Oh we’re off…

Oh we’re off to smell the catnip! The wonderful, wonderful, wonderful catnip of mine!

We sniff it for it is a whiz of a nip,

Oh if ever a nip there was this is it!

Because, because, because because,

oh because of the wonderful things it does!

Oh we’re off to smell the catnip! The wonderful catnip of mine!

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The tail of Wild Buffalo Betty

Ah’m just a poor kitty, looking for catnip. This is mah story:

Ah were born on the range… the open range, not a cookin’ range. Ah was raised beside cows and horses, broke mah first horse at six weeks and ah’ve ain’t never looked back.

Six months ago, a mean ole gunfighter killed mah pa, so Ah strapped on this here six gun and ah’ve been searchin’ for the outlaw ever since.

Ah’ve had lots ‘o adventures, riding herd with John Wayne, getting into gun fights with James Stewart. Leading a wagon train across country from St. Louis to San Francisco, even laying on top of a stagecoach with my rifle shooting desperadoes who wanted the strong box!

Ah’ll never forget Bullrun either… ah was hanging onto that bull with all mah claws, ah don’t think he liked that.

Now Ah’m no closer to finding that outlaw who killed mah pa, but ah’ve got a standing invitation to join Colonel Cody’s show.

Now if’en ah could just find a bit o’ catnip ah can relax tonight…

Wild Buffalo Betty cooks again!

Hi y’all, it’s me, Wild Buffalo Betty, tonight ah’m a goin’ to show you the best topping for a hotdog… no, not that kind of dog! A beautiful, or whatever kind o’ sausage you are gonna eat.
First, take a large glop o’ sour cream, I just love sour cream! Put it in a bowl and eat it… er, I mean… a nice large bowl where you can mix something else into it, or if you want to make a large batch, just mix it in the container itself.

 Next, add a lot of catnip! Oh, catnip! My favorite thing!

 Now mix the two together until the our cream looks greenish in color, yes you need that much, more if possible. 

 Next,  this is the hardest part! Let it sit for at least an hour, over night is better, but I don’t think anyone would have that much will power! I never have any left over for the next day myself, although, Colin doesn’t let me make a very large batch.

  

There you have it, the absolute best recipe ah’ve ever found! Enjoy!

Sit down and…

It’s me, Agent 028… I didn’t really want to do this, but Wild Buffalo Betty insisted, she said if I refused to do at least one post on this blog while Colin is away, she’d steal all my catnip and my blanket!

So I’m going to tell you a quick tail…

Sit down and I’ll tell you a tail, a tail of a cat named Tom, a poor wild cat just trying to find catnip…

Tom was hunting one day, just trying to keep fed, when he pounced on a bird and struck oil, nasty stuff, it ruined his feast.

Well Tom was annoyed and he said to his kin, “I ain’t living here in an oil pit no more, California, that’s where I’m a going!”

So he took up his catnip and headed out, California bound he was, he had heard o’ a place where no oil was to be found, a woman called Beverly lived in those hills.

Now Tom is quite fit and he spends his days on the fiddle, hunting fast mice and rolling in catnip.

But whenever his kin showed up, he’d chase them right off, yowling “Don’t come back now, ya hear!”

Ask a cat, week thirty

Another week, another post with crazy answers by cats.
Tonight I have Agent 028 here answering questions. Hopefully he’ll have some good answers to my questions tonight.

Thanks for joining me tonight, Agent 028!
It wasn’t my idea, but between Wild Buffalo Betty and my bosses who think these posts are good publicity, I had no choice.

First off, have you had any interesting adventures this past week?
I did, several in fact, but I can’t tell you about them, they have been classified top secret. I can tell you about the twelve hours I spent staring under the cupboard if you’d like.

That’s okay, Agent 028, I wouldn’t want you to give up any trade secrets. I was wondering if you could tell me who catches more mice, you or Wild Buffalo Betty?
Well… that’s an interesting question. I could catch more, but since I’m so busy saving the world… er, you know I meant sleeping there. Anyway, I let Wild Buffalo Betty catch most of them since she raises them.

I’ve heard of Betty’s hobby, as have most people reading this post. Tell me, if ranching mice is such a great hobby like Betty claims, why didn’t you get involved in it?
Me? Raise mice? I like to catch them and play with them, I wouldn’t be seen on a mouse ranch!

Moving on from mice… what do you think about the political situation?
I think it means I’ll be very busy… er… sleeping. Yes, that’s it! I’m tired of it!

I think most people are tired of hearing about nothing but politics. What would you like to discuss next?
Um… I guess I’ll have to act like Wild Buffalo Betty here and say… catnip!

Ah yes, the go to topic for cats! Do you prefer your catnip fresh or dried?
It comes fresh? I think I’ll stay with dried, it sounds easier to roll in.

Do you prefer catnip mice or just a pile of catnip?
As Wild Buffalo Betty would say: Both! Now!

I shouldn’t have started talking about catnip before I was ready to end this post, huh?
There is no better time to have catnip. Seize the day, seize the catnip, or so I always say!

Okay! Okay! Before we go, do you have anything else to say to the readers tonight?
I do, actually… never let yourself get dragged into answering questions unless you know you can get catnip out of it. Goodnight everyone! Come back n, Colin! Let’s go!

That’s our post for tonight… just a moment, Agent 028! If you want a cat to answer a question of your choosing, leave it in the comments! Thanks for reading!

Ask a human #7

Welcome y'all, Ah'm Wild Buffalo Betty and it's time to ask a human a few questions. Now ah don't know about y'all, but ah was havin' a mite o' trouble remembering how many weeks Agent 028 and ah have been doing this, so ah took the liberty o' renaming it to number o' posts.
This week ah have Colin answering these questions.

Thank ya fur joining me, Colin, are you ready to answer a few questions?
Hi Betty! I'm glad to be here! I'm more than ready, I'm eager! How are we doing it this week?

Ah'm glad you asked that, Colin! Ah was going to have ya give me the answers before I asked the questions, but that might be confusing.
So what else is new? This post can be anything! My first answer is twenty seven!

How many mice do you want in your slippers overnight?
Maybe this wasn't a good way to do it after all. A dozen books worth is my second answer.

For mah second question, how many more moths do you want?
Okay… next answer… only what you like.

Oh good! Er… ah mean… what's for dinner tonight?
Hey! That one worked nicely! Next answer… a few hours of reading.

What would you happily give up to pet me?
I have a feeling you're making up these questions after I give you my answer. Shakespeare.

How do you scare away a drunk dragon?
I see what you did there, Wild Buffalo Betty! Nice one.

In two words, tell me what you thought of the last mouse ah caught.
I still think you're cheating, Betty. Only green.

What color should catnip be?
Why does it always come down to catnip for you, Betty?

Yes, please! Right now if you please.
I answered right into that one, didn't I? Okay, Betty. I'll go get the catnip while you finish this post.

Thank ya for joining me tonight, Colin! Make sure the catnip is fresh!
Ah want to thank everyone for reading this tonight. Now don't tell Colin, but Agent 028 and I have something new planned for next week!
Good night, y'all!

Ask a cat, week twenty nine

It's time for another ask the Cat post! Joining me tonight is that sweetheart of cats, Wild Buffalo Betty! Thanks for joining me tonight, Betty!
You're welcome, Colin, Ah hope you brought plenty of catnip!"

Plenty for most cats, however you really enjoy it, so we'll have to wait and see.
Do we have to wait very long?

You have to wait until this post is finished, Betty, don't get impatient.
Thanks for the questions, Colin! Ah enjoyed this post! Goodnight everyone!

Not so fast, Wild Buffalo Betty! You haven't answered any questions yet!
Are you sure? Ah think Ah must have!

I'm sure, Betty, I keep track. For your first question: do you prefer catnip or mice?
Ah like mah mice made of catnip. Ah like either of them separate sure, but combine them and its even better!

Good choice, I'm sure most people reading this post would agree that catnip mice are easier to deal with. Are catnip mice what you have on your mouse ranch?
Oh no! Ah have all sorts of mice on my ranch! Ah raise racing mice mostly.

Racing mice?
Sure! Ah hate the easy to catch ones, so Ah raise ones that are faster and harder to catch.

Is that why you and Agent 028 spend o much time hunting under cabinets?
A'yup! These mice here ain't ordinary mice, these are champions!

Okay… I don't know about the readers, but I've had enough mouse talk tonight. Moving on, I'm sure many people are wondering just how many naps you take in a day.
All of them, Colin, all of them.

Great answer, Betty! Great answer!
Why, what other kind of answer is there? Ain't ah a pretty kitty?

Yes you are Betty. Now what do you think about the political situation?
Ah think Ah might have to issue stronger sanctions if'en you don't tell me this post is about finished.

Just what kind of sanctions?
Right now, ah'm easy going, Ah'll just keep your feet hot tonight, if Ah issue stronger sanctions, Ah'll add a few claws at the moment you doze off.

Well there you have it, folks! Wild Buffalo Betty has answered all my questions tonight! Any parting words for our readers, Betty?
Yes… in those immortal words, give me catnip or scratch mah ear! Ah'm sure ah'll be back in a few posts, hopefully ah'll be answering better questions!

Thanks for reading, if you have any questions you'd like to have asked to a cat, just leave them in the comments,

Ask a human, week six

Agent 028 here, unfortunately I seem to have been roped into another of these ask a human posts, I don't know how he does it, but Colin keeps convincing to to help him out on his blog… I guess it must be because everyone likes my style. Here's Colin!

Thanks for joining us, Colin.
Thanks for having me, Agent 028, I'm happy to be here!

You're a few minutes late tonight, I guess your arms must be tired!
Wha… oh no… not more of your humor!

Yup, because you flew in tonight!
Oh gee… I've got to run, I'm allergic to jokes tonight.

Then you'd better make like a tree and bark!
I think you mixed up a few jokes there, Agent 028. It's make like a tree and leave.

No! Trees have bark, so you should bark!
Okay… arf arf… satisfied?

Not really, but such is the life of a secret… er… cat. Now I'm not saying the town I used to live in was small, but if you took a step, you'd be in the next county!
Really? So what's your question for me?

Oh, right… questions… how many cans of cat food can a human open in an hour?
I'm not sure, but probably not enough to satisfy you if you don't like what's inside them.

Did you hear what happened when the glue plant had an accident?
No, what happened?

The manager tried to keep everyone's lips shut!
Bah dah bing!

So Colin, do you know where Wild Buffalo Betty is going on her vacation?
I didn't even know she was going on vacation! Where is she going?

Alaska.
Oh don't worry, I'll ask her myself.

Very funny. Did you hear about the trouble with certain types of seafood?
No, what happened?

I'm not quite sure, but I've heard no one is talking about it, they have all clammed up.
Now that's worthy of a groan! I thought I was supposed to get questions to answer?

Shut up, I'm on a roll! Did you hear about the baker who moved next to an old dairy? I know this is going to sound cheesy, but the dairy maid buttered him up!
Uh… Agent 028?

Not now! Can't you hear I'm dong great?
I think this post is long enough, you'll have to come back another time if you want to tell more jokes.

Right! I see by the clock that it's time to end this post, no post will ever drag on too long, not on my watch! Ha! Got in another one!
Seriously folks, thanks for reading, Colin will be back again with new posts in a day or so… good, his back is turned! I'll be back tomorrow with more jokes!

Ask a cat, week twenty eight

As last weeks post was… lost, I'm reusing the number, tonight I'm here with Agent 028, let's see if he knows what happened to last week's post.

Agent 028, thank you for joining me tonight!
Uh… sure… you're welcome. I don't have long, I've got to… um… go do something soon.

Really? I guess you won't have time for catnip after these few questions then.
Well… I might be able to make a few moments.

We'd better get busy. Do you know what happened to last week's Ask a Cat post?
It was reblogged a thousand times? It won a prize?

It vanished, Agent 028… do you know how that happened?
Russian hackers?

Try again.
Siamese hackers? Parrot crackers?

I don't think so, Agent 028, I think the culprit was closer than that… maybe even in this room.
It was that dog that snuck in! I got rid of him, but he was here unguarded for over a minute! I bet he did it!

There was a aw print on my screen and it was a cat's paw.
Wild Buffalo Betty! I bet she did it while chasing a mouse!

Nah, she's too sweet, I'm sure she wouldn't have done it. Wat were you doing when the post was lost?
Me? Me? Let me think… oh es, I was chasing a cat, it was a cat employed by my arch foe, F.E.R.A.L

Just what does that stand for?
F.E.R.A.L. It stands for Felines Engaged in Revolutionary Actions Live..

I think we'd better move on. What do you think of the weather lately?
I've enjoyed it, it's my favorite kind of weather right now… oh, look at the time, I've got to run!

Agent 028! What about your catnip?

Well he's gone, so it's up to me to end this post.
Thanks for reading and I hope that I'll have a few better questions net week.

Apology from Wild Buffalo Betty

Ah'd like to offer an apology for the lack o' an Ask the Cat post this week, it's not my fault, it's Agent 028, he wanted to do somethin' of this here ipad, said he knew what he was doin'… Colin wasn't around and ah thought it would be okay.
Ah thought he wanted to go lookin' at cat food or fancy catnip. Ah'm not sure what he did, but he was on some site that read top secret, ah'm not sure what is so secret about a top, a've seen plenty o' them.
After Agent 028 saw me glancing over his tail, he quickly exited it and said he was going to 'delete the browsing history'. Well, that ain't what happened, he deleted last night's post instead.
Once again, ah'm sorry about the lack o' that post, it was a great one too.

This is Wild Buffalo Betty sayin' move 'em up an move 'em out!