Ask a human #7

Welcome y'all, Ah'm Wild Buffalo Betty and it's time to ask a human a few questions. Now ah don't know about y'all, but ah was havin' a mite o' trouble remembering how many weeks Agent 028 and ah have been doing this, so ah took the liberty o' renaming it to number o' posts.
This week ah have Colin answering these questions.

Thank ya fur joining me, Colin, are you ready to answer a few questions?
Hi Betty! I'm glad to be here! I'm more than ready, I'm eager! How are we doing it this week?

Ah'm glad you asked that, Colin! Ah was going to have ya give me the answers before I asked the questions, but that might be confusing.
So what else is new? This post can be anything! My first answer is twenty seven!

How many mice do you want in your slippers overnight?
Maybe this wasn't a good way to do it after all. A dozen books worth is my second answer.

For mah second question, how many more moths do you want?
Okay… next answer… only what you like.

Oh good! Er… ah mean… what's for dinner tonight?
Hey! That one worked nicely! Next answer… a few hours of reading.

What would you happily give up to pet me?
I have a feeling you're making up these questions after I give you my answer. Shakespeare.

How do you scare away a drunk dragon?
I see what you did there, Wild Buffalo Betty! Nice one.

In two words, tell me what you thought of the last mouse ah caught.
I still think you're cheating, Betty. Only green.

What color should catnip be?
Why does it always come down to catnip for you, Betty?

Yes, please! Right now if you please.
I answered right into that one, didn't I? Okay, Betty. I'll go get the catnip while you finish this post.

Thank ya for joining me tonight, Colin! Make sure the catnip is fresh!
Ah want to thank everyone for reading this tonight. Now don't tell Colin, but Agent 028 and I have something new planned for next week!
Good night, y'all!

Advertisements

Ask a human, week six

Agent 028 here, unfortunately I seem to have been roped into another of these ask a human posts, I don't know how he does it, but Colin keeps convincing to to help him out on his blog… I guess it must be because everyone likes my style. Here's Colin!

Thanks for joining us, Colin.
Thanks for having me, Agent 028, I'm happy to be here!

You're a few minutes late tonight, I guess your arms must be tired!
Wha… oh no… not more of your humor!

Yup, because you flew in tonight!
Oh gee… I've got to run, I'm allergic to jokes tonight.

Then you'd better make like a tree and bark!
I think you mixed up a few jokes there, Agent 028. It's make like a tree and leave.

No! Trees have bark, so you should bark!
Okay… arf arf… satisfied?

Not really, but such is the life of a secret… er… cat. Now I'm not saying the town I used to live in was small, but if you took a step, you'd be in the next county!
Really? So what's your question for me?

Oh, right… questions… how many cans of cat food can a human open in an hour?
I'm not sure, but probably not enough to satisfy you if you don't like what's inside them.

Did you hear what happened when the glue plant had an accident?
No, what happened?

The manager tried to keep everyone's lips shut!
Bah dah bing!

So Colin, do you know where Wild Buffalo Betty is going on her vacation?
I didn't even know she was going on vacation! Where is she going?

Alaska.
Oh don't worry, I'll ask her myself.

Very funny. Did you hear about the trouble with certain types of seafood?
No, what happened?

I'm not quite sure, but I've heard no one is talking about it, they have all clammed up.
Now that's worthy of a groan! I thought I was supposed to get questions to answer?

Shut up, I'm on a roll! Did you hear about the baker who moved next to an old dairy? I know this is going to sound cheesy, but the dairy maid buttered him up!
Uh… Agent 028?

Not now! Can't you hear I'm dong great?
I think this post is long enough, you'll have to come back another time if you want to tell more jokes.

Right! I see by the clock that it's time to end this post, no post will ever drag on too long, not on my watch! Ha! Got in another one!
Seriously folks, thanks for reading, Colin will be back again with new posts in a day or so… good, his back is turned! I'll be back tomorrow with more jokes!

Ask a human, week five

Hi. Y’all, Wild Buffalo Betty here! Ah’m back to ask Colin a few more questions this week, hope y’all enjoy!

 

Hi ya Colin, ready to answer a few questions?

 If I have to… you aren’t going to do this game show style again, are you?

 

Not this week, maybe next week. Instead I’ll just ask you a few random questions, you give me some random answers and we’ll hope that they match up, okay?

 Sounds good, Betty!

 

When did the war of 1812 happen?

 When the first man landed on the moon.

 

How many mice do Ah have in my mouse ranch?

Less than fifteen thousand!

 

How many times do Ah ask for someone to rub my belly in one afternoon?

4,025 canidates  and 2,335 confirmed I believe.

 

How soon until Ah get catnip?

 365 days! And a half!

 

That’s too long! Try again!

Sixty seconds?

 

Sounds good! You go get it out and Ah’ll finish up here!

 You fooled me again, Wild Buffalo Betty!  Oh well, next time I’ll be wise to your tricks! Now give everyone reading a nice send off while I dig it out.

 

Thanks for reading this, y’all! Ah’m glad you could see just how easy it is for me to git catnip… Ah wonder if Colin would consider doing this every day?

Ask a human, week four

Agent 028 here, I’m about to question the human known as Colin, a.k.a. Mageowl, he’s been good at evading questions before, tonight I hope to trick him…

 

Colin, where were you ten hours from now?

 Huh? You mean where was I? Or where will I be?

 

Just answer the question!

How can I answer it if you won’t tell me just what you are asking?’

 

Very well… I see I’ll have to get rough with you!’

 Hey! Get your tail out of my face!

 

Now maybe you’ll tell me just why you were trying to sleep last night when I wanted my ear scratched?

 Because it was the middle of the night?

 

A ha! So you admit it! You admit to sleeping at night?

 Sure, nearly everyone does, you do too, Agent 028.

 

That doesn’t matter, I’m better than anyone else… dang it, here comes Wild Buffalo Betty! I’ve got to run!

 Huh? Why do you alway run away when she comes around?

 

Hi y’all, Hi colin. Agent 028 left? That’s probably because he owes me a mouse.

He owes you a mouse? Did he go rustling on your mouse ranch?

 

Ah thought it was ask a human day, not ask a cat night!

 You’re right, go ahead and ask me a question.

 

Am ah a pretty kitty? Aren’t ah cute? Don’t ya want to give me some catnip?

 Sigh, I know the real reason you came, Wild Buffalo Betty, you want catnip. Oh alright, let’s get you some catnip. Too bad Agent 028 left, he could have finished this post, I’ll have to come back later…

 

———————

 Agent 028 here, my plot worked perfectly, I now know the secret location where the catnip is hidden. Wild Buffalo Betty played her part purrfectly, Tomorrow night, Operation Catnip Plunder goes into effect.

 Agent 028 over and out.

Ask a human, week three

Hi y’all, Ah’m Wild Buffalo Betty, it’s my turn to ask Colin some questions this week…  ah cant wait to hear his answers!

 

Hi Collin, Ah’m glad ya could join me to answer a few questions, are ya ready? 

I’m ready, Betty! I can’t wait to hear the questions you have for me!

 

Ah’m glad to hear that, Colin, for Ah reckon Ah’ve got a few good ones that might stump ya tonight!

 Stump me? This isn’t a game!

 

First. Question: What is the sum total of wild mice in the house?

None, you’ve domesticated them, haven’t you?

 

Correct1 Next question, this one is worth ten belly rubs! How many cattle would a cat rustle if a cat could rustle cows?

 None, cats are too smart, you’d get me to do it somehow.

 

Correct! You may now pet my belly… or you can risk everything and answer another question!

 I guess I’ll risk it, what’s your next question?

 

Where is the catnip?

The catnip is put away where you will never find it, Wild Buffalo Betty! You can have some once we’re done.

 

Sorry! That answer is incorrect! Ah have the catnip right here!

 What? how.. you couldn’t have…it was in a closed drawer!

 

Better luck next time, Colin! Thanks for playing our game tonight! Ah’m sure everyone was rootin’ for ya!

Goodnight everyone, Ah’m Wild Buffalo Betty saying move ’em out!

Ask a human, week two

Greetings, I’m 028, Agent 028. Tonight it’s Colin’s turn to answer some questions, revenge can be sweet sometimes, bwhaa ha ha… er, I mean purr!

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Colin, are you ready to answer some questions?

 I’m ready! Thanks for having me… though this is odd, I’m normally the one doing the asking.

 

First question… where were you on the night of the 23rd?

Of which month? And why do you want to know?

 

May?

 May what? Are you wanting catnip already? We have barely begun the questions!

 

I’ll take catnip, I guess… wait! I want to know where you were on May 23rd!

 Oh, that kind of May. I guess I was probably either working on my blog or scratching your ear.

 

 Ah ha! So you admit to stealing the secrets?

 What? What secrets?

 

You’ll never win, I’ll stop you yet! No! Not my ear…. curse you, you know the one weakness I have, an ear scratch and a double helping of catnip!

  

Well, it looks like Agent 028 doesn’t have any more questions for me, I’m sure Wild Buffalo Betty will have plenty of questions for me again next week.

Ask a human, week one

It’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, I’ve finally convinced Colin that it’s only fair that he answer questions every week too. Without further ado, let’s get asking!

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions this week, Colin.

 My pleasure… plus you wouldn’t let me get any sleep if I didn’t agree.

 

I’m sure everyone would like to know what your favorite movie is.

I like lots of movies, Operation Petticoat, Singing in the Rain, Forbidden Planet and lots more.

 

Forbidden planet? Is that anything like that room you said I can’t go in that I still sneak into?

Not exactly, but that’s close enough. It has a robot, monsters of the id and a spaceship, everything a great movie needs!

 

Does it have gun fighters? Cattle rustling? Shootouts in a corral?

No, but it does have a monster and ray guns.

 

What about Singing in the rain? I take it that’s a horror movie? Humans singing a rain, I can’t imagine anything more frightening.

Not at all! It’s a comedy! With music and dancing! It includes a scene where Gene Kelly dances in the rain while singing too! It’s a classic!

 

Right, a classic horror movie like Frankenstein or the wolf man. Now tell us something about this Operation Petticoat? It’s about knitting I assume?

No! It’s a comedy war movie! It’s about a submarine that gets sunk, is raised, patched back together and then heads off to get fully repaired, on the way they have several adventures and end up painting the sub pink.

 

No knitting? No yarn? No shootouts? What’s the point?

It’s just a fun movie.

 

Well I think that’s about all the time we have tonight, Colin, would you like to say a few parting words?

Yes I would… whether ’tis nobler to suffer in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…

What are you talking about? Have you gone crazy? Or crazier than normal?

Hush! I’m doing a Scene from Hamlet!

Mmmm! Ham! Let’s go eat! Goodnight everyone!