Jokes for May 4th

Tonight I’m going to try something new, knock knock jokes! Yes, thanks to the cooperation of Wild Buffalo Betty, I can offer up some of the best knock knock jokes ever written! Enjoy!  

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Doctor 

Doc Holiday! I thought you were in tombstone!

 

 Betty, that’s not how these jokes work, remember I explained you part?

Whoops, sorry, I just got excited, it won’t happen again, promise.

 Okay, Wild Buffalo Betty, let’s try it again!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Doctor

Doc! You sent me back! Back from…

 

That’s not even a western!

Part three is, Colin.

You’ve got me there, Betty, let’s move on.

Ready! I’ll get it right this time!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Arrr!

Yikes! A pirate! Where’s my Winchester?

  

Betty!

Sorry… I goof up again, but I don’t like pirates…

It’s okay, Betty, I’ll try one that’s not so scary for you.

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Police

Police? I ain’t an outlaw! I wear a white hat! I like John Wayne! I don’t rustle cattle!

 

Relax, Wild Buffalo Betty, it’s just a joke.

Oh… right… I goofed again, didn’t I?

Let’s try another one, okay?

Ready, Colin, I’ll do my best!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Orange

Orange? I hate oranges! Can’t you find me some catnip instead?

 

Sigh…

 

Knock knock 

Who’s thar?

Catnip

Catnip who?

How do I know? You wanted catnip!

 

I don’t think these jokes are very funny, Colin, do you humans really enjoy them?

When the joke goes right, they can be funny.

If you say so… I think I’ll just keep answering questions if you don’t mind…

That might be for the best, Betty, maybe we can try these jokes some other time. Do you want to say anything to our readers?

 Sure! It’s May 4th, I think, so may Tom Baker be with you!

 

Thanks for reading, Wild Buffalo Betty and I will be back tomorrow with questions and answers.

Jokes for March 30th

It’s been a quick week, but I managed to coke up with three jokes for you tonight, enjoy!

 

What did the farmer say when he forgot to sell his banana crop?

He said he slipped up.

 

What did the farmer say about the outlook for his orchard?

Everything was peachy.

 

Why did the avocado farmer want to build a house from avocado seeds?

He wanted to say he lived in the pits.

 

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 16th

It’s time for jokes and it’s almost St. Patrick’s day, enjoy these jokes!

 

 

What did the taxi driver do when a passenger told him his taxi was old.

He shrugged and said “Cabbage.”

 

What game does St. Patrick refuse to play?

Snake.

 

Why did the farmer feed his cows nothing but maize?

He wanted some corned beef.

 

 I hope you enjoyed thiese jokes! Thanks for reading!

Jokes for December 16th

It’s Wednesday night, time for a few jokes! I thought tonight would be a good night to remember a few old jokes from last year, enjoy!
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Long ago, a family named Hall went west to seek their fortune gold mining.

Everything went smoothly for them until December when they got into a gun fight with some claim jumpers. The claim jumpers were horrible shots and didn’t manage to hit any of the Halls before they ran out of ammo. The Halls weren’t any better shots, soon they were forced to duke it out. The claim jumpers won as they Decked the Halls.

How do you get a reindeer to fly?
You put him on a cargo plane.

What gift should you never give to a Vampire?
A steak dinner.

What happens to deer in the rain?
They become riendeer.

What did the crime boss tell his gang when the police were about to round them up on Christmas Eve?
Dash away, dash away, now dash away all!

What two elves always have their Christmas decorations stolen?
Holly and Jolly.

What carol do reindeer sing?
Let it rain.

Why do boxers love christmas?
They love decking.

Why do carpenters always have the best decorated houses?
They are pros when it comes to decking.

Why should you never ask an actor to decorate your house?
They always take all the boughs.

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 I hope you enjoyed these old jokes, I know I enjoyed them again!

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for October 21st

Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few jokes from last year. I always like to look back at my old jokes, sometimes I get ideas for new ones, other times I just get a laugh and decide to share them again.

 I have something new for you at the bottom of this post, take a look and let me know what you think.

 While these jokes might not make everyone laugh, I hope you’ll get a chuckle out of them at least, enjoy!

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Oldies

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A witch happened upon a vampire and a werewolf who were having a heated debate. When she asked what they were arguing about, the vampire and werewolf replied “Pumpkin guts!”

Once there was a young jack o lantern who was unable to compete at sports, after weeks of careful consideration his doctor reach a conclusion, he had no pumpkin guts.

The werewolf family always made sure to invite a witch along when they took a long trip, whenever they got lost they could just ask “Witch way?”

Did you hear that Dracula hired a werewolf to run a steamroller over his patch of turnips?
He had to, he couldn’t squeeze blood from a turnip himself.

Shortly before dawn one day, a vampire was hurriedly flying back to his coffin in bat form when he ran into a witch, literally. The witch lost her broom in the crash, the vampire was disorientated. The vampire, in desperation, grabbed the witch and asked “Witch, which way’s up?

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New jokes

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Why do vampires never bet on horse races?
They don’t like stakes.

Do werewolves enjoy gardening?
No, gardening is a wolfs bane.

When a religious personage presided over an annual contest to see who could throw a gourd the furthest, the pumpkin was canonized.

Who do monsters turn to for directions?
Witches, they always know which way to go.

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Halloween tounge twister!

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The monster mobsters marched on Mars in March.

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That’s it for tonight, I hope you enjoyed these jokes and my new tounge twister feature. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

Jokes for May 27th

I haven’t felt very funny this past week, but I’ve managed to come up with a few jokes for you, they might not be the best, but if nothing else you should be able to laugh at how bad they are! I hope you enjoy!

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Which is better?

—————————–

(The following jokes are all basically the same, which one do you prefer?)

What happened when the automaton purchased a canoe?

It became a row-bot.
When the android was put to work on the long boat, he became a row-bot.
What did the inventor call his self propelled drone that was build into a yacht?

The row-bot.

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Jokes:

——————-

An elephant, a walrus and a priest walked into a bar at dawn, the bartender glanced around, sighed and said, ‘looks like it’s going to be a funny day.’

While traveling through space, a fearless astronaut named Alexander discovered a mysterious asteroid that seemed to be hollow. Further investigation showed him that it wasn’t an asteroid after all, but a bell made out of gram crackers. When the astronaut reported his findings to Earth, he became famous. Everyone was talking about Alexander’s gram bell.

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Failed joke.

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(This joke didn’t work out right, any suggestions on how to fix it?)
A werewolf was looking forward to attending a baseball game, he had won a ticket that included a chance to get a picture taken with the stars of the team, unfortunately for the werewolf he tripped and fell against the mascot, which was an old star with a bat, just as the moon rose. The headline said it all ‘Silver slugger knocks out wolf.’

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 I hope you enjoyed these jokes and puns. Next week I’m hoping to have better jokes.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 25th

Tonight I’m doing something new, I have the following six jokes, but are they really six jokes, or just one joke told six ways? Does it even matter?

I hope you enjoy these.

When the police couldn’t t make the food thief talk, the chief knew who to turn to, he called in a short order chef who knew a few things about grilling.
Who is the best person to make a food thief confess?
A chef who knows about grilling.
After the broccoli was caught stealing dough, it was grilled by the chef.
One day a loaf of bread discovered that some of its dough had been stolen, it decided to set a trap for the culprit, it turned out to be a gang of broccoli, they were all rounded up, but no one would say who the ringleader was… Until the chef grilled each one.
How can you get the truth out of vegetables?
By grilling them.
When the bakery was robbed, the investigating detective was able to narrow the suspects down to two, a shish kebab and a steak. Unable to determine which one stole the dough, the detective consulted with his boss, who happened to be a vampire. The vampire police chief listened to the facts, he blanched when he heard there was a steak involved, at length he said “Grill them.”

There they are, now it’s up to you to determine if they are just one joke or six jokes, I’m looking forward to hearing your opinions.

Thanks for reading.

Jokes for February 4th

It’s Wednesday night again and I’ve got a few interesting jokes for you tonight. These jokes might take a little thought, but I think they are worth it. I hope you enjoy the puns too!

What, Why and When

What did the powdered drink company’s CEO say to his employees as he retired.
Tangs for the memories.

Why did the chocolate maker build a mint?
He wanted to make chocolate mints.

When the candy factory burned, what did the firemen say?
Hot chocolate!

Jokes

A scientist working for the Coconut orange coffee organization of America devised a teleport device for moving large amounts of food stuffs to a central warehouse, he called it Instant COCOA.

During the 1940s, many movie studios began putting out super hero serials. Not wanting to be left out, one studio decided to create a super hero who was a corn farmer when he wasn’t fighting crime. It went on to become the longest running cereal of all time.

A music instrument maker was accused of copying a rivals patented design. After months of arguing, the case went to court. The accused declared that he could prove that he had the right to use the design. The judge asked to see the proof, the accused pulled out a letter and began “Accordion to this letter…”

A farmer sent his daughter Victoria to feed the hens. As she was feeding them they formed a circle around her. The farmers young son saw what happened and ran to the barn were the farmer was working, shouting “Pa! The chicken cacciatore!”

I hope you enjoyed these jokes and puns tonight.
Thanks for reading.

Jokes for January 27th

Can you believe it? It’s Wednesday night again, time for some more jokes!
Some of these jokes are a bit diferant, but I think that they are god for a chucke.
I hope you enjoy these!

Jokes

An astronomer walked home after shopping for groceries, he never noticed that one of the bags was ripping until he heard a bottle smash onto the street behind him. The astronomer turned and laughed, to a passerby he said “There’s the Milky Way!”

A prominent psychologist decided to move his practice to the country, so he bought an old farm. On the farm was an old smokehouse, he turned the smokehouse into his office.
An actor who was having problems went to the psychologist one day for help, he couldn’t resist asking hm why he had moved his practice to the country, the psycoogist waved off the question as he was eager to get down to business, instead he promised “When we get done here, you’ll be a cured ham!”

Hows

How did the comedian learn his trade?
By the comic book.

How did the weather forecaster know if it was going to snow?
He didn’t.

Whys

Why did the farmer become an astronomer?
Because he found the milking way.

Why did the chicken fear the comedian?
He butchered his jokes.

What

What did the super villain say after he opened a package he stole from a department store and saw what was inside?
“It’s curtains for me!”

I hope you enjoyed these jokes, thanks for reading!