Jokes for June 8th (by Agent 028)

I’m 28… Agent 28, I like my catnip shredded, not chopped. Last night Colin asked me to help with the jokes tonight… just like Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, so tonight I went ahead and… immobilized Colin in a fashion similar to how Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, only I used some feather toys and jingling balls in addition to the yarn, he won’t get free anytime soon. Well that’s enough set up, now it’s time for my favorite jokes, enjoy.

 

Why did the mouse cross the road?

Because he knew better than to cross a cat!

 

Why did the cat become a spy?

Sorry, I can’t reveal that.

 

When the cat’s arch-villain released a thousand trained ninja mice, what did the cat say?

Looks like fun!

 

Why did the cat catch mouse?

It was a lot easier than catching a cold!

  

How do you tell a cat from a lion?

Sorry, the answer is classified.

 

A lion, a lynx and a tiger go into a bar, the bartender says…. sorry, the rest of this joke is top secret.

 

(This joke has been classified by CATS and will be replaced by a cat poem)

A butterfly, on its fragile wings,

A mouse on fast mousy legs,

A bird awing,

While all of these may be my prey,

Catnip is bettter than any of them.

 

I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight. I’ve got a thousand more, but I’ve got to go on a mission… I mean, I think I hear a mouse!

 Goodnight everyone!

Jokes for June 1st (by Wild Buffalo Betty)

Hi y’all, Wild Buffalo Betty here. if’en y’all remember, last night Coiln promised Ah could tell some jokes tonight, he tried to back out, at least partly, he suggested we do more of those knock knock jokes… unfortunately he’s a bit tied up right now, Ah showed him how ah’d rope cattle, with any luck he won’t get free from the yarn until I finish my jokes.

 

What’s black and white and purrs?

 Me of course!

 

What can’t Agent 028 tell any secrets?

Because he’s got a cat tongue…. of is that supposed to be he got his tongue? I can never remember…

 

Why is a cat like a bard?

They both like a good yarn.

 

Why is a cat like a weaver?

They both like yarn.

 

How many cats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, we can see fine in the dark.

 

What flavor ice cream do cats like?

Catnip.

 

When do cats let mice go free?

Never, we always charge them.

 

What credit card do mice carry?

Mouse-ercard.

 

How does a feline order gifts?

From a catalog!

 

How does a cat find catnip in a jung…. oh dang, Colin’s almost free!

 Goodnight everyone, ah hope y’all enjoyed these jokes! Now move ‘me up and move ‘me out, pilgrim, yee Ha!

Jokes for February 16th

Hi y’all, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, I thought I’d sneak in tonight a change the jokes in this here post. These joke are really funny, I’m sure y’all will agree.
 

Why did the cat reluctantly chase a mouse across the street?

Because it really wanted to chase a chicken.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because I was chasing it!

 

What happens when a cat steals some shut eye?

It catnaps it!

 

Why didn’t the cat catch a moth?

Because it wanted a fly!

 

What does a cat call a large patch of catnip plants?

A field of dreams!

 

Ah reckon I could keep going all night, but I think I can hear that guy coming, he won’t be happy seeing what I did. See y’all at the next ro-dae-o!

Thursday night humor for January 12th

Another week, another joke.

 Before the humor, I have a quick question for you: which title do you prefer for this weekly post ‘Humor for date’ or ‘Jokes for date’? Let me know in the comments.

 

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Why did the snowman hate the cold snap?

His New Years resolution was to lose weight.

 

How does a cat spend a cloudy day?

He sleeps any way he wants.

 

What did the cat think when the mouse got the milk product in the cartoon?

She declared that it was a cheesy scene.

 

When a mouse stole the spotlight at an awards ceremony, the cat said that the mouse was acting cheesy.

 

If a snowman snubs a celebrity, I guess you could say he gave the star a cold shoulder.

 

What do you call an athlete who pawns pass cards?

A hock-key player

  

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I hope you enjoyed the humor for tonight. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for June 24th

Another Wednesday night, another round of jokes. Some jokes can be funny, some jokes can be silly, some jokes can actually be thought provoking, a joke might even speak volumes on politics , religion, world events or many other current things people worry about, then there are these jokes. Enjoy!

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Jokes:

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A snake went into a town and tried to open up a business selling various fats for cooking. It didn’t last long as the town had banned snake oil salesmen.

A hockey player retired and got a job delivering packages for a large bank. One day he was delivering a package to a gas station, the owner of the gas station refused to take the package, saying “Sorry, we don’t take checks here.”

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Whats  

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What happens if you steal a jewel before crossing a cow and a chef while riding in a roller coaster?
You get a milkshake and a grilling, along with some ups and downs.

What did the clerk say when the garbage can vanished?
That stinks.

What do snakes have in common with crooked sea captains?
They are both slippery.

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Hows 

———————


How do you tell the difference between an egg, a safe cracker and a was here’d up pilot?

One gets cracks, one cracks and the other cracks up.
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

We’ll never find out because the bill authorizing the changing of the light bulb died in committee on a party line vote.

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Whens 

—————-


When the bull rider rode a horse at the rodeo, every news outlet used the same headline: No bull.

When a cat jumps straight up in the air, can you say it’s catsup?

When the cat made the baseball team, it was delighted to hear that he’d be playing against a mouse the next day, it turned into  little more than a cat and mouse game.

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I hope at least one of these jokes made you chuckle.

Thanks for reading and keep laughing until next Wednesday.

Jokes for December 3rd

It’s Wednesday night again and that, of course, means it’s time for jokes!
Tonight I’ve got a few odd jokes, a few funny jokes and a few jokes that just make little or no sense.

Jokes:

A cat spied a mouse in the kitchen and started chasing it through the house. The mouse nearly managed to get away from the cat near a bookshelf, but the cat ran into the bookshelf, causing a few books to tumble to the ground as the chase continued.
The bookshelf sighed and told the nearby chair, “That cat and mouse scared the Dickens out of me!”

A spy realized that he had been found out and tried to escape. He ran through a mall and into a Chinese restaurant before being tackled. He managed to get away from the men following him and into the kitchen, but a waiter bumped him and he fell into a pot. He reluctantly acknowledged that he was in hot water.

Whats:

What did the cat say when she slept all day?
I had a purrfect nap.

What did the computer do when its mouse stopped working?
It called the cat.

What did the retired captain do to get ready for the holidays?
He ordered the decks swabbed and the hull built from boughs of holly.

Whys:

Why did the reindeer buy flood insurance?
Because he lived in the rainforest.

Why do baseball pitchers make good pancakes?
Because they know what to do when the batters up.

Why do thieves love Christmas?
Because of all the silver bells.

Why do cats always feel like criminals?
Because they are always collared.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed at least one of these jokes!
I hope you’ll join me again next week for a new batch of jokes. Please feel free to comment.

Jokes for November 19th

It’s Wednesday night again, time for another batch of jokes! Tonight I’ve got a bunch of jokes, both good and bad, that I’m eager to share with you!

Whats

What did the submarine captain do when he retired?
He bought a dive.

What did Dr. Van Helsing serve for Thanksgiving?
Stakes.

What did the baseball pitcher turned judge say to the outfielder before throwing the book at him?
You’re way off base.

Jokes

A world famous cyber thief took sick and when to see a famous doctor. The doctor examined the thief. After careful consideration, the doctor said “Take one tablet an hour and call me in the morning.”

The captain of a submarine retired and opened up a hardware store that only took orders online. Things were going well until one day when a retired enemy admiral turned contractor came in to pick up his order. The retired sub captain asked for his order, the admiral replied “Sink, sink!”

Cats

Jane excitedly called up a famous scientistic paper to announce a world shaking discovery.
“I’ve discovered something that can change its mass to be as light a a feather or as heavy as a boulder!”
The scientists were appropriately intrigued and asked for more details.
“It’s a cat,” Jane replied.

What activity are cats adept at?
Laps.

Thank’s for reading, I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

Jokes for October 1st

It’s Wednesday night, time for more joke! Plus it’s October, the month of Halloween! Every joke night I’ll have ‘spooky’ jokes, or jokes with halloween monsters in them, as well as normal bad jokes. I hope you enjoy these!

Jokes

A fisherman and a golfer were in a bar sharing some stories over a drink.
The fisherman recounted the shark he nearly landed.
The golfer proudly recalled his magnificent hole in one on a par 6 hole.
Then a sailor walked into the bar, “I just saw a 50 ft cat catch a whale!” He exclaimed.
The golfer turned to the fisherman, “That’s the tallest tail I’ve ever heard!”

A mad scientist crossed a cat with a whale, the result was a giant cat that enjoyed swimming.
“Now this will stop my archenemy, he only crossed a rat with dinosaur DNA!”

Whys

Why did the vampire run a bank?
It ran in the blood.

Why did the ghost love snow?
It was cold hearted.

Why was the chili roaster who also sold mirrors accused of being a spy?
Because of the smoke and mirrors.

Whats

What do you call a cat named Arr, who has a long tail and sews clothes?
A Tail-arr

What does a zombie say when it sees a fish super hero?
Super brains food!

That’s it for tonight I hope you chuckled at one or two of these.
Feel free to share your own jokes in the comments.
Thanks for reading

Jokes for September 20th

It’s time for more jokes! Somedays its hard to come up with jokes, but I’m not going to let you down. I’ve got several new jokes that should be either good enough or bad enough to give you a laugh. I hope you enjoy these.

Whens

When did the athlete discover that he was better suited to be a demolition expert?
When his coach told him to hit the showers

When a baseball bat records a song, is it automatically a hit?

Who…

Who do fruits turn to for help?
Lemons, they are always in lemonaid.

Who wins during a boxing match between clothing?
It always ends in a tie.

Cat jokes

A cat walks onto a dairy farm. It watches as a farmer milks a cow. Thinking to get himself some fresh milk he walks toward the farmer and trips him. The farmer scolds the cat and puts him in the barn with a religious text. As the cat explores, he discovers a way into the attached chicken coop. With a grin, the cat thinks “I’ve got a wing and a prayer now!”

Apple and doctor jokes

If an apple gets drunk, is it sauced?

An apple was kicked out of a bar because he was sauced.

A doctor went skydiving. While his parachute deployed perfectly, a gust of wind forced him off course. A few weeks later he was found nearly starved to death in the middle of an orchard. When asked why he hadn’t just picked some fruit to eat, he explained that he had spent those weeks surrounded by apples, proving once again, apples keep doctors away.

A doctor vanish on vacation. After a multinational manhunt, he was found celebrating in a bar with a piece of fruit. The official story was that an apple a day kept the doctor away.

remember this one?

A joke from one of my earlier joke posts:

Two melons had fallen in love and we’re planning on running away to get married, before they did, the decided to confide In their friend, a walnut.
After hearing their plans, the walnut burst out laughing as he said “you two crack me up, you to, cantaloupe.”

Thanks for reading. I hope at least one of these jokes cracked you up.
I’ll have more new jokes next week.

Jokes for August 13th

It’s Wednesday again, time for more joke! I’m not sure if you’ll enjoy these jokes, but I have high hopes.
Tonight I’m going to try something new, I’m going to write a joke in different ways, I want you to tell me in the comments which one you enjoy.

Why do…

Why do baseball teams refuse to hire gardeners to pull weeds?
Because they want more rooting.

Why do pirates sleep poorly?
Because they drink grog.

How do…

How do you tell if a pirate drank watered rum?
He’s groggy.

How do you know if a parrot once belonged to a pirate?
It’s not easy, but an eye patch and cutlas are two good clues.

Jokes

In deep space there is a planet inhabited by a race of people made entirely out of gold. They also are incredibly rude. They are known as the cold gold golems.

A cowboy was traveling through Europe, he kept looking around for some place to buy supplies, finally, annoyed beyond belief, he stopped a politician.
‘This here is Europe, right?’ The cowboy asked, when the politician nodded, he asked ‘then where is all this rope eur using?’

Joe and jane were enjoying a picnic one day. Joe turned to Jane and asked “How do you like the maize?”
“It’s a bit corny,” she replied.

Which is better?

Did you hear about the king of a land of measuring devices? He likes being called the Ruler of the rulers.

What do you call the king of a land that is composed of measuring devices?
The Ruler of the rulers.

Who rules in the land of measuring sticks?
The Ruler of the rulers.

Two cat jokes

What is a cat’s favorite play?
A midsummer’s night dream feast.

How can you tell if a cat has eaten his fill?
Is there food left? If so, he’s still hungry.

That’s it for tonight, I hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes and this post. I enjoyed writing it.
Please remember to comment about which version of the ruler joke you like best.