Funny or odd? (May 25th)

Are these funny or just odd? It’s a holiday weekend, so you get two to ponder. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.


Rumor has it that a famous chef is trying to start a new restaurant chain that will only sell food that Egyptian Pharos would have eaten, further rumors say that the chef is seeking to build specially designed buildings to house the restaurants, some say that the whole thing is nothing but a pyramid scheme.


If a small asteroid were to hit a cattle ranch, could you say that the meteor got meatier?


Now it’s your turn, were these funny or just odd? Thanks for reading and commenting.

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Jokes for March 9th

It’s Thursday night again, that means it’s time for some jokes! I hope you enjoy, I tried to find something that would appeal to everyone.

 

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Why did the bell offer to make a fruit salad?

Because it was good at peeling.

 

Why did the chef complain that he felt like a bell?

Because he had been peeling all day.

 

What did people say about the desert the chef made in the shape of a bell?

It was a-pealing.

 

What happened when the banana ran into the bell?

It peeled.

 

When the clockmaker ran out of chimes, he put an orange in his new clock, he hoped that it would let out a peel when struck.

 

Why did the bell like apples instead of strawberries?

They had a good peel.

 

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I hope these jokes made you laugh. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 3rd

It’s Friday night, time for Thursday night jokes, sorry for the delay.

 

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Why did the chef win an Oscar?

It was for something he whipped up.

 

Why did the chef become an inventor?

He enjoyed whipping up new things.

 

How did the chef get enough money to build a new restaurant?

He buttered up an investor during a toast.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope to be back on schedule next week.

Jokes for February 23rd

It’s Thursday night, which means that tomorrow is Friday. Who is ready for the weekend?

 Anyway, I hope you enjoy these jokes tonight.

 

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What day of the week is a chef’s favorite day?

Fry-day

 

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?

Friday

 

Why does ice cream enjoy Fridays?

Because it’s not a sundae.

 

Was the egg roll happy it was Monday?

Yes, it was over the moon happy that it wasn’t Friday.

 

Which day of the week is the best day to make fritters?

Friday.

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I hope these jokes made you out chuckle, or at least made you want some French fries.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for February 2nd: a few classics

It seems like it’s been a quick past two weeks, unfortunately I haven’t come up with any new jokes, so instead I thought I’d share a few old jokes that you might not remember, enjoy!

 

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A man walked into a truck stop and ordered a hamburger, and as an after thought he added “Hold the pickle.”

 A few moments later, Harry, the truck stop’s harried short order chef whose was very hairy, came marching out on the kitchen and thrust a dripping cucumber into the man’s hand, saying “Hold your own pickle!”

 

Jack went to a taco joint south of the border for Lunch, after he had eaten he noticed a rabbi, a cardinal and a cleric making something together behind the counter, curious he asked the proprietor, Jose.

 Jose opened his mouth to reply, but a ninja fell from the ceiling, pressed a dirk to Jose’s throat and asked what he wanted on his tombstone.

 Being a person who always answered any questions asked him, and knowing that he had only one more chance to speak before he died, answered both questions at one by saying “Holy guacamole!”

 Jose was astounded when the ninja laughed, handed him an avocado pizza and left peacefully.

 

A woman was arrested after buying a jar of sodium and a portable power pack, she was charged with a salt and battery.

 

A famous sport star past his prime recently put his house up for sale, when the real estate agent asked why, he pointed to the ceiling and said “My fans don’t like me anymore.”

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this classic jokes.

Two jokes for August 3rd

It’s Wednesday night again, it’s been another quick week so far, but I managed to come up with too jokes for you, enjoy!

 

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What did the citrus fruit promise when he ran for office?

Lemonade.

  

What does a citrus fruit need when its injured?

Lemon-aid.

 

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I hope you enjoyed the jokes tonight, thanks for reading!

Jokes for July 27th

It’s Wednesday night again. These summer days are just flying by, aren’t they? I haven’t been blogging much this month, but I’m going to try to add at least one more post a week.

 I wasn’t able to come up with any jokes I thought were good enough, so here are a few old jokes, I hope you get a chuckle from them.

 

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A priest, a cowboy and pirate were marooned on an island. There was nothing growing on the island except for bananas. After eating their fill, the cowboy and pirate discovered that the bananas were bad and causing hallucinations.

As the priest watched, the pirate tried to wrap a banana peel around his head, meanwhile the cowboy was similarly trying to tie a banana around his next.

 Finally the priest realized that in their hallucinations, the cowboy and pirate believed that the bananas were bandanas.

 “I’m glad I didn’t go ape over those,” the priest said aloud, adding “if I had, I’d be bananas by now!”

 

 

When the investigator found a clue, he quickly declared it to be something fishy, though he could never explain what a red herring was doing in a tuna cannery. 
   

 

How do you make a banana leave you alone?

 Show it the ice cream and chocolate sauce, that’s sure to make any banana split.

 

 

What was the complaint of the puma on a beach?

Sandy claws.

 

 

 

Why did the omelet refuse to pitch at a certain ballpark?

The fans were always egging him on. 

  

  

Why do pack rats make excellent pinch runners?

They are always stealing. 
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 I’ll try to have some new jokes for next week. Thanks for reading.

Humor for June 22nd

Sorry for being gone from WordPress with a word for the past week.

 Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few old favorites, all about ice cream, in a manner of speaking. Enjoy!

 

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Why was the ice tray cited for disturbing the peace after it threw a party?

Because of all the ice screams.

 

What happened when the dairy mogul moved his operation to the North Pole and everything froze?

He was arrested for all of the cold blooded ice screams.

 

What did the overworked ice cream maker say when asked about the new flavors that were coming out?

He said (in a cold voice) that they gave him a headache.

 

What happens when frozen cream start serving drinks?

It becomes an ice cream bar. 

 

What website do desserts use to communicate?

Ice cream social media.

 

How do you make an ice cream float? 

Put it on the Queen Mary

 

What does a cat call anchovies in ice cream? 

Purr-fection.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the jokes!

Cheesy humor for May 11th

It’s another Wednesday night again and I’ve managed to come up with a few jokes tonight, I hope you enjoy these cheesy jokes tonight!

 

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Why does no one at the dairy ever get lost?

Because they always know the whey.

 

  

What did the witch ask the dairyman?

Which way do I go to find which whey is the witch whey?

 

  

When the cheese maker related his greatest secret to his apprentice, he gave him this riddle:

Mind your whey if you want to find your way, else you might find you’re stuck with the wrong whey.

 

  

The first question any cheese maker apprentice asks when making new cheeses is: which whey is the right whey?

 

When the eccentric winemaker planted slices of cheese in his vineyard, he said he was raisen’ cheese.

 

What kind of movies do dairy workers enjoy the most?

Cheesy ones.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

 If you’re interested in similar jokes, don’t forget about my cheesy jokes from last year, though it seems to be having some trouble with the formatting: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/03/05/jokes-for-march-4th/

 

Thanks for reading!