to taste, a quick search on your favorite recipe site will give you some ideas.

Peel and cook your pumpkin until it’s soft. Mash or puree it with broth or stock. Serve.

How to ruin it:

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the soup! There are so many ways to ruin pumpkin soup that I’ve had to break it down into more than the normal three options! Enjoy!

Stock, broth or liquid:

The base of the soup, this is one of the most important parts of the soup and consequently, the easiest to ruin. Here are a few ideas:

  • Lemonade
  • Root Beer
  • Ginger ale
  • Melted vanilla ice cream

Pumpkin replacements:

You can replace the pumpkin in your soup to ruin it, it’s easy and no extra work:

  • Turnips – The original jack-o-lanterns!
  • Rutabaga – Awful name, has anyone really eaten one?
  • Candy pumpkins – My favorite! Make your soup real pumpkin soup and ruin it at the same time!

Pumpkin ruining:

Yes, you can ruin your pumpkin too! In fact, you can ruin your pumpkin and eat it too… I’m just not sure why you’d want to eat it after ruining it…

  • Slice a whole pumpkin into quarters and bake it at 400° for six hours, whatever is left is ruined.
  • Make sure you have a stringy pumpkin, you don’t want a pumpkin that is for eating.
  • Dye your pumpkin green using food coloring, most people will think it’s moldy, instant ruin!
  • Soak your pumpkin in cola for six hours, use the resulting goo in your recipe.

 

Spices:

Unfortunately pumpkin lends itself to most spices, here are the few that it doesn’t go well with:

  • Curry powder
  • Horseradish powder
  • Cilantro

While there may be other spices to ruin pumpkin, these were the ones I found, do you have any suggestions?

Additions:

Here are a few additions to your normal pumpkin soup recipe that  promise to ruin it!

  • Chocolate syrup
  • Caramel sauce
  • Strawberry syrup
  • Hot sauce
  • Hot sauce and raisins

More ways:

Yes, I have even more ways to ruin your pumpkin soup! Here are a few that could have been in other categories, but which I thought deserved their own:

  • Use pumpkin skin instead of the pumpkin flesh.
  • Have the pumpkin top floating on your soup.
  • Use whole pumpkins, uncooked, just drop into your broth or stock.
  • Serve with a scoop of Neapolitan ice cream on top.
  •  Right before serving, add small blue candies, bonus ruin if they fizz.

That’s about all the ideas I have for ruining pumpkin soup tonight. Did I miss an obvious ones? Do you have a favorite way to ruin pumpkin soup? Share it in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Have a great weekend!

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