Happy New Year!

Happy new year!
It’s been quite a year, huh? We’ve had a bit of everything this year, now at long last it’s over and we’re all done with politics!

What’s that? It’s only April first? Never mind…

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Latest news on Russian troop movements

Here is the latest reports on the build up of Russian troops inside the Russian boarder:

At 10:00 this morning, Russian troops began the next phase in their war games, performing complicated maneuvers that varied from point to point.
Near Sochi, an elite group of winter soldiers took to the ice to demonstrate their prowess in ice dancing.
Near the Ukraine boarder, Russian troops began doing the hokey pokey, in other areas along the Russian boarder maneuvers included such daunting stunts as the Charlston, the waltz and other dances.
Russian president Vladimir Putin declared that his army was ready to face off with the worlds best, adding that he was sure that his troops could outperform any they went up against, as long as there wasn’t any Square dancing involved.
Use of square dancing tactics during confrontation between two countries is strictly forbidden under UN law.
Ukrainian troops have been placed on high alert and are beginning to preform their own training exercises, however they are woefully short on Fox Trot experts and are appealing for international aid.
Producers from U.S. based talent shows are all ready on their way to the Ukrainian/Russian boarder as of the time of this news release.
An US official close to the president warns that an all out contest between US and Russian troops could be costly, adding “what we really need now is Fred Astaire.”
We’ll keep you updated as this story evolves.

The world will be mine!

I, Doctor J. Smith, will soon unleash my unstoppable horde of drone misquotes, each drone carries a single dose of Hexodouble 4, the most powerful mind control substance ever created, I should know, I created it with the help of my robotic friend… True, I did have some help from my ever willing assistant William, but not much.
Some of you must be wondering why I ordered that nincompoop robot to hack into this blog so I could reveal my plans for world domination, let me explain:
Every villain tells his story to a captive hero and always slips up and gives away a secret way of being defeated. I hold no such hero captive, besides I’m not evil, all I want is to be rich! Soon I’ll have more money than anyone in the universe, after which I can get to work creating a vending machine that can dispense androids.
The main reason I’m writing this is to see just how many of my future minions are willing to join me without the use of Hexodouble 4, I offer great retirement benefits.
It’s too late to stop me anyway, I’m throwing the lever that activates my two trillion mechanical mosquitoes now!
They live! My master plan is under way! They said I could never do, but I have!
Wait! No! Why is my hoard of two trillion mechanical mosquitoes falling to the floor of my lab? The batteries were bad! Another fine mess you blithering nincompoop got me in to!
Oh! The pain of failure! The agony of it all! The pain!
Come along, William, there’s work to be done for next years plot, I’ll steal all the gold on Earth with my gold transmitter!

Important press release

This just in from Washington, thousands of UFOs have just been sited sighted over Hollywood.
Rumors are running rampant even as Hollywood is rushing to make stock fill for movies that will be made in the next few years.
Recent radio communication with the UFOs have reveled that they are filled with actors and actresses from the past fifty years that stared in nothing but failed movies, they are ordering Hollywood to star them in blockbuster movies.
Sources with ties to Hollywood have reported that old props used in B-Movies during the 1950s have recently been reported missing, including prop saucers from ‘The day the earth Stood Still’, ‘Plan 9 from outer space and other sci fi movies.
So far there has been no word on if the military will attempt to shoot the UFOs down or simply quote Shakespeare to them.

A person with knowledge of the problem added “Only Edward D Wood, jr can save us now!”.