Jokes for June 8th (by Agent 028)

I’m 28… Agent 28, I like my catnip shredded, not chopped. Last night Colin asked me to help with the jokes tonight… just like Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, so tonight I went ahead and… immobilized Colin in a fashion similar to how Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, only I used some feather toys and jingling balls in addition to the yarn, he won’t get free anytime soon. Well that’s enough set up, now it’s time for my favorite jokes, enjoy.

 

Why did the mouse cross the road?

Because he knew better than to cross a cat!

 

Why did the cat become a spy?

Sorry, I can’t reveal that.

 

When the cat’s arch-villain released a thousand trained ninja mice, what did the cat say?

Looks like fun!

 

Why did the cat catch mouse?

It was a lot easier than catching a cold!

  

How do you tell a cat from a lion?

Sorry, the answer is classified.

 

A lion, a lynx and a tiger go into a bar, the bartender says…. sorry, the rest of this joke is top secret.

 

(This joke has been classified by CATS and will be replaced by a cat poem)

A butterfly, on its fragile wings,

A mouse on fast mousy legs,

A bird awing,

While all of these may be my prey,

Catnip is bettter than any of them.

 

I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight. I’ve got a thousand more, but I’ve got to go on a mission… I mean, I think I hear a mouse!

 Goodnight everyone!

Jokes for June 1st (by Wild Buffalo Betty)

Hi y’all, Wild Buffalo Betty here. if’en y’all remember, last night Coiln promised Ah could tell some jokes tonight, he tried to back out, at least partly, he suggested we do more of those knock knock jokes… unfortunately he’s a bit tied up right now, Ah showed him how ah’d rope cattle, with any luck he won’t get free from the yarn until I finish my jokes.

 

What’s black and white and purrs?

 Me of course!

 

What can’t Agent 028 tell any secrets?

Because he’s got a cat tongue…. of is that supposed to be he got his tongue? I can never remember…

 

Why is a cat like a bard?

They both like a good yarn.

 

Why is a cat like a weaver?

They both like yarn.

 

How many cats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, we can see fine in the dark.

 

What flavor ice cream do cats like?

Catnip.

 

When do cats let mice go free?

Never, we always charge them.

 

What credit card do mice carry?

Mouse-ercard.

 

How does a feline order gifts?

From a catalog!

 

How does a cat find catnip in a jung…. oh dang, Colin’s almost free!

 Goodnight everyone, ah hope y’all enjoyed these jokes! Now move ‘me up and move ‘me out, pilgrim, yee Ha!

Jokes for February 16th

Hi y’all, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, I thought I’d sneak in tonight a change the jokes in this here post. These joke are really funny, I’m sure y’all will agree.
 

Why did the cat reluctantly chase a mouse across the street?

Because it really wanted to chase a chicken.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because I was chasing it!

 

What happens when a cat steals some shut eye?

It catnaps it!

 

Why didn’t the cat catch a moth?

Because it wanted a fly!

 

What does a cat call a large patch of catnip plants?

A field of dreams!

 

Ah reckon I could keep going all night, but I think I can hear that guy coming, he won’t be happy seeing what I did. See y’all at the next ro-dae-o!

Jokes for February 9th

It’s been another quick week, hasn’t it? I have few few jokes for you tonight, enjoy!

 

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What did the cat think when the chef started performing Shakespeare?

He was hamletting it up.

 

What is a beekeeper’s favorite line from hamlet?

To be or not to be.

 

When are flowers like Shakespearian play?

When there are two bees.

 

Why do hockey players enjoy Shakespeare’s play, A midsummers night dream?

They like anything with a puck in it.

 

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I didn’t promise that they’d be good jokes, but I do hope that they made you chuckle at least.

 Thanks for reading!

Thursday night humor for January 12th

Another week, another joke.

 Before the humor, I have a quick question for you: which title do you prefer for this weekly post ‘Humor for date’ or ‘Jokes for date’? Let me know in the comments.

 

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Why did the snowman hate the cold snap?

His New Years resolution was to lose weight.

 

How does a cat spend a cloudy day?

He sleeps any way he wants.

 

What did the cat think when the mouse got the milk product in the cartoon?

She declared that it was a cheesy scene.

 

When a mouse stole the spotlight at an awards ceremony, the cat said that the mouse was acting cheesy.

 

If a snowman snubs a celebrity, I guess you could say he gave the star a cold shoulder.

 

What do you call an athlete who pawns pass cards?

A hock-key player

  

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I hope you enjoyed the humor for tonight. Thanks for reading!

Humor for June 22nd

Sorry for being gone from WordPress with a word for the past week.

 Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few old favorites, all about ice cream, in a manner of speaking. Enjoy!

 

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Why was the ice tray cited for disturbing the peace after it threw a party?

Because of all the ice screams.

 

What happened when the dairy mogul moved his operation to the North Pole and everything froze?

He was arrested for all of the cold blooded ice screams.

 

What did the overworked ice cream maker say when asked about the new flavors that were coming out?

He said (in a cold voice) that they gave him a headache.

 

What happens when frozen cream start serving drinks?

It becomes an ice cream bar. 

 

What website do desserts use to communicate?

Ice cream social media.

 

How do you make an ice cream float? 

Put it on the Queen Mary

 

What does a cat call anchovies in ice cream? 

Purr-fection.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the jokes!

Jokes for June 24th

Another Wednesday night, another round of jokes. Some jokes can be funny, some jokes can be silly, some jokes can actually be thought provoking, a joke might even speak volumes on politics , religion, world events or many other current things people worry about, then there are these jokes. Enjoy!

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Jokes:

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A snake went into a town and tried to open up a business selling various fats for cooking. It didn’t last long as the town had banned snake oil salesmen.

A hockey player retired and got a job delivering packages for a large bank. One day he was delivering a package to a gas station, the owner of the gas station refused to take the package, saying “Sorry, we don’t take checks here.”

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Whats  

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What happens if you steal a jewel before crossing a cow and a chef while riding in a roller coaster?
You get a milkshake and a grilling, along with some ups and downs.

What did the clerk say when the garbage can vanished?
That stinks.

What do snakes have in common with crooked sea captains?
They are both slippery.

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Hows 

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How do you tell the difference between an egg, a safe cracker and a was here’d up pilot?

One gets cracks, one cracks and the other cracks up.
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

We’ll never find out because the bill authorizing the changing of the light bulb died in committee on a party line vote.

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Whens 

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When the bull rider rode a horse at the rodeo, every news outlet used the same headline: No bull.

When a cat jumps straight up in the air, can you say it’s catsup?

When the cat made the baseball team, it was delighted to hear that he’d be playing against a mouse the next day, it turned into  little more than a cat and mouse game.

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I hope at least one of these jokes made you chuckle.

Thanks for reading and keep laughing until next Wednesday.

Jokes for March 11th

Tonight I have an interesting array of jokes for you, I hope you enjoy them, I enjoyed coming up with them for you.

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Whys:

Why did the comedian do his act while running a marathon?
He had a running joke.

Why did the marathon runner take a playing card with him?
He was a running joker.

Why did the cookie baker try out for the baseball team?
He had a great cutter.

Whens:

When the cat ran off carrying a book of humor, it became a running joke

When the baseball player went to Los Vegas, he won big at cards, he had an ace on his side.

When the clockmaker trying out for the baseball team had a slow start in spring training, he ran out of time.

Jokes:

A genetic scientist had managed to splice human genes into all the food in his kitchen, while his back was turned everything got out of hand. The food began having battles with one another: the eggs were beaten and the cream was whipped. When the fowl managed to take over most of the kitchen, everything began to change, it was chicken a la king, the beef was grilled, and gladiator style battles were arranged; cherries pitted against oranges, even the fish agreed that fight was the pits.
The only sign of freedom was the apple pie, it was a la mode.
Farmer Bob noticed that the farm next to his had been sold, he wanted to meet his new neighbor, but things came up and it was time for the carrot crop to be harvested before he found time to talk over the fence to the new neighbor. He was surprised to see the new farmer was being followed by a group of rabbits, he managed to ask the new farmer about it.
 “I was an animal trainer, I could get a dog to do any trick you wanted, I trained horses to prance, heck, I even managed to train a cat to sleep on command. These here rabbits are much better however,” the new farmer added, farmer Bob asked how they were better, so the new farmer explained, “I trained them to follow me as I harvest, each one carries a tiny sack of seed, which they plant as they follow me, they are my reseeded hare line.”
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I hope you’ve enjoyed these joke, puns and riddles,

Jokes for December 3rd

It’s Wednesday night again and that, of course, means it’s time for jokes!
Tonight I’ve got a few odd jokes, a few funny jokes and a few jokes that just make little or no sense.

Jokes:

A cat spied a mouse in the kitchen and started chasing it through the house. The mouse nearly managed to get away from the cat near a bookshelf, but the cat ran into the bookshelf, causing a few books to tumble to the ground as the chase continued.
The bookshelf sighed and told the nearby chair, “That cat and mouse scared the Dickens out of me!”

A spy realized that he had been found out and tried to escape. He ran through a mall and into a Chinese restaurant before being tackled. He managed to get away from the men following him and into the kitchen, but a waiter bumped him and he fell into a pot. He reluctantly acknowledged that he was in hot water.

Whats:

What did the cat say when she slept all day?
I had a purrfect nap.

What did the computer do when its mouse stopped working?
It called the cat.

What did the retired captain do to get ready for the holidays?
He ordered the decks swabbed and the hull built from boughs of holly.

Whys:

Why did the reindeer buy flood insurance?
Because he lived in the rainforest.

Why do baseball pitchers make good pancakes?
Because they know what to do when the batters up.

Why do thieves love Christmas?
Because of all the silver bells.

Why do cats always feel like criminals?
Because they are always collared.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed at least one of these jokes!
I hope you’ll join me again next week for a new batch of jokes. Please feel free to comment.

Jokes for November 19th

It’s Wednesday night again, time for another batch of jokes! Tonight I’ve got a bunch of jokes, both good and bad, that I’m eager to share with you!

Whats

What did the submarine captain do when he retired?
He bought a dive.

What did Dr. Van Helsing serve for Thanksgiving?
Stakes.

What did the baseball pitcher turned judge say to the outfielder before throwing the book at him?
You’re way off base.

Jokes

A world famous cyber thief took sick and when to see a famous doctor. The doctor examined the thief. After careful consideration, the doctor said “Take one tablet an hour and call me in the morning.”

The captain of a submarine retired and opened up a hardware store that only took orders online. Things were going well until one day when a retired enemy admiral turned contractor came in to pick up his order. The retired sub captain asked for his order, the admiral replied “Sink, sink!”

Cats

Jane excitedly called up a famous scientistic paper to announce a world shaking discovery.
“I’ve discovered something that can change its mass to be as light a a feather or as heavy as a boulder!”
The scientists were appropriately intrigued and asked for more details.
“It’s a cat,” Jane replied.

What activity are cats adept at?
Laps.

Thank’s for reading, I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.