Thursday night jokes

These jokes should have been for yesterday, but this week is going fast and I forgot.

 

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How do you scare a ghost?

Tell it the choices in the election.

 
 

What do you get if you cross a politician with a vampire… oops, sorry those are the same thing.

 

What happened when the politician hired a spirit as its campaign manager?

The politician had a ghost of a chance at winning.

 

What did everyone ask after two witches ran against each other for office?

Which witch won?

 

Why did the monsters all refuse to celebrate Halloween this year?

They were too scared of the political campaigns.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Thanks for reading!

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2016 Halloween theme game updates

This post has been a long time coming, mostly because game developers have been slow to get their Halloween themes out. Now that the are out, I’ve taken the time to play these games and see what, if anything, is new this year.

 

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Hayday:

 
One of my favorite games, they also have a very nice Halloween theme, with spooky music, ghosts in the fishing area, lot of fun decorations and the promise of a special event with a special Halloween prize.

 If you’ve been putting off getting into Hayday, or if you’ve played it and have taken a break from it, this is a great time to start playing again.

 

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Temple Run 2:

 
Another of my favorite games, this year they have added a Halloween update that changes everything.

 All the characters have had a Halloween upgrade that has turned them into monsters! Plus there is a special character for Halloween, the wolfman!

 The map has changed as well, now there are moving ghosts, tombstones and lots of other Halloween themed additions to the map, one warning however, it can be distracting at first.

 TempleRun has also recently added a globe event with prizes,  this month they are Halloween themed prizes.

 

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Jetpack Joyride:

 

Yes, even Jetpack Joyride got into the Halloween spirit this year, with a Halloween themed background, flying jacks-o-lanterns special prizes and two interesting things after a quick revive: a new costume and a ride on a bone dragon.

The special prizes are only during the event, so there are only about 11 days left, give or take a few hours.

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 These are the games I think are worth playing just because of the Halloween update,  I tried a few others and they weren’t good enough to merit mentioning.

 I hope you give these games a try and enjoy the Halloween season.

Thanks for reading!

A joke for Wednesday, October 19th

Two quick jokes for tonight:

 

 After a heated debate, two candidates entered a bar and ordered a drink, the bartender shook his head, saying “We don’t serve clowns or bloodsuckers here, and you two both qualify as each.”

 

 A politician had had a long day of drumming up votes, on his way back to his hotel, he decided to cut through a graveyard to save some time. As he was walking past a grave, a ghost appeared. The ghost took one look at who was walking past before running away screaming in fear.

 

Thanks for reading!

Famous quotes as seen by a vampire, a werewolf and a witch 

I have the wonderful opportunity to present to you, my loyal readers, the thoughts of a vampire, a werewolf and a witch on famous quotes.

This opportunity is only available at this time of year, as all kinds of monsters are available for interviews… The only scary beings  available the rest of the year are lawyers and politicians.

I hope you enjoy this post!

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Fair is foul, and foul is fair.   – Macbeth 

Vampire: Where are the Cubs?

Werewolf : I don’t much care for baseball.

Witch: I thought the World Series was supposed to be over by now.

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I am in blood
Stepp’d in so far, that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o’er. – Macbeth

Vampire: I love blood, tis like wine  for me!

Werewolf: I much prefer dry ground, no wading for me.

Witch: Ah, that would be Shakespeare, my favorite of his in fact.

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Curse ruthless time! Curse our mortality. How cruelly short is the allotted span for all we must cram into it! – Winston Churchill

Vampire: That is one curse I don’t have, perhaps the only one…

Werewolf: I’m willing to cram a lot into life, but no silver!

Witch: I’ve got a cure for that, let’s see, where is my eye of newt?

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Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. -Theodore Roosevelt

Vampire: What if I’m a bat?

Werewolf: Sound advice, unless the moon is full.

Witch:  If I do, I won’t be able to fly, what use is my broom then?

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Speak softly and carry a big stick: you’ll go far. – Theodore Roosevelt

Vampire: good advice, at least for a baseball player.

Werewolf: (No retort given.)

Witch: does my broom count?

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‘Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world. ~William Shakespeare

Vampire: Sounds like home.

Werewolf: I think I woke up there this morning.

Witch:  it’s also time for my favorite cooking show: From grave to table.

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 I had hoped to have time to get more retorts from the vampire, werewolf and witch, but they had some haunting a to get to.

 I hope you enjoyed this post, hopefully I’ll be able to bring you more retorts to quotes soon.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for October 28th: Halloween edition 

It’s Wednesday night again, but it’s also almost Halloween! Tonight I have a bunch of monster jokes for you, featuring witches, vampires and more! Some are old favorites, but most of them are brand new! Plus two without monsters in them that I couldn’t resist. I hope you enjoy them!  
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Ghosts

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A ghost went to a therapist to find out why he wasn’t scary. He preformed all of his tricks, rattling chains, howling, turning invisible and anything else he could think of.
When he had done everything twice, he turned to the therapist and ask if she was scared.
“I’m afraid not,” the therapist replied.

A spy arranged to meet another spy in the haunted graveyard at midnight. He waited until nearly dawn before leaving. When he reported to his superiors, he said “the spy didn’t show, something spooked him.”

Why did the ghost join the CIA?
Because he was a spook at heart.

When the ghost saw the werewolf fighting the vampire in the graveyard, he said it was a haunting site.

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Vampires 

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Why did the vampire’s construction company get a bad reputation?
They were fly by nights.

When the vampire closed his costume store for lunch, he put a sign in the door that read: Out for a bite. 

Why did the vampire get into the used book business?
He wanted to do something he could really sink his teeth into. 

Why did the vampire refuse to play poker?
He didn’t like the stakes.

Why do vampires never bet onhorse races?
They don’t like stakes.
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Non monsters 

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Why did the dairyman scare his cows?
Because he needed the milk curdled.

Why to dairymen like blood drenched mystery novels?
They like everything curdled.

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More monstrous funnies

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Do werewolves enjoy gardening?
No, gardening is a wolfs bane.

When a religious personage presided over an annual contest to see who could throw a gourd the furthest, the pumpkin was canonized.

Who do monsters turn to for directions?
Witches, they always know which way to go.

When the mad scientist invented a way to turn people transparent, he thought he would be famous, however it turned out he was a fraud, everyone saw right through him.

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That’s all the jokes for tonight, I hope you enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed coming up with them.

  Thanks for reading! A  

Last week of October: trick or treat?

It’s the last week of October and the weather is still relatively nice, save for those parts of the world being impacted by hurricanes. But yet we find ourselves asking, is this a trick or a treat?

 Perhaps because Halloween is nearly here we decide to look past the nice weather and figure out reasons to claim that the weather is actually bad, or perhaps it’s because as humans, we can’t be satisfied with anything.

 Or perhaps it’s the fault of politicians, just blame it on a politician you dislike. Anything can be blamed on politicians, that’s why I had a glaring error in my post last night, or at least that’s what I’m claiming, not that any politician has ever seen or heard of my blog.

 On to other subjects, with Halloween drawing near, we have two main things to talk about tonight: Candy and Comic books.

 This is likely the only week of the year I do not suggest that you devour chocolate chip cookies. Instead I suggest that you eat your fill of candy corn and melocreme pumpkins, the season for these two candies is a short on and you’ll have to wait nearly a fully year before they appear again.

 Don’t forget, as these candies are called corn and pumpkins, half of the politicians in the world will agree that they are fruits and vegetables, so eat up!

 A note of seriousness for a moment: with Halloween comes trick or treaters, which means shouting and doorbell ringing, make sure your cats are safe during all this, there is no point risking a tragedy.

 Now on to comic books!

 This  is a great time of year for comic books, I sometimes wonder if comic books weren’t invented just for Halloween. Spooky things have always been in comic books: there have been numerous ghost centric titlesover the years. There have been adaptations of Frankenstein as well. Ghost stories, mysterious happenings, demons and witches have all had series devoted to them over the years.

However Vampires could be the most popular creature ever written about in comic books, from many incarnations of Dracula, to Morbius; the living vampire, plus many, many more vampires that have there own title or feature prominently in one series or another.

 Yes, this is likely one of the best weeks in the year for comic book reading and candy eating, so get out there and proudly show the world that you enjoy candy and comic books!

 Thanks for reading and have a great week!

Spooky October thoughts

As Halloween is drawn jog near, I thought I’d share a few spooky thoughts with you instead of normal random thoughts and maybe a joke or two.

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 Halloween is a time for candy, taking advantage of this are candy companies who release ‘fun size’ candy bars.

 Once and for all, there is nothing fun about these tiny candy bars. These candy bars are nothing but a waste of time, you need at least two of them to enjoy ‘fun size’ candy bars.

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 The origins of Halloween are not what we celebrate today, it now is nothing more than a day for candy to be given away.

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What do you call an army of ghosts?

A host of ghosts.

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 Vampires are popular mostly because of our odd fascination with blood. Our obsession with blood is second only to our fascination with violence in general.

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 It’s amazing to realize that there have been special Halloween  radio and tv shows for decades, it’s just as amazing that so many have survived the test of time. While I’m not sure, I expect to see the classic tv channels having a whole day or afternoon devoted to these special episodes.

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How did the vampire movie star become a star baseball player?

Because he was a big hit.

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 I hope you’ve enjoyed these thoughts, they might not have been too spooky, but I did my best.

Thanks for reading.

Jokes for October 21st

Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few jokes from last year. I always like to look back at my old jokes, sometimes I get ideas for new ones, other times I just get a laugh and decide to share them again.

 I have something new for you at the bottom of this post, take a look and let me know what you think.

 While these jokes might not make everyone laugh, I hope you’ll get a chuckle out of them at least, enjoy!

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Oldies

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A witch happened upon a vampire and a werewolf who were having a heated debate. When she asked what they were arguing about, the vampire and werewolf replied “Pumpkin guts!”

Once there was a young jack o lantern who was unable to compete at sports, after weeks of careful consideration his doctor reach a conclusion, he had no pumpkin guts.

The werewolf family always made sure to invite a witch along when they took a long trip, whenever they got lost they could just ask “Witch way?”

Did you hear that Dracula hired a werewolf to run a steamroller over his patch of turnips?
He had to, he couldn’t squeeze blood from a turnip himself.

Shortly before dawn one day, a vampire was hurriedly flying back to his coffin in bat form when he ran into a witch, literally. The witch lost her broom in the crash, the vampire was disorientated. The vampire, in desperation, grabbed the witch and asked “Witch, which way’s up?

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New jokes

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Why do vampires never bet on horse races?
They don’t like stakes.

Do werewolves enjoy gardening?
No, gardening is a wolfs bane.

When a religious personage presided over an annual contest to see who could throw a gourd the furthest, the pumpkin was canonized.

Who do monsters turn to for directions?
Witches, they always know which way to go.

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Halloween tounge twister!

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The monster mobsters marched on Mars in March.

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That’s it for tonight, I hope you enjoyed these jokes and my new tounge twister feature. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

Halloween games for 2015

I’ve been waiting to write this post about games to play to get into the Halloween spirit until more games released updates.

 I hope this post gives you a few ideas for relaxation over the next two weeks:
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Hayday 

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 Hayday, the farming game, released the Halloween update a few days ago.

 The costumes on the Chickens, Cows, Goats, Pigs and Sheep are great once again.

 The ghost in the fishing area gives you gifts if you tap it, the worst thing is it can be hard to spot.

 Growing jack-o-lanterns instead of pumpkins is a great idea, it is also fun to watch them be harvested and flipping over.

There are a number of other fun things to spot in the game, I heartily recommend playing it.
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Angry Gran Run

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Angry Gran Run has a Halloween theme again, there is still about a week to play and find enough skulls to unlock the skeleton costume.

 The street background is great once again, there are many different Halloween props here and there.  From pumpkins to ghosts, it’s well worth playing and playing often to catch all of the things. I’m not positive, but I think there is even a jack-o-lantern from a turnip in there.
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Rail Rush

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 While not a special update, this game also has a special world for Halloween. Called horror land, you get to ride your ore cart around ghosts, over evil looking roots and many more spooky obstacles. It’s well worth playing at least once.

 While I don’t play this game everyday, I am trying to play it more often. One thing I found is that it is easier to play on a phone than on a tablet, however that is just personal preference.

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Unfortunately those are the only three games that really put out a Halloween theme. I had hoped that Temple Run would do something, however it seems like Halloween isn’t a popular holiday to release a special theme for.

Thanks for reading!