Cooking with Agent 028

You’re likely wondering why I agreed to do a post on this blog by myself. I can assure you I’m not being bribed with catnip like another cat on here… still if Wild Buffalo Betty can do a cooking post, so can I!

 Today I’d like to show you how to cook a favorite meal of mine… you might want to know the name of it, but that’s classified.

Here’s how you start:

 Take a certain amount of a certain meat, prepare it in a secret manner only known to twenty cats in the world and heat it in an oven at a redacted temperature.

 Now while that is cooking, take a (censored) and slice it in half with a chef’s knife. Dice it in to exactly x number of pieces and sauté in a pan. I’d like to tell you what size pan and what type of oil to use, but I’d have to kill you if I did… aren’t I cute? That’s my secret weapon you know, lethal cuteness.

 Now let’s make a nice sauce to mix everything together in. Take a jar of something I can’t reveal, add it to the pan and mix until everything is well combined. Simmer it until it’s a classified thickness, then place a lid on the pan and take it off the heat, it should be at perfect secret temperature in just a few minutes.

 It’s now been a set length of time since the meat has been in the oven, it’s ready, now we mix everything together and it’s ready to eat!

Now that’s my favorite dish, what’s yours?

Jokes for March 9th

It’s Thursday night again, that means it’s time for some jokes! I hope you enjoy, I tried to find something that would appeal to everyone.

 

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Why did the bell offer to make a fruit salad?

Because it was good at peeling.

 

Why did the chef complain that he felt like a bell?

Because he had been peeling all day.

 

What did people say about the desert the chef made in the shape of a bell?

It was a-pealing.

 

What happened when the banana ran into the bell?

It peeled.

 

When the clockmaker ran out of chimes, he put an orange in his new clock, he hoped that it would let out a peel when struck.

 

Why did the bell like apples instead of strawberries?

They had a good peel.

 

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I hope these jokes made you laugh. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 3rd

It’s Friday night, time for Thursday night jokes, sorry for the delay.

 

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Why did the chef win an Oscar?

It was for something he whipped up.

 

Why did the chef become an inventor?

He enjoyed whipping up new things.

 

How did the chef get enough money to build a new restaurant?

He buttered up an investor during a toast.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope to be back on schedule next week.

Jokes for February 23rd

It’s Thursday night, which means that tomorrow is Friday. Who is ready for the weekend?

 Anyway, I hope you enjoy these jokes tonight.

 

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What day of the week is a chef’s favorite day?

Fry-day

 

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?

Friday

 

Why does ice cream enjoy Fridays?

Because it’s not a sundae.

 

Was the egg roll happy it was Monday?

Yes, it was over the moon happy that it wasn’t Friday.

 

Which day of the week is the best day to make fritters?

Friday.

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I hope these jokes made you out chuckle, or at least made you want some French fries.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for Wednesday, November 30th

I promised you some jokes last night and Deby Fredericks from https://wyrmflight.wordpress.com/ offered me a seemingly simple one: Why did the turkey cross the road?
 Here are a number of answers to the joke:

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Joke – start

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Why did the turkey cross the road?

 

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Joke – Answers:

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Because it was easier to cross the road than the mashed potatoes.

  

To get to the gravy.

  

Because there was a hungry cat chasing him.

 

Because he saw a cob of corn over there and couldn’t wait to gobble it up.

 

He was a bit confused because the directions he received said it was ‘twelve miles how the crow flies.’

 

The road was better than the green bean casserole.

  

Because it wasn’t a chicken.

  

To the turkey, it was better to run the risk of crossing the road than to be sauced like the cranberries.

 

Because there was an all you can eat buffet and he wanted to be stuffed.

 

Some scientists argue that the turkey was standing still and the road moved underneath him.

 

Does it really matter what the turkey’s motives were when we could instead debate what political party it belonged too?

 

Debating the motives of a turkey is nearly as difficult as determining why a road was built in an area previously designated for turkey crossings.

 

The real question should be if there was a car coming.

 

It was trying to get to a turkey trot.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these answer to tonight’s joke. I’d like to thank Deby Frederick’s for the start to tonight’s joke.

 If anyone has another joke they’d like to see my answers too, feel free to post it in the comments and I might use it next week.

Thanks for reading!

Two jokes for August 3rd

It’s Wednesday night again, it’s been another quick week so far, but I managed to come up with too jokes for you, enjoy!

 

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What did the citrus fruit promise when he ran for office?

Lemonade.

  

What does a citrus fruit need when its injured?

Lemon-aid.

 

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I hope you enjoyed the jokes tonight, thanks for reading!

Food Mash Up: Banana Split Ice Cream Sanwich

Tonight I’m doing something a bit different for a Food Mash Up, normally I combined two foods that are not normally thought of together, instead of that, tonight I’m going to make it easier for those of you who have a hard time choosing between an Ice Cream Sandwich and a Banana Split, enjoy!

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Banana Split Ice Cream Sandwich

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We have two radically different desserts here to combine:

 

Banana Split: A concoction of a banana sliced in half, placed in a dish and covered with ice cream, chocolate sauce and topped with a maraschino cherry.

Ice Cream Sandwich: Two cookies placed around a slab of ice cream, which allows for a spoon free, yet not as messy way to enjoy ice cream.

 

The key is to stay as true to each as possible, while incorporating the best part of each. This is a lot easier than might be expected. There are several other attempts at creating such a delight, but the ones I’ve seen all miss the point of being self contained.

The history of each of these items are blurred to say the least, no one knows who exactly invented either dessert, but suffice to say they are both well loved.

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What you need:

Bananas – sliced the easy way (into circles)

Ice cream -softened but not melted

Large ice cream sandwich cookies – the lager the better.

Maraschino cherries – optional – chopped

Shredded coconut

Good quality chocolate bar – grated

Whipped cream -optional-

Melted chocolate, beginning to cool.

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Building a better sandwich:

 

Take one cookie and put a thin coating of ice cream on it, maybe 1/4″ thick, depending on how thick you want the final sandwich to be.

After spreading your ice cream, place a layer of sliced banana on it, make sure to squeeze as many slices as possible on it without too much over lapping. Next spread another thin layer of ice cream over the bananas, being careful to cover all the bananas.

On top of the second layer of ice cream, sprinkle your coconut and chocolate, you want to make sure there is enough of each, however do not cover all of your ice cream, other wise your sandwich may not stay in one piece.

Add a third layer of ice cream. On top of your third layer of ice cream, add your chopped maraschino cherries, again making sure not to cover quite all of the ice cream below.

Add a fourth layer of ice cream or use whipped cream if you’d prefer, top with another cookie.

Freeze the banana spit sandwich until firm, then dip the edges in the melted chocolate and refreeze for half an hour and enjoy.

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There you have it, a new treat for a hot summer day, I hope you enjoyed this post.

Thanks for reading!

Humor for June 22nd

Sorry for being gone from WordPress with a word for the past week.

 Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few old favorites, all about ice cream, in a manner of speaking. Enjoy!

 

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Why was the ice tray cited for disturbing the peace after it threw a party?

Because of all the ice screams.

 

What happened when the dairy mogul moved his operation to the North Pole and everything froze?

He was arrested for all of the cold blooded ice screams.

 

What did the overworked ice cream maker say when asked about the new flavors that were coming out?

He said (in a cold voice) that they gave him a headache.

 

What happens when frozen cream start serving drinks?

It becomes an ice cream bar. 

 

What website do desserts use to communicate?

Ice cream social media.

 

How do you make an ice cream float? 

Put it on the Queen Mary

 

What does a cat call anchovies in ice cream? 

Purr-fection.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the jokes!

How to ruin any food: Soft Tacos

Tonight I’m going to show you how to ruin soft tacos. This soft take on the classic hard or crisp taco is quite tasty and even easier to ruin than normal tacos.

I hope you’re ready to enjoy a batch of ruined soft tacos!

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

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What they are:

A soft taco is basically a small flour tortilla with beans, meat, cheese and other toppings piled on one side of the tortilla and the other side folded over.

 

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History of soft tacos:

 

The history of tacos is interesting in itself, in fact it seems that what we know today as a soft taco is more traditional than the hard-shelled tacos, though the original soft tacos would have been made with corn tortillas instead of flour ones.

The history of tacos is an uncertain one, though there are references to it having been invented any time between 1500s and the 1800s, though it is possible it is a lot older than either of those dates.

If you’re interested in more details behind the origin of tacos, I suggest these fascinating sites:

National Taco Day: History of the Taco and Recipes

http://allabouttacos.weebly.com/

 

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How to make a soft taco:

 

A soft taco is very simple to make, simply take the filling you normally use for a taco and assemble your soft taco on its side in layers. Normally you’d do it something like this:

Tortilla (of course)

Beans (spread on one half the tortilla)

Meat (right smack dab on top of the beans)

Cheese (On top of the meat)

Salsa

lettuce and sour cream optional.

Fold the tortilla over the filling and enjoy.

 

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How to ruin them:

Now we come to the fun part of the post, ruining soft tacos!

You can ruin your soft tacos by doing any single thing listed below, or if you really want a ruined soft taco, mix and match any  number of the ideas below. Have fun!

Tortillas:

The tortilla is perhaps the most critical part of a soft taco.  The best way to ruin a tortilla is to make them yourself, in which case I suggest reading my post on ruining tortillas:

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/08/09/how-to-ruin-any-food-tortilas/

If you don’t have the time to ruin your tortillas from scratch, there are still a few things you can do to store-bought tortillas:

  • Place the tortillas into a low over until they begin to turn crispy, the tortilla will break when you try to fold it, helping to ruin your soft taco.
  • Take a sharp knife and cut a tiny slit into the center of each tortilla, once folded this will rip and the filling will spill out, ruining your soft taco.
  • Get the largest tortillas you can find, these will be too large to easily eat as a soft taco, ruining your meal.
  • Brush your tortillas with melted butter and shake a mixture of nutmeg and cinnamon on, allow to sit until the butter hardens up. The result will be a tortilla that tastes like it was meant for a dessert, plus if enough butter was used, it’ll become slippery in the eaters hand, ruining the meal.

Refried Beans:

Ruining refried beans is quite easy, I point you to the post I wrote about ruining them:

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/09/28/how-to-ruin-any-food-refried-beans/

Cheese:

Ah, cheese, perhaps one of my favorite ways to ruin something. The wrong cheese can turn a great meal into a ruined meal in seconds.

To ruin your soft tacos, consider using any of the following cheeses instead of cheddar:

  • Limburger
  • Mozzarella
  • Swiss
  • Blue cheese (also adds that moldy color, double the ruin!)
  • Munster

 

Toppings:

What’s better than the toppings on a taco, soft or otherwise?

Try a few of these toppings on your next soft taco to ruin it:

  • Strawberry jam
  • Strawberry jam mixed with pickle relish to mimic salsa.
  • Coleslaw
  • Sauerkraut
  • Spaghetti sauce
  • Mustard
  • Ketchup
  • Barbecue sauce
  • Pesto

Sour cream replacements:

  • Vanilla ice cream
  • Mint ice cream
  • Tomato ice cream (there really is such a thing)
  • Buttered popcorn
  • Frozen yogurt

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There you have it, several ways to ruin soft tacos. Did I miss any? What is your favorite way to ruin a soft taco? Have a food you’d like to see me ruin? Leave a comment!

Thanks for reading!