It’s Wednesday night again, but it’s also almost Halloween! Tonight I have a bunch of monster jokes for you, featuring witches, vampires and more! Some are old favorites, but most of them are brand new! Plus two without monsters in them that I couldn’t resist. I hope you enjoy them!
A ghost went to a therapist to find out why he wasn’t scary. He preformed all of his tricks, rattling chains, howling, turning invisible and anything else he could think of.
When he had done everything twice, he turned to the therapist and ask if she was scared.
“I’m afraid not,” the therapist replied.
A spy arranged to meet another spy in the haunted graveyard at midnight. He waited until nearly dawn before leaving. When he reported to his superiors, he said “the spy didn’t show, something spooked him.”
Why did the ghost join the CIA?
Because he was a spook at heart.
When the ghost saw the werewolf fighting the vampire in the graveyard, he said it was a haunting site.
Why did the vampire’s construction company get a bad reputation?
They were fly by nights.
When the vampire closed his costume store for lunch, he put a sign in the door that read: Out for a bite.
Why did the vampire get into the used book business?
He wanted to do something he could really sink his teeth into.
Why did the vampire refuse to play poker?
He didn’t like the stakes.
Why do vampires never bet onhorse races?
They don’t like stakes.
Why did the dairyman scare his cows?
Because he needed the milk curdled.
Why to dairymen like blood drenched mystery novels?
They like everything curdled.
More monstrous funnies
Do werewolves enjoy gardening?
No, gardening is a wolfs bane.
When a religious personage presided over an annual contest to see who could throw a gourd the furthest, the pumpkin was canonized.
Who do monsters turn to for directions?
Witches, they always know which way to go.
When the mad scientist invented a way to turn people transparent, he thought he would be famous, however it turned out he was a fraud, everyone saw right through him.
That’s all the jokes for tonight, I hope you enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed coming up with them.
Thanks for reading! A