How to ruin any food: Frosting

Frosting, is there any other food in the world that can bring people together as well? Who doesn’t enjoy the sweet taste of frosting, be it on a cake, a doughnut, a gram cracker or just by the spoonful?

I hope you find this post informative and worth a chuckle.

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

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What is it:

Frosting is a combination of butter and sugar whipped until it’s fluffy. It can be flavored and colored.

Often mistakenly called icing, frosting is different. A good explanation on the difference between Frosting and Icing can be found at this site: http://www.diffen.com/difference/Frosting_vs_Icing

History of frosting:

The history  of frosting is fragmented to say the least. Some people claim it was invented in 1494, others say sometime in the 16th century, no one gives any idea who invented it or under what circumstances. A few reference sites an unnamed french chef in the 16th century, which is very vague to say the least.

So while the history of frosting must remain a mystery, at least we can continue to enjoy it… unless it’s ruined frosting, of course.

 

How to make it:

A simple frosting consists of powdered sugar (also often called confectioners sugar), butter and milk.

It’s best to have well softened butter, add some powdered sugar and milk, whip until you get a nice fluffy frosting. If desired add a flavor, such as chocolate via cocoa powder.

How to ruin it:

While a wonderful food, while I would like nothing more than to say it cannot be ruined, this is not the case, in fact frosting is very easily ruined, here are just a few ideas:

Spices:

Spices are a very good and very easy way to ruin frosting. Spices can be used to make non ruined frosting, however these following spices will ruin a good frosting:

  • Curry powder
  • Cayenne powder
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Cumin powder
  • Horseradish powder

 

Sugar replacements:

Yes, Virginia, you can replace the sugar in frosting, but it’ll ruin it:

  • Salt
  • Cornstarch
  • Flour

Any of these three ideas should turn out a frosting similar in texture to normal frosting, but will ruin it.

Butter replacements:

These butter replacements aren’t better!

  • Rancid lard
  • Oil that was used to fry onion rings
  • Margarine (it’s nasty, even if some people don’t think so.)
  • Beeswax – just make sure it’s your own beeswax and mind it well.

Milk replacements:

Is your milk on strike? Here are a few replacements!

  • Root beer – as a bonus, you get extra foamy frosting!
  • Tomato juice
  • Olive oil
  • Lemon juice – from the sourest lemons you can find preferably.
  • Lime juice – From as tart of limes as possible.
  • Coconut oil

More ideas:

Yes, I have a few more ideas that don’t happen to fit anywhere else, enjoy!

 

Celery seeds add a nice bit of flavor and stick in your teeth, just what you need to ruin frosting!

Make it lumpy, melt your butter and add a lot of powdered sugar at once, you’ll get lumps of powdered sugar.

Not lumpy enough for you? Add lumpy mashed potatoes!

Need to ruin good frosting quickly? Simply put a handful of uncooked rice in, stir it up and you have quick ruined frosting!

Have chocolate frosting? Add cracked peppercorns to get that crunchy texture.

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That’s about all the ideas I have right now for ruining frosting, have I missed any? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

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3 thoughts on “How to ruin any food: Frosting

  1. Pingback: How to ruin any food: Oatmeal cookies – Mageowl's Blog

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