Jokes for March 9th

It’s Thursday night again, that means it’s time for some jokes! I hope you enjoy, I tried to find something that would appeal to everyone.

 

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Why did the bell offer to make a fruit salad?

Because it was good at peeling.

 

Why did the chef complain that he felt like a bell?

Because he had been peeling all day.

 

What did people say about the desert the chef made in the shape of a bell?

It was a-pealing.

 

What happened when the banana ran into the bell?

It peeled.

 

When the clockmaker ran out of chimes, he put an orange in his new clock, he hoped that it would let out a peel when struck.

 

Why did the bell like apples instead of strawberries?

They had a good peel.

 

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I hope these jokes made you laugh. Thanks for reading!

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Jokes for March 3rd

It’s Friday night, time for Thursday night jokes, sorry for the delay.

 

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Why did the chef win an Oscar?

It was for something he whipped up.

 

Why did the chef become an inventor?

He enjoyed whipping up new things.

 

How did the chef get enough money to build a new restaurant?

He buttered up an investor during a toast.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope to be back on schedule next week.

Jokes for February 23rd

It’s Thursday night, which means that tomorrow is Friday. Who is ready for the weekend?

 Anyway, I hope you enjoy these jokes tonight.

 

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What day of the week is a chef’s favorite day?

Fry-day

 

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?

Friday

 

Why does ice cream enjoy Fridays?

Because it’s not a sundae.

 

Was the egg roll happy it was Monday?

Yes, it was over the moon happy that it wasn’t Friday.

 

Which day of the week is the best day to make fritters?

Friday.

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I hope these jokes made you out chuckle, or at least made you want some French fries.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for Wednesday, November 30th

I promised you some jokes last night and Deby Fredericks from https://wyrmflight.wordpress.com/ offered me a seemingly simple one: Why did the turkey cross the road?
 Here are a number of answers to the joke:

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Joke – start

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Why did the turkey cross the road?

 

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Joke – Answers:

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Because it was easier to cross the road than the mashed potatoes.

  

To get to the gravy.

  

Because there was a hungry cat chasing him.

 

Because he saw a cob of corn over there and couldn’t wait to gobble it up.

 

He was a bit confused because the directions he received said it was ‘twelve miles how the crow flies.’

 

The road was better than the green bean casserole.

  

Because it wasn’t a chicken.

  

To the turkey, it was better to run the risk of crossing the road than to be sauced like the cranberries.

 

Because there was an all you can eat buffet and he wanted to be stuffed.

 

Some scientists argue that the turkey was standing still and the road moved underneath him.

 

Does it really matter what the turkey’s motives were when we could instead debate what political party it belonged too?

 

Debating the motives of a turkey is nearly as difficult as determining why a road was built in an area previously designated for turkey crossings.

 

The real question should be if there was a car coming.

 

It was trying to get to a turkey trot.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these answer to tonight’s joke. I’d like to thank Deby Frederick’s for the start to tonight’s joke.

 If anyone has another joke they’d like to see my answers too, feel free to post it in the comments and I might use it next week.

Thanks for reading!

Two jokes for August 3rd

It’s Wednesday night again, it’s been another quick week so far, but I managed to come up with too jokes for you, enjoy!

 

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What did the citrus fruit promise when he ran for office?

Lemonade.

  

What does a citrus fruit need when its injured?

Lemon-aid.

 

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I hope you enjoyed the jokes tonight, thanks for reading!

Humor for June 22nd

Sorry for being gone from WordPress with a word for the past week.

 Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few old favorites, all about ice cream, in a manner of speaking. Enjoy!

 

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Why was the ice tray cited for disturbing the peace after it threw a party?

Because of all the ice screams.

 

What happened when the dairy mogul moved his operation to the North Pole and everything froze?

He was arrested for all of the cold blooded ice screams.

 

What did the overworked ice cream maker say when asked about the new flavors that were coming out?

He said (in a cold voice) that they gave him a headache.

 

What happens when frozen cream start serving drinks?

It becomes an ice cream bar. 

 

What website do desserts use to communicate?

Ice cream social media.

 

How do you make an ice cream float? 

Put it on the Queen Mary

 

What does a cat call anchovies in ice cream? 

Purr-fection.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the jokes!

Cheesy humor for May 11th

It’s another Wednesday night again and I’ve managed to come up with a few jokes tonight, I hope you enjoy these cheesy jokes tonight!

 

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Why does no one at the dairy ever get lost?

Because they always know the whey.

 

  

What did the witch ask the dairyman?

Which way do I go to find which whey is the witch whey?

 

  

When the cheese maker related his greatest secret to his apprentice, he gave him this riddle:

Mind your whey if you want to find your way, else you might find you’re stuck with the wrong whey.

 

  

The first question any cheese maker apprentice asks when making new cheeses is: which whey is the right whey?

 

When the eccentric winemaker planted slices of cheese in his vineyard, he said he was raisen’ cheese.

 

What kind of movies do dairy workers enjoy the most?

Cheesy ones.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

 If you’re interested in similar jokes, don’t forget about my cheesy jokes from last year, though it seems to be having some trouble with the formatting: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/03/05/jokes-for-march-4th/

 

Thanks for reading!

Humor for April 27th

Believe it or not, it’s Wednesday night again, which means it’s time for some humor!

 I have a few jokes, puns and general bits of humor for you tonight, I hope you enjoy!

 

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Why did the flower grower take up shipbuilding in April?

Because he needed a few Mayflowers.

 

 

What did the inspector say when the box of eggs was pushed off a table?

That they were knocked off.

 

 

When a ghost starts to drink, you might say that the spirit was in good spirits.

  

 

The soufflé chef couldn’t make the baseball team as manager because he couldn’t get the batter up.

 

 An artist who specialized in carving marble statues was hired to carve a statue out of cheese, he worked diligently on it. His employer checked in to see how the statue was coming, the artist just said “So far so Gouda.”

 

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I hope you enjoyed the humor tonight. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for September 2nd

 It’s Wednesday night again, time for a few jokes! It’s also nearly the end of summer and I have some bad jokes to get rid of. Sorry there aren’t more. I hope you enjoy them!

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What do politicians do when they retire?
They become balloonists.

A super hero and a chef were walking down a deserted road in the countryside. As they passed an abandoned house, they began debating who was the strongest.
 The super hero said he could knock the abandoned house down with one finger.
The chef claimed he didn’t even need to raise a finger to destroy the house. The super hero told the chef to prove it. The chef smiled and waited, confidently.
 Five minutes later the abandoned house was utterly destroyed and the demolition crew was leaving right on schedule.

A priest was walking along a dark road late one night, as he passed by Jose’s Avocado hut, he tripped, landed in a pile of discarded avocados and shouted “Holy Guacamole!”

What happens when summer turns into a crook?
Summer takes a fall.

Why did the candy bar hate the hammer?
Because chocolate chips.

 What happens when frozen cream start serving drinks?
It becomes an ice cream bar. 

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 Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight, next week I’ll try to have better ones.

Jokes for July 8th

Somehow Wednesday night is here again! Tonight I have some interesting jokes for you, with luck you’ll get a few laughs out of them, I know I did as I was coming up with them. Enjoy!

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Jokes

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A priest, a cowboy and pirate were marooned on an island. There was nothing growing on the island except for bananas. After eating their fill, the cowboy and pirate discovered that the bananas were bad and causing hallucinations.
As the priest watched, the pirate tried to wrap a banana peel around his head, meanwhile the cowboy was similarly trying to tie a banana around his next.
 Finally the priest realized that in their hallucinations, the cowboy and pirate believed that the bananas were bandanas.
 “I’m glad I didn’t go ape over those,” the priest said aloud, adding “if I had, I’d be bananas by now!”

When the investigator found a clue, he quickly declared it to be something fishy, though he could never explain what a red herring was doing in a tuna cannery. 

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Hows 

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How do you make a banana leave you alone?

 Show it the ice cream and chocolate sauce, that’s sure to make any banana split.

How do you tell an omelette from a pancake while juggling the two?

 I’m not sure, but if you get it wrong you’ll have egg on your face.

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Whats 

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What kind of bed do berries like best?

Straw.

What did the criminal turned baseball player say after he bought a house?

“I’ll never steal home again!”

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One last joke for tonight
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Why did bartender hire a bird to seat customers?
Because the bird was a stool pigeon.

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That’s all the jokes for tonight, I hope you enjoyed them!

 Feel free to leave your comments below. Thanks for reading!