Jokes for April 27th

I’ve got a few jokes for you tonight, including an old favorite of mine, I hope you enjoy them, I doubt you could find any other jokes that beet them!

 

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Why did the farmer plant root crops instead of wheat?

He wanted to say he beet this neighbor farm with his crop.

 

Why did the farmer turned boxer insist on only using a certain root crop to dye his gloves?

Because it was one way he could beet his opponent.

  

What did the farmer tell the getaway driver after he had robbed a bank?

Let’s beet it!

  

What did the farmer yell at the trespasser?

Beet it!

  

A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing,the farmer said everything was. Coming up roses. The city slicker congratulation end the farm, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

 

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Thanks for reading!

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Humor for Thursday, January 26th

I only have a few jokes for you tonight, I think they are funny, but, of course, personal opinion may vary.

 I hope you enjoy!

 

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How did the carpenter keep his fasteners sharp?

He used a nail file.

 

How did the manicurist keep track of her clients?

She used a nail file. 

 

Why did the farmer build a house in the middle of his dwarf grain field?

Because he enjoyed a short kamut 

 

What kind of tablet do sailors prefer?

An aye-pad

 

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 I hope you enjoyed these jokes, I’ll have more next week.

Thanks for reading!

Thursday night humor for January 12th

Another week, another joke.

 Before the humor, I have a quick question for you: which title do you prefer for this weekly post ‘Humor for date’ or ‘Jokes for date’? Let me know in the comments.

 

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Why did the snowman hate the cold snap?

His New Years resolution was to lose weight.

 

How does a cat spend a cloudy day?

He sleeps any way he wants.

 

What did the cat think when the mouse got the milk product in the cartoon?

She declared that it was a cheesy scene.

 

When a mouse stole the spotlight at an awards ceremony, the cat said that the mouse was acting cheesy.

 

If a snowman snubs a celebrity, I guess you could say he gave the star a cold shoulder.

 

What do you call an athlete who pawns pass cards?

A hock-key player

  

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I hope you enjoyed the humor for tonight. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for December 22nd

I’m late with my jokes again this week, sorry. I hope you enjoy these classic jokes:

 

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What happened when the gift was stolen by a cat?

It was catnapped.

 

Why wasn’t the snowman worried about the snow shovel?

He had ice in his veins.

 

Was the snowman afraid of the snow shovel?

He was frozen stiff.

 

Why is a melting snowball like a spy?

They both came in from the cold.

 

Why did the snowball become a rouge spy?

Because is was out in the cold.

 

A priest, a snowman and a farmer walk into a police station in Hawaii to report a crime. The farmer and priest enjoy the warmth, while the snowman says “I feel like I’m being grilled.”

 

What was the complaint of the puma on a beach?

Sandy claws.

 

What did people call the murderer snowman?

A cold blooded killer.

 

Why are political parties like snowstorms?

Because they are both filled with flakes.

  

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I hope you have buoyed these jokes, I hope to have more for you soon

Thanks for r acing!

A quick week 

It’s been a quick week, too quick in fact. I haven’t been able to get the special posts I was planning on finished yet, however I’ll have them ready next week.

 

I’ve been thinking about having a few posts regarding steampunk, I’m curious if anyone is interested in steampunk and other related things or not, let me know in the comments.

 

I missed my humor/joke post this week and apologize for the lack of humor this week, rest assured that I’ll have jokes next week.

 

 I’ll leave you with a two classic jokes, I hope you enjoy:

 

After a bloody battle, Blackbeard had lost most of his crew. He began setting pots of dirt all over his ship, much to the dismay of his crew, when he began putting maize seeds in them, the crew demanded an explanation. He replied “We need more pirates, These plants are a good source of buccaneers!”

 

Why did the mad scientist create a machine that could only cause rain inside buildings on farms?
He wanted to go barnstorming!

Baseball jokes for April 6th

Baseball season started this week, so I thought I’d present you with a few baseball jokes tonight. I hope you enjoy them!

 

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How did the rookie become the fans favorite player on the team?

He was a hit.

 

Did the baseball player enjoy his career?

He had a ball.

 

How important was the home opener?

It was key.

  

Why do baseball pitchers make excellent bowlers?

Because they know how to throw strikes.

 

Why was the baseball team of vampires the best in the league? 

Because they suck the life out of other team!

 

Why was a strangler the best player playing against vampires? 

Because he choked up on the bats!

 

Why was a zombie baseball team always the worst of league? 

Because they’re always looking for new brains.

 

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 I hope these jokes gave you a chuckle.

Thanks for reading, now play ball!

Humor for February 10th

It’s nearly halfway through February, there’s a certain something in the air and everyone is getting excited. That’s right, baseball’s Spring Training is almost upon us!

 Here are a few jokes, two new ones and a few favorite old ones, I hope you enjoy!
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Old favorites 

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A super hero and a chef were walking down a deserted road in the countryside. As they passed an abandoned house, they began debating who was the strongest.

 The super hero said he could knock the abandoned house down with one finger.

The chef claimed he didn’t even need to raise a finger to destroy the house. The super hero told the chef to prove it. The chef smiled and waited, confidently.

 Five minutes later the abandoned house was utterly destroyed and the demolition crew was leaving right on schedule.
A priest was walking along a dark road late one night, as he passed by Jose’s Avocado hut, he tripped, landed in a pile of discarded avocados and shouted “Holy Guacamole!”
Why did the cake batter hate telling jokes to chefs?

They always panned. 
Why did the chef enjoy telling jokes as he poured out the cake batter?

Because his jokes always panned out. 
Why did the prospector start a restaurant?

Because he was an expert with pans. 
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New jokes

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How did the fisherman draw large crowds when he told stories?

He reeled them in.
What did the cat steal?

Forty winks.

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 I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for August 5th

its Wednesday night again, how did that happen?

 I’ve got a few jokes for you tonight, they are a bit silly, I hope you enjoy them!

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Whats 

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What do you get if you cross late night tv infomercial salesman, a pirate, a squid and a ninja?
An arrr that can slice and dice eight things at once.

What sells like hot cakes in restaurants at the North Pole?
Pancakes.

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Hows 

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How many tomatoes fit in a jar full of pickles?
None, there are too many pickles.

How did the pirate find Alaska?
He didn’t, but Yukon.

How did the astronaut build a skyscraper?
He claimed that he did naut.

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Whens 

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When did the cuckoos birds get into boxing?
When they had their clocks cleaned.

When the acrobat tried to moonlight as a juggler, the circus manager told him to quit clowning around.

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Finish these jokes!

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Remember when I used to give you the first half of a joke and let you come up with the punchline? It’s back!

Only this time I have a new section! I’ll give you the punchline and you can come up with the first part of the joke.

 Here’s the start of a joke:

    What do you call a pirate who only steals melted sand?

Here’s a punchline:

       No one knows, there still are too many variables.

Now get busy and leave your completed jokes in the comments, the best ones will be showcased in next weeks joke post. Feel free to make minor changes to the wording here.

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 I hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes tonight. Thanks for reading!

.Jokes for May 15th

I’ve got some jokes for you tonight, a pun or two, a few riddles and a few of the same from nearly a year ago, I hope you enjoy!

Joke:

When a mythical land accessible only via hot air balloon or tornado had a survey of dogs, they found Chihuahuas to be at the bottom of the toto pole

Whys
Why did the astronaut take off right as the rain storm was ending?
He wanted to go somewhere over the rainbow.
Why did the bank robber take up fishing?
He found a pond full of fins.
Whats
What did one fish say to the other when the a box of cash fell into the river?
Those are odd looking fins.
What happens when you cross a fish with a boxer?
You either get a fishy dog or a fighter with a fin.

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Oldies but still as funny (or not):


The bank robbers planned everything out in advance, unfortunately the one in charge of the getaway took the idea of being on the lam too seriously and brought lambs with saddles to the hold up.


How are fish men like vampires?

They both always are looking for bites.


Did you hear about the crazy inventor who built an airplane shaped like a chronometer? He became a time traveler.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes tonight.

Thanks for reading!