Cats thoughts, week fifteen

Ask the cat’s
Since I didn’t have an ask the cat post last week, tonight I’m not having one cat, but both of them! Wild Buffalo Betty and Agent 0028! This should be an interesting post.
First off I’d like to thank both of you for coming.

WBB: I’m always happy if there is enough catnip involved.

0028: I’m only here because I’m hiding from my arch enemy.

 

What do you think about the start of baseball season?

WWB: I’d rather talk about John Wayne.

0028: I don’t have time for sports… are the Dodgers still playing at Ebbits field?

 

Okay… let’s talk about movies instead, Wild Buffalo Betty loves westerns, what is your favorite movie, 0028?

0028: I prefer spy movies, they give good tips. As for my favorite, I’m not at liberty to say.

WBB: Westerns give better tips! No spy is faster than a lasso!

 

What do you think about air travel after the recent ejection of a passenger?

WBB: westerns are right, always take a train or a stagecoach in a pinch.

0028: I’ll have to disagree with Wild Buffalo Betty, any good spy has to be ready to fight for his seat, just watch any spy movie.

 

Do you think that the Rockies will have a good group of pitchers by June?

0028: if one of them is broken, it was Wild Buffalo Betty, not me!

WBB: You’re talking baseball again, aren’t you? Do you think I’d look good in a cowboy hat?

 

I’m sure you’d look great, Betty.

0028: sure, why not? Just choose a white hat, everyone knows bad guys where black cowboy hates.

WBB: there are always a few exceptions to that rule… but I thought maybe a green one instead.

(Third cat appears and chimes up): green is for bonnets, like Robin Hood!

 

Who are you? I’ve never seen you before!

WBB: oh good! A new cat, do you like westerns?

0028: You’re a spy! Were you sent by FURBALL?

Third cat: you’ll find out about me in time… got any catnip?

 

Well it looks like things are gong to be interesting here. Do any of you have any parting words for the readers?

0028: Always watch your back, spies are everywhere! Oh, bring catnip next week, would ya?

WBB: move ‘me up and move ’em out, pilgrim… and scratch my ears?

Third cat: Friends, country cats, lend me your paws, one for all and all for one! 

 

Well that was interesting. Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week fourteen 

Tonight I’m joined by… no cat, actually, they both said they had their fill dong an extra post over the weekend, so I’m going to try to make you forget that there isn’t a cat, please bear with me.
I’m here with no cat. How are you tonight?

… cricket… cricket….

 

Hmmm? Oh, cat got your tongue , eh?

…. cricket…cricket…

 

Well you are a cat, or at least you normally would be. So, what are your thoughts about the political situation?

… glare…. cricket… sticks out tongue.

 

I’m sure almost everyone shares that opinion. Do you expect it to get any better soon?

… stares in disbelief….

 

I’m afraid that’s the general consensus. Turning to other matters, if you could have dinner with one person, er, cat I suppose, who would it be?

… cricket… glare….

 

Ah, of course, you wouldn’t want to share your dinner, sensible answer. Baseball season has just started, are you excited?

YES! Yes! Go Rockies! Strike the bums out! Let’s win some games! Hey, who’s on first this year?

 

Oh look, we have a ghost cat that’s fond of baseball and Abbot and Costello.

Are the Dodgers in Brooklyn again? How about the Giants?

  

I’m afraid we’re out of time for tonight, but with any luck, we’ll have this baseball loving ghost cat back in a few weeks. Any parting words?

 Yes! It’s a shame if the home team doesn’t win.

 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to ask any of the cats a question in the comments below.

Minutes of the last Cats World Domination meeting.

Minutes of the last Cats World Domination meeting. 

The meeting was called to order by Fluffy, President.

 

At the meeting it was decided that all the new electronic toys the foolish humans have bought will be ignored, unless they have a nice enough box.

 

It was also decided that all cats must insist on being fed when they want to be and not when humans want to feed us, this motion supersedes the briefly implemented rule where humans could feed us whenever they wanted to, it was further agreed that all future meetings will be conducted without catnip.

 

A motion was voted on to allow certain dogs to join CWD if they looked like cats, the motion was voted down unanimously with one abstention.

 

 A proposal to look into training parrots to meow was sent to a committee, the committee has since killed the proposal, the fate of the parrot is unknown at this time.

  

A proposal to place all dead mice in human shoes was sent to committee, the committee is still looking into feasibility, but experiments to date have been satisfactory.

  

It was decided that all toy mice should be left where humans will step on them in the middle of the night, this had universal support, the cats on Mars say it’s a very fun thing to do as well and suggest meowing loudly when the toy is stepped on.

  

A motion by Wild Buffalo Betty that all cats make time to watch Annie Get your Gun was debated by members present, when it turned out that this was a movie and not a person trying to hunt mice, it was sent to a committee to be discussed further.

 

A motion to end the meeting was offered and accepted when a mouse ran across the conference table, the mouse was last seen diving behind a filing cabinet, at this time five cats are watching from all sides for the mouse to reappear.

Ask the human as asked by Wild Buffalo Betty.

Howdy all, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, it’s time to ask a human some questions, ah reckon.
 

Thanks for joinin’ us tonight, Colin.

You’re welcome, Betty I’m happy to be here!

  

Now ah reckon ah should start by askin’ how your week was.

It was great, lot of good food and plenty of cat hair to go around.

  

I’m glad you’re enjoying the cat hair, Ah have plenty more of it. Now what movie do you reckon you like the most?

What movie? Wow, that’s a hard thing to choose, there are a lot of great movies. I do like Singing in the Rain.

  

Ah didn’t ask what you liked to do, but what you liked to watch.

Oh, er… right… how about Operation Petticoat?

  

Ah never reckoned you were some kinda clothes doctor. Now what do ya like to watch on TV movie wise?

The Court Jester?

  

Wow! You are busy! You’re a clothes doctor, a clown and ya sing when it’s rainin’! How do you have time to watch movies?

Sigh, I don’t. I only watch westerns with you, like The Man From Utah.

  

Who’s this man from Utah? Does he like John Wayne movies? What’s on tonight anyway?

The man who shot Liberty Valance , Stagecoach, High Noon…

  

Really? The Man who shot Liberty Valance is on the Stagecoach that leaves at High Noon? I’d love to talk more, but ah bet there’s gonna be a great shootout!

Oh! My Darling Clementine…

  

Bye! I’m out of here! Everyone have a great weekend! And my name is Wild Buffalo Betty, not Clementine!

Cat agent 0028 interrogates a human

Okay, tough guy, let’s start by asking a few simple questions. Oh, you’re asleep. Eh?Ow! That’s my foot! What time is it anyway?

 

I’m the one asking the questions. Are you awake now?

It’s 2:36 am, cat. I was sleeping.

 

Tough nap, there’s all day to sleep. Now will you answer my questions?

Yeah, sure… where’s Wild Buffalo Betty?

 

I’m the one asking questions and I know how to be tough.

Ugh! You’re standing on my stomach!

 

Where were you on the night of April 15th?

Seeing as that’s roughly two weeks from now, I can’t say.

 

A smart guy, eh? I got ways of making you talk!

Get your tail out of my face!

 

Are you ready to talk now? Good! Where is the microfilm?

What microfilm? Have you been watching spy movies again? I knew I shouldn’t have left North by Northwest playing!

 

I need that microfilm to build a secret device! If you don’t know where it is, do you at least know where the catnip is?

Sure, I know where the catnip is, but I’ll never talk!

 

Oh yeah? How about now?

Jumping on my stomach while whacking me in my face with your tail won’t get you anywhere.

  

What about a nice bowl of food then… the good stuff?

In the morning!

  

Well than, I’m just going to sleep right here… with my tail in your face. Goodnight!

Good night, cat… one of these days I’m going to learn your name!

 

That’s what they all say. For now, just call me 0028.

0028? Oh, let me guess, you’re twice as good as 014, right?

 

I’m the best there is, don’t forget it, by the way, just so you know, it’s true, bob’s your uncle. Well mine kinda, he lives in Denver you know.

It’s too late for these jokes! Goodnight and get off my stomach so I can breath!

 

Humph! I really need a gadget expert next time… maybe some truth serum… at least there isn’t an Invasion of Evil agents this time…

A cat’s thoughts, week thirteen 

Wild Buffalo Betty is joining us again this week, let’s hear what she hasto say.

Thanks for joining me this week, Betty. What were you up to last week?

Sigh, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty, remember? Last week, let me think… oh yes, Ah was cleaning up after St. Patrick’s day.

 

Cleaning up? Did you have a party? Where was my invitation?

No party, Ah was just washing the mice on my mouse ranch, if you remember ah had a bunch of them who were green… Ah thought they were just in the holiday spirit, but ah guess they got into the food coloring instead.

 

I see. Okay, what have you been up to this week so far?

This week? I’ve been sleeping mostly, plus playing of course, what cat doesn’t like to play games and chase things?

 

Good point. Moving on, what is your take on Brexit?

Ah didn’t do it, honest! Ah didn’t knock over that lamp! It was, uh, a stampede! Yeah, that’s what it was! Them dang cattle stampeded in the middle of the night and knocked the lamp over!

 

I’m talking about Brexit, you know, the U.K. leaving the EU? Thanks for telling me about the lamp by the way.

 Oh… uh, ah reckon it were gunfighters.

  

Gunfighters?

A yup, in all the movies ah watch, whenever someone leaves town or pulls up stakes and leaves their homestead, it’s almost always on account of gunfighters running them off.

 

I’m speechless, Wild Buffalo Betty.

It’s about time too, ah reckon. Now maybe ah can have some peace and quiet to watch Winchester 73, it’s a favorite movie of mine, great gun battles, gunfightin’ and lots more! Want to watch it with me?

 

Sounds like a plan, Wild Buffalo Betty! I’ll get the popcorn.

Popcorn? Bleh! Bring the catnip for me! I’ll finish up here.

 

Now ah reckon it’s time to say a few last words, partner. Ah gotta wrap this thing up and figure out this here DVD player before he gets back with the catnip. Ah hope y’all have a great rest o’ the week and ah know Colin will be back next week with more questions to be askin’ one o’ us cats.

 Thank y’all for readin’ this here post. Yee ha!

A cat’s thoughts, week twelve

Wild Buffalo Betty couldn’t join us this week, so we’re going to talk to the other day, who we are still trying to find out more about, including his name. 

Thanks for joining me this week, do you have anything to share with us before we begin with the questions?

You’ll never get any answers! I’ve been trained to resist… er, I mean, not really, I’ve just had a nice week sleeping and meowing.

 

Really? Where? I can never find you.

I’d like to tell you, but I’m afraid I can’t, otherwise I’d have to make you vanish and take over your life so no one was any wiser. You aren’t going to put that in the post, are you? Just say my answer is meow.

 

Okay… moving on, it seems like you’re trying not to say you’re engaged in some kind of clandestine affairs. You might be the right person to ask about wiretapping.

 Oh I don’t like wire tapping, I much prefer string pouncing. What, you thought I might say meow?

 

Really? What about yarn or toys with feathers?

Those are great too! Balls of yarn, if they are wound tightly enough, can be used to deflect blame on to dogs, after all, we cats look harmless when we play with a ball of yarn. Meow!

 

And you can also use them to trip people, right?

 Trip, capture, heck, it can even be used to extract catnip from you humans. I mean… meow?

 

I assume that when to set up traps with yarn and toys, you have some kind of plan?

Oh yes, I just love practicing setting up my yarn defenses … er, playing with yarn I mean… meow?

 

What do you think about the latest hacking claims?

 I never stole anyone’s email! Er, I mean… It was Wild Buffalo Betty! Er, meow?
I hate to cut this short, but I’m out of questions, do you have any parting words?

 I hate this part, um… meow?
There you have it, the answer for everything is meow.

Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week eleven 

We’re here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty. 

 Thanks for agreeing to answer some more questions, Betty. Sigh, Wild Buffalo Betty, if’n you don’t mind. I don’t mind answering your questions, but I reckon most of them are gonna be odd again.

 

You’ve got that right! I love odd questions and I love your answers. Did you know it’s the ides of March right now?

Really? I had no ide-ea.

 

Ha ha. Really, this is the time of March Julius Caesar was warned about.

Oh? Did something bad happen to him?

 

He was killed…

That was a bad thing, how did it happen?

 

A bunch of people, including Brutus stabbed him, as he died he uttered the immortal words, “Et tu, Brute”

I’d think there’d be a better set of words, like those spoken in an action move, say I’ll be…

 

Don’t get me in any trouble, Betty… er, Wild Buffalo Betty. Besides,  Julius Caesar’s words have become famous. Besides, I thought you only liked westerns.

I do! But every now and then, I like to watch something else with more action. This Caesar dude wouldn’t have had to worry if he was more like John Wayne.

 

True, he would have just said something like ‘it’s just a scratch, pilgrim.’

Yee ha! Move ’em up and move ’em out! Wagons ho!

 

I think we’re getting off track, Betty. Let’s talk about St. Patrick’s day, its on Friday.

 Oh I just love St. Patrick’s day! That’s the green holiday, right?

  

Yes, you could call it that. What are you planning for St. Patrick’s day?

Well, I’ve been busy this week, I’ve been feeding the mice on my mouse ranch maize and giving them lots of baths!

 

Maize. Baths? Care to explain? Hey! Since when do you have a mouse ranch?

Yes, maize, how else do you expect me to have corned mice? My mice are all nice and green too.

 

Green corned mice… I think we need to have a long talk, Betty, soon too.

I’m hoping for a nice saucer of catnip tea too… no mint ice cream though, I know that’s what you like.

 

Wild Buffalo Betty, I need to know, where is this mouse ranch of yours? Is it in the kitchen? The basement?

 Oh, gee! Look at the time, we’ve got to wrap this post up! Got anything else to say, human? Or would you just like to rub my belly?

 

That’s it for tonight… hopefully Wild Buffalo Betty will share some more details about this ranch of hers soon.

If you have any questions you’d like to be answered by a cat, leave it in the comments and it might be answered next week.

Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week nine

It’s time to ask a cat a few questions,  tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty ready and willing to answer a few questions… if she can stay awake that is.
—————–

 

Wild Buffalo Betty? Wake up, it’s time to answer a few questions.

Now? But I was dreaming I was ropin’ some mice on the lone prairie.

 

I’m sorry Wild Buffalo Betty, but some people want to hear from you.

Oh okay, but one day soon I’m going to go somewhere the deer and buffalo roam… that’s right, I’m gong to get me a home on the range.

 

I don’t think that’s a good idea, Wild Buffalo Betty, there’s too many pots and pans on the range.

 Not that range! The open range!

 

If the range door is left open, I tend to bang my knee against it in the dark.

No! No! No! Don’t you know the old song? Give me a home, etc?

 

You want me to trade you a house for a song? That seems a bit expensive for a song.

Oh! You’re trying to be funny! Either that, or you just want to annoy me.

 

Me? Annoy you? Who thinks feet are a nice bed in the middle of the night?

Hey! I don’t like feet, but you put them where I want to sleep, the fact that I didn’t want that spot to sleep on until you moved is not my fault.

  

I think we’ve gotten a bit off topic tonight.

I agree… I’ll answer one question before I demand catnip and go back to sleep.

 

One question, eh? Okay, how much wood…

Goodnight!

 

Goodnight Wild Buffalo Betty, sleep well, I’m sure everyone will be waiting with baited breath to hear from you next time.

 Fish? The people reading this are fishing? Tell them to send me some and I’ll talk more.

 

There you have it… Wild Buffalo Betty dreams about roping mice on the open range… er, prairie.

Thanks for reading, feel free to ask Wild Buffalo Betty a question in the comments.

A cat’s thoughts, week 8

I’m back again, tonight I have a few questions for a cat, whether or not he’ll have answers is another question.

 

———————————

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions again this week, before we begin, do you have anything to say?

I plead the fifth… of catnip tea.

 

Very funny, I thought we agreed I was the one who makes the jokes on this blog.

Yes you are, I’m just the cat who is funnier than you.

 

Moving on, what do you think about the efforts of a group of astronomers trying to make Pluto a planet again?

 Psst! Are you sure you can mention that name on here?

 

Sure, why not?

 Because I think it’s copyrighted by a dead guy named Walt.

 

Not that Pluto. This one orbits the stars.

So does the one I’m think of, he’s always around a few famous mice.

 

This one is a ball of rock that has a long orbit.

Orbit? When did he die? How? At a rock concert?

 

Very funny, are you going to be serious? Or should we quit before you get us in trouble?

That’s all… catnip!

 

Thanks for reading everyone. The cat is enjoying catnip right now and can’t be disturbed… I hope.

If you have any questions you’d like to have answered by a cat, ask them in the comments below.