Ask a cat, week twenty seven

It’s that time of the week again, time to ask a cat some questions! I have a few good questions this week, hopefully I’ll get a chance to ask them, but wth these cats, they know how to change the topic. I hope you enjoy!

 

Agent 028? Where’s Wild Buffalo Betty? I thought you were both going to be here tonight?

 We were, but I’m here early, I’m retired now.

 

You’re retired? You gave up being a secret agent?

 No… not that i ever was one.

 

Than why did you say you’re retired?

Well, I was tired yesterday, I slept for maybe eighteen hours or so, then I spent all day hunting and playing, now I’m tired again, so I’m retired.

 

Oh, I see… you’re pulling your bad comedian act on my blog again!

 Thank you very much, ladies and germs!

 

“I think we should change topics now, Agent 028.

 I almost flew in today, but I didn’t have any wings! I ate them!

 

Agent 0281 How do you disarm a mouse?

You take away his guns! Har har!

 

Are you finally ready to be serious?

Not yet! Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

To get to the other side?

To get away from a hungry cat!

 

That’s not even funny.

It is if you’re a cat! Now how many….

 

Oh gee, look at the time! It’s time for catnip!

Cat nip? Catnip? Yes! Did yah say catnip? Am ah in time?

 

Wild Buffalo Betty! You’re too lat tonight, would you mind doing this tomorrow?

 Only if’en ah get catnip both nights!

 

Deal! Just don’t try to crack any jokes tomorrow night, okay?

Ah only crack eggs.

 

Thank you for reading this tonight, I’m sorry it didn’t go quite the way I expected it to. Tomorrow night I’ll have Wild Buffalo Betty and she’ll be answering a few questions on her own. Goodnight everyone!

Ask a human, week four

Agent 028 here, I’m about to question the human known as Colin, a.k.a. Mageowl, he’s been good at evading questions before, tonight I hope to trick him…

 

Colin, where were you ten hours from now?

 Huh? You mean where was I? Or where will I be?

 

Just answer the question!

How can I answer it if you won’t tell me just what you are asking?’

 

Very well… I see I’ll have to get rough with you!’

 Hey! Get your tail out of my face!

 

Now maybe you’ll tell me just why you were trying to sleep last night when I wanted my ear scratched?

 Because it was the middle of the night?

 

A ha! So you admit it! You admit to sleeping at night?

 Sure, nearly everyone does, you do too, Agent 028.

 

That doesn’t matter, I’m better than anyone else… dang it, here comes Wild Buffalo Betty! I’ve got to run!

 Huh? Why do you alway run away when she comes around?

 

Hi y’all, Hi colin. Agent 028 left? That’s probably because he owes me a mouse.

He owes you a mouse? Did he go rustling on your mouse ranch?

 

Ah thought it was ask a human day, not ask a cat night!

 You’re right, go ahead and ask me a question.

 

Am ah a pretty kitty? Aren’t ah cute? Don’t ya want to give me some catnip?

 Sigh, I know the real reason you came, Wild Buffalo Betty, you want catnip. Oh alright, let’s get you some catnip. Too bad Agent 028 left, he could have finished this post, I’ll have to come back later…

 

———————

 Agent 028 here, my plot worked perfectly, I now know the secret location where the catnip is hidden. Wild Buffalo Betty played her part purrfectly, Tomorrow night, Operation Catnip Plunder goes into effect.

 Agent 028 over and out.

Ask a cat, week twenty six

Thanks for joining me tonight after a week off, okay maybe it was more than a week. Tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty here to answer a few questions!

 

Thanks for agreeing to join me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, for week twenty six of ask a cat!

 Week twenty six? Shouldn’t that have been last week? Ah thought you had given up this series, Agent 028 thought so too.

 

Valid point, Betty, but I’m still calling it week twenty six, maybe episode twenty six or the twenty sixth edition would be better though.

 How about an all new title? Say: The foolish things cats put up with for catnip.

 

How about we skip debating the title and get down to the questions?

 Oh fine, if we must… Ah just hope the catnip is fresh.

 

Which do you prefer? French fries or coleslaw?

 Which one has catnip? Joking, ah prefer French fries if thar greasy enough, ah just love lickin’ fry grease from mah paws.

 

Interesting… next question, do you prefer twitter or instagram?

 Twitter of course, ah just love the birdies.

 

Now for a question that all Doctor Who fans will debate, which Doctor is your favorite?

It a good show, ah’ve enjoyed most of the episodes Ah’ even watched, but ah prefer the First Doctor, if only because of his best companion.

 

Which companion was that? Barbara? Susan? Ian?

No… not even close, Dorothea Chaplet!

 

Oh, you mean Dodo?

Yes, Dodo, like ah said earlier, ah like the birdies.

 

Okay… that answer threw me for a loop.

Really? I yawned, would you mind doing another loop?

 

I think we’re done for tonight. Do you have any last words for our readers tonight?

Sure! You go get the catnip and I’ll finish up here!

 

Sorry, Betty, but there’s no catnip tonight, you and Agent 028 finished it last night.

 No catnip? No catnip? Nooooo!

 

I guess it’s up to me to finish this after all, Wild Buffalo Betty just ran off.

 Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post, for Wild Buffalo Betty, I’m Colin, aka Mageowl, saying goodnight!

Cooking with Agent 028

You’re likely wondering why I agreed to do a post on this blog by myself. I can assure you I’m not being bribed with catnip like another cat on here… still if Wild Buffalo Betty can do a cooking post, so can I!

 Today I’d like to show you how to cook a favorite meal of mine… you might want to know the name of it, but that’s classified.

Here’s how you start:

 Take a certain amount of a certain meat, prepare it in a secret manner only known to twenty cats in the world and heat it in an oven at a redacted temperature.

 Now while that is cooking, take a (censored) and slice it in half with a chef’s knife. Dice it in to exactly x number of pieces and sauté in a pan. I’d like to tell you what size pan and what type of oil to use, but I’d have to kill you if I did… aren’t I cute? That’s my secret weapon you know, lethal cuteness.

 Now let’s make a nice sauce to mix everything together in. Take a jar of something I can’t reveal, add it to the pan and mix until everything is well combined. Simmer it until it’s a classified thickness, then place a lid on the pan and take it off the heat, it should be at perfect secret temperature in just a few minutes.

 It’s now been a set length of time since the meat has been in the oven, it’s ready, now we mix everything together and it’s ready to eat!

Now that’s my favorite dish, what’s yours?

Ask a cat, week twenty five

I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, she’s graciously agreed to answer a few questions… however I think she’s going to ask for something.

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty.

 Ah’m happy to be here, Colin, as happy as a cat in a field of catnip.

 

That’s… an interesting analogy, very colorful.

 Ah reckon not, everyone knows catnip is supposed to be green.

 

True… now on to something else involving a lot of green, what do you think about Amazon buying out Whole Foods?

 Ah think it’s a fine thing… least as long as they deliver lots of cat treats and plenty of catnip.

 

I’m sure they deliver both of those already. You seem preoccupied with catnip tonight.

 Catnip? Catnip? Y’all want to give me catnip right now? Oh alright, even if it means not answering more questions tonight, ah’ll make that sacrifice for you.

 

Somehow I think you’re the one who wants catnip… oh okay, you and those eyes. Let’s get you some catnip… but first do you have any parting words?

 Ah surely do! Goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow…. now where’s my catnip?

 

Goodnight everyone, thanks for reading! Feel free to post questions in the comments for either cat to answer next week.

Ask a human, week three

Hi y’all, Ah’m Wild Buffalo Betty, it’s my turn to ask Colin some questions this week…  ah cant wait to hear his answers!

 

Hi Collin, Ah’m glad ya could join me to answer a few questions, are ya ready? 

I’m ready, Betty! I can’t wait to hear the questions you have for me!

 

Ah’m glad to hear that, Colin, for Ah reckon Ah’ve got a few good ones that might stump ya tonight!

 Stump me? This isn’t a game!

 

First. Question: What is the sum total of wild mice in the house?

None, you’ve domesticated them, haven’t you?

 

Correct1 Next question, this one is worth ten belly rubs! How many cattle would a cat rustle if a cat could rustle cows?

 None, cats are too smart, you’d get me to do it somehow.

 

Correct! You may now pet my belly… or you can risk everything and answer another question!

 I guess I’ll risk it, what’s your next question?

 

Where is the catnip?

The catnip is put away where you will never find it, Wild Buffalo Betty! You can have some once we’re done.

 

Sorry! That answer is incorrect! Ah have the catnip right here!

 What? how.. you couldn’t have…it was in a closed drawer!

 

Better luck next time, Colin! Thanks for playing our game tonight! Ah’m sure everyone was rootin’ for ya!

Goodnight everyone, Ah’m Wild Buffalo Betty saying move ’em out!

Jokes for June 22nd 

Sorry about the jokes being a bit rare this month. I’ll do my best tonight, I hope you enjoy!

 

What do you get if you cross a baseball with a football?

I’m not sure, but it won’t work for either sport.

 

What did the spy say to the chef at the burger place?

I need the recipe to the secret sauce!

 

Why did the spy make a good chef?

He was always able to acquire secret recipes.

 

Why was the say turned chef irreplaceable?

He was the only one with clearance to the recipes.

 

Why did the spy decide to become a short order chef?

He wanted to come in from the cold.

 

I hope you enjoyed these jokes, thanks for reading!

Ask a cat, week twenty four

Another week, another question for a cat. Luckily I’m not asking either cat twenty four questions tonight, if I did we’d be here all night.

 Tonight Agent 028 is going to provide a few cryptic answers to my questions.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions, Agent 028. 

Eh, I didn’t have anything else to do, I defeated the forces of Mousefield last night and I don’t have to deal with any of DOGS angents until tomorrow night.

 

I see. So, Agent 028, what do you think of all the elections that have been held recently, do you believe any votes were changed by hacking?

 Votes changed by hacking? Not on your life! I’ll have you know that we CATS agents are always on the job! Why not a vote is cast that we don’t double check and correct!

 

Correct? That sounds like changing votes to me.

 Don’t worry about it, Colin, we only make sure that the right sort of people are elected, those who favor better treats for cats and unlimited catnip.

 

So, just how do you correct these votes? Do you use laptops? Or just smartphones?

Neither. We wake people up before dawn and hypnotize them with our special stares, it never fails.

 

Okay… moving on, how about this weather? Near record highs in places!

 Has it been warm? I’ve been sleeping. I do enjoy a nice warm sun beam.

  

You mean to tell me you haven’t noticed how hot it’s been?

 Hey, you wear a fur coat year round, you’ll get used to it too.

 

Somehow I expected a few cryptic answers this week, I didn’t expect you to be so forthcoming in your answers.

 Oh… I can be cryptic. The reason I wasn’t has to do with tomorrow being the day of fur.

 

Day of fur?

Yes, Fursday.

 

Well that’s it for tonight, if we go on much longer Agent 028 will start cracking jokes!

  How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

I hope everyone enjoyed these questions! I’ll be back with Wild Buffalo Betty next week!

None, they still use candles!

 Goodnight everyone!

Ask a human, week two

Greetings, I’m 028, Agent 028. Tonight it’s Colin’s turn to answer some questions, revenge can be sweet sometimes, bwhaa ha ha… er, I mean purr!

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Colin, are you ready to answer some questions?

 I’m ready! Thanks for having me… though this is odd, I’m normally the one doing the asking.

 

First question… where were you on the night of the 23rd?

Of which month? And why do you want to know?

 

May?

 May what? Are you wanting catnip already? We have barely begun the questions!

 

I’ll take catnip, I guess… wait! I want to know where you were on May 23rd!

 Oh, that kind of May. I guess I was probably either working on my blog or scratching your ear.

 

 Ah ha! So you admit to stealing the secrets?

 What? What secrets?

 

You’ll never win, I’ll stop you yet! No! Not my ear…. curse you, you know the one weakness I have, an ear scratch and a double helping of catnip!

  

Well, it looks like Agent 028 doesn’t have any more questions for me, I’m sure Wild Buffalo Betty will have plenty of questions for me again next week.

Ask a cat, week twenty three

Tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty here, she’s agreed to answer some questions… a little to eagerly I might add… and without the promise of catnip.

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty. Is there anything you’d like to say before we get started?

 Yes! Yes ah would, Colin, its mighty nice o’ you to ask. Ah’d like to share mah sorrow in the loss of that fine actor.

 

I didn’t know you were a Adam West fan.

Adam West? Ah mean Batman, he played Adam West, right? You just take off that mask an he don’t look the same. Course even with the mask on, no one could confuse him with a desperado.

 

Uh… Betty? Batman was played by Adam West in the 1960s tv show. Still I’m sure everyone is happy to know even cats enjoyed that show.

 Sure do, we love the ropin’ and the horse riding! What more can ya ask for in a tv show?

 

Roping? I don’t know about that…

Well the western episodes then, #s 59 and 60, with the outlaw Shame? Great episodes! Great western set too.

 

Ah yes… I remember now. Still I’m surprised you’d enjoy a show about Batman and Robin, seeing as how you’re a cat and all.

 Oh, that… ah’ll admit it ain’t easy at first, plus I always did root for cat woman and all the lions and tigers they found themselves staring down. Yet I’d rather root for a bat or Robin instead of a joker or penguin… but… riddle me this Colin: what has two cats and yet few likes?

 

I give up, Betty, what?

This blog! Hahahaha!

 

Now Betty, it’s summer and not as many people read blogs during the summer. Don’t you have a nicer riddle than that?

 Okay, sure… what’s green, smells nice and needs to be given to a certain cat right now?

 

Catnip?

You got it on the first try! Now let’s get going!

 

Well it looks like that’s all for tonight… but be sure to tune in next week… same blog, same general time!