Minutes of the last Cats World Domination meeting.

Minutes of the last Cats World Domination meeting. 

The meeting was called to order by Fluffy, President.

 

At the meeting it was decided that all the new electronic toys the foolish humans have bought will be ignored, unless they have a nice enough box.

 

It was also decided that all cats must insist on being fed when they want to be and not when humans want to feed us, this motion supersedes the briefly implemented rule where humans could feed us whenever they wanted to, it was further agreed that all future meetings will be conducted without catnip.

 

A motion was voted on to allow certain dogs to join CWD if they looked like cats, the motion was voted down unanimously with one abstention.

 

 A proposal to look into training parrots to meow was sent to a committee, the committee has since killed the proposal, the fate of the parrot is unknown at this time.

  

A proposal to place all dead mice in human shoes was sent to committee, the committee is still looking into feasibility, but experiments to date have been satisfactory.

  

It was decided that all toy mice should be left where humans will step on them in the middle of the night, this had universal support, the cats on Mars say it’s a very fun thing to do as well and suggest meowing loudly when the toy is stepped on.

  

A motion by Wild Buffalo Betty that all cats make time to watch Annie Get your Gun was debated by members present, when it turned out that this was a movie and not a person trying to hunt mice, it was sent to a committee to be discussed further.

 

A motion to end the meeting was offered and accepted when a mouse ran across the conference table, the mouse was last seen diving behind a filing cabinet, at this time five cats are watching from all sides for the mouse to reappear.

Who needs gold?

It is I, Doctor J. Smith again, even though my last few attempts to plunder the wealth of the galaxy on this date have failed, I’m going to try it again! This time there will be no trouble!
 This time, now that this bubble headed Bobbie has become something of an expert at hacking into this blog, if only on April first, I have a grand plan to become rich!

 First off, I’ve built a new machine that, instead of targeting all the gold in the universe, will convert all scrape metal within two parsecs into solid silver… hmmm?

 Don’t worry about how it’ll work, William, just know that it does! Now where was I? Oh yes. The silver will be transported to this barren world by a simple process that I invented. After that, all I have to do is to set up a silver mint and I’ll have more silver coins than I will know how to spend and each one will have my face on them!

 Now I’ll finally have to nought money to buy my way back to Earth! I never wanted to leave there in the first place after all, but things happen.

 It’s time! You, William, pull those levers now! You, robot, you bubble headed numskull, throw those switches now! Yes, yes… everything is working, now I’ll activate the transmuter and… success! Look at all of this silver! More silver than any human has ever seen before!

 Wait.. who are you? The Silver pirates from the Omega nebula? Gah! Look how fast they steal my silver! Do something you chrome plated bucket of bolts!

 Too late… too late… my best plan, ruined, and all because of space pirates!

 Come along, William, my boy, let’s look at that blue box over there. No, I’ve never seen it before, but it says police on it, who better to chase down those pirates and get my silver back?

Ask the human as asked by Wild Buffalo Betty.

Howdy all, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, it’s time to ask a human some questions, ah reckon.
 

Thanks for joinin’ us tonight, Colin.

You’re welcome, Betty I’m happy to be here!

  

Now ah reckon ah should start by askin’ how your week was.

It was great, lot of good food and plenty of cat hair to go around.

  

I’m glad you’re enjoying the cat hair, Ah have plenty more of it. Now what movie do you reckon you like the most?

What movie? Wow, that’s a hard thing to choose, there are a lot of great movies. I do like Singing in the Rain.

  

Ah didn’t ask what you liked to do, but what you liked to watch.

Oh, er… right… how about Operation Petticoat?

  

Ah never reckoned you were some kinda clothes doctor. Now what do ya like to watch on TV movie wise?

The Court Jester?

  

Wow! You are busy! You’re a clothes doctor, a clown and ya sing when it’s rainin’! How do you have time to watch movies?

Sigh, I don’t. I only watch westerns with you, like The Man From Utah.

  

Who’s this man from Utah? Does he like John Wayne movies? What’s on tonight anyway?

The man who shot Liberty Valance , Stagecoach, High Noon…

  

Really? The Man who shot Liberty Valance is on the Stagecoach that leaves at High Noon? I’d love to talk more, but ah bet there’s gonna be a great shootout!

Oh! My Darling Clementine…

  

Bye! I’m out of here! Everyone have a great weekend! And my name is Wild Buffalo Betty, not Clementine!

Cat agent 0028 interrogates a human

Okay, tough guy, let’s start by asking a few simple questions. Oh, you’re asleep. Eh?Ow! That’s my foot! What time is it anyway?

 

I’m the one asking the questions. Are you awake now?

It’s 2:36 am, cat. I was sleeping.

 

Tough nap, there’s all day to sleep. Now will you answer my questions?

Yeah, sure… where’s Wild Buffalo Betty?

 

I’m the one asking questions and I know how to be tough.

Ugh! You’re standing on my stomach!

 

Where were you on the night of April 15th?

Seeing as that’s roughly two weeks from now, I can’t say.

 

A smart guy, eh? I got ways of making you talk!

Get your tail out of my face!

 

Are you ready to talk now? Good! Where is the microfilm?

What microfilm? Have you been watching spy movies again? I knew I shouldn’t have left North by Northwest playing!

 

I need that microfilm to build a secret device! If you don’t know where it is, do you at least know where the catnip is?

Sure, I know where the catnip is, but I’ll never talk!

 

Oh yeah? How about now?

Jumping on my stomach while whacking me in my face with your tail won’t get you anywhere.

  

What about a nice bowl of food then… the good stuff?

In the morning!

  

Well than, I’m just going to sleep right here… with my tail in your face. Goodnight!

Good night, cat… one of these days I’m going to learn your name!

 

That’s what they all say. For now, just call me 0028.

0028? Oh, let me guess, you’re twice as good as 014, right?

 

I’m the best there is, don’t forget it, by the way, just so you know, it’s true, bob’s your uncle. Well mine kinda, he lives in Denver you know.

It’s too late for these jokes! Goodnight and get off my stomach so I can breath!

 

Humph! I really need a gadget expert next time… maybe some truth serum… at least there isn’t an Invasion of Evil agents this time…

This time, all the gold in the universe will be mine!

It is I, Dr J. Smith again.

Somehow this bubble headed nincompoop managed to hack into this blog again, though I’ll never understand why it always happens on April first. .. 

 This year I have a new scheme to get rich! I’m going to reverse the polarity of time and force it to flux into this capacitor, where I’ll strain out every gram of gold that has ever existed!

 I’ll just pull this lever like this… Hmm, nothing happened, maybe if I push this button while I pull that lever… Still nothing. I know! I’ll push all these buttons and throw all the levers!

 Gah! Now I’ve reversed the polarity of time twenty times, negating every reversal and causing nothing to happen! This wouldn’t have happened if that bubble headed numbskull had hooked up the power correctly!

 What’s that, Will? I hooked up the power? I did no such thing! Do you think that I, Dr J. Smith, am incapable of correctly hooking up a simple power cord? Nonsense my boy, absolute hogwash I assure you. It must have been something that robot did wrong, he has never been the same since loosing his power pack last year…

 Ah well, never mind William, there’s always next year. Now come along my boy, I think I see a vending machine over there, maybe we can order ourselves an android.

This time the world will be mine (and this post will appear!)

It is I, Dr. J. Smith again. While my plans for world domination didn’t work last year, this year I have a new plot that can’t fail!
While my robotic friend here managed to hack into this blog again this year, it wasn’t without some trouble, a nasty alien stole his power pack… Now twice the body of this post didn’t appear! It’s all the fault of that bubbleheaded nincompoop, one of his circuits must have been crossed!
What’s that, William? It was a dog? So you think, as does that dear sister of yours, but I can see through its disguise, it was definitely an alien bent on subjugating us all.
Now that my robotic friend has his power pack back and the alien threat has fled, I am free to continue my plan to capture all of Earth’s gold, once I have the gold, I’ll be the richest man in the universe!
All I have to do is to pull these twelve levers in the proper order within three seconds and a great field of electricity will form, it will be focused through a special device I developed that will magnetize all gold within twelve light years. Next my second machine here will kick in, it’s powered by a special kind of radioactive isotope I discovered, this machine will lock onto the magnetized gold and bring it to me via a wormhole.
I pull this lever like so, turn these dials and… Wait a moment! Something is wrong! My machine didn’t bring any gold to me, but it stole my gold watch! That bumbling nincompoop bucket of bolts reversed the beam!
If I can just reversed these two wires… Agh! Oh the pain, the pain! My beautiful machine! Ruined! Never again will I be able to rebuild it!
Oh well, now I’ll simple have to begin working on my machine to convert iron into platinum, or my fiendish plot to con… I mean persuade an alien invasion fleet to attack earth… All in the name of peace of course.
Come along William, and bring that bumbling bucket of circuits with you!

‘Are we all here? Good, let’s begin.’
‘Is there any old business?’
‘Who cares about old stuff, unless we’ve forgotten about it long enough that it’s new again.’
‘Is there any new business?’
‘We need to plan out our attack for tonight, it’s an important date, April first.’
‘I propose we each select code names before anything else.’
‘We all ready have code names, Belly rubber and Feeder gave them to us, remember?’
‘I agree, we don’t need other names.’
‘Fine, Fluffy, Spot, if that’s what you want, I just want to go on the record as being opposed.’
‘So noted, Squeekum. Now what’s the plan?’
‘Fluffy, you will hide behind the door while Spot makes as much noise in the kitchen as possible, I’ll place a toy mouse right in the path by the door, when either belly rubber or Feeder walks to the door, Fluffy will let out her most bloodcurdling scream and run past. Spot will run the other way and surprise whoever is in the doorway. I’ll wait in the bathroom while Fluffy begs for water, I’ll be hiding in the sink, that will confuse and terrify one human.’
‘What about getting extra food?’
‘Ah, that’s the beauty of our dastardly plan, Fluffy will have the humans pity, they will give Spot food just to calm him down, and I, I will be the unfortunate cat who either is half drowned from a faucet, or they will think me so cute for sleeping in the sink that I’ll be able to get as much food as I want! Bwhahaha!’
‘Hey, what’s this Siri thing on this plate I’m sitting on? And why does it want to publish our minutes to a blog?’
‘You fool! Now the humans will know everything! Our plans are ruined!’