Jokes for June 22nd 

Sorry about the jokes being a bit rare this month. I’ll do my best tonight, I hope you enjoy!

 

What do you get if you cross a baseball with a football?

I’m not sure, but it won’t work for either sport.

 

What did the spy say to the chef at the burger place?

I need the recipe to the secret sauce!

 

Why did the spy make a good chef?

He was always able to acquire secret recipes.

 

Why was the say turned chef irreplaceable?

He was the only one with clearance to the recipes.

 

Why did the spy decide to become a short order chef?

He wanted to come in from the cold.

 

I hope you enjoyed these jokes, thanks for reading!

Jokes for June 8th (by Agent 028)

I’m 28… Agent 28, I like my catnip shredded, not chopped. Last night Colin asked me to help with the jokes tonight… just like Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, so tonight I went ahead and… immobilized Colin in a fashion similar to how Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, only I used some feather toys and jingling balls in addition to the yarn, he won’t get free anytime soon. Well that’s enough set up, now it’s time for my favorite jokes, enjoy.

 

Why did the mouse cross the road?

Because he knew better than to cross a cat!

 

Why did the cat become a spy?

Sorry, I can’t reveal that.

 

When the cat’s arch-villain released a thousand trained ninja mice, what did the cat say?

Looks like fun!

 

Why did the cat catch mouse?

It was a lot easier than catching a cold!

  

How do you tell a cat from a lion?

Sorry, the answer is classified.

 

A lion, a lynx and a tiger go into a bar, the bartender says…. sorry, the rest of this joke is top secret.

 

(This joke has been classified by CATS and will be replaced by a cat poem)

A butterfly, on its fragile wings,

A mouse on fast mousy legs,

A bird awing,

While all of these may be my prey,

Catnip is bettter than any of them.

 

I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight. I’ve got a thousand more, but I’ve got to go on a mission… I mean, I think I hear a mouse!

 Goodnight everyone!

Jokes for May 4th

Tonight I’m going to try something new, knock knock jokes! Yes, thanks to the cooperation of Wild Buffalo Betty, I can offer up some of the best knock knock jokes ever written! Enjoy!  

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Doctor 

Doc Holiday! I thought you were in tombstone!

 

 Betty, that’s not how these jokes work, remember I explained you part?

Whoops, sorry, I just got excited, it won’t happen again, promise.

 Okay, Wild Buffalo Betty, let’s try it again!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Doctor

Doc! You sent me back! Back from…

 

That’s not even a western!

Part three is, Colin.

You’ve got me there, Betty, let’s move on.

Ready! I’ll get it right this time!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Arrr!

Yikes! A pirate! Where’s my Winchester?

  

Betty!

Sorry… I goof up again, but I don’t like pirates…

It’s okay, Betty, I’ll try one that’s not so scary for you.

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Police

Police? I ain’t an outlaw! I wear a white hat! I like John Wayne! I don’t rustle cattle!

 

Relax, Wild Buffalo Betty, it’s just a joke.

Oh… right… I goofed again, didn’t I?

Let’s try another one, okay?

Ready, Colin, I’ll do my best!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Orange

Orange? I hate oranges! Can’t you find me some catnip instead?

 

Sigh…

 

Knock knock 

Who’s thar?

Catnip

Catnip who?

How do I know? You wanted catnip!

 

I don’t think these jokes are very funny, Colin, do you humans really enjoy them?

When the joke goes right, they can be funny.

If you say so… I think I’ll just keep answering questions if you don’t mind…

That might be for the best, Betty, maybe we can try these jokes some other time. Do you want to say anything to our readers?

 Sure! It’s May 4th, I think, so may Tom Baker be with you!

 

Thanks for reading, Wild Buffalo Betty and I will be back tomorrow with questions and answers.

Jokes for April 27th

I’ve got a few jokes for you tonight, including an old favorite of mine, I hope you enjoy them, I doubt you could find any other jokes that beet them!

 

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Why did the farmer plant root crops instead of wheat?

He wanted to say he beet this neighbor farm with his crop.

 

Why did the farmer turned boxer insist on only using a certain root crop to dye his gloves?

Because it was one way he could beet his opponent.

  

What did the farmer tell the getaway driver after he had robbed a bank?

Let’s beet it!

  

What did the farmer yell at the trespasser?

Beet it!

  

A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing,the farmer said everything was. Coming up roses. The city slicker congratulation end the farm, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

 

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Thanks for reading!

Jokes for April 13th

I didn’t have the chance to come up with any new jokes, so I thought I’d dust off a few classic jokes, enjoy!

 

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What kind of bed do berries like best?

Straw.

 

What did the criminal turned baseball player say after he bought a house?

“I’ll never steal home again!”

  

 Why do baseball pitchers make excellent bowlers?

Because they know how to throw strikes.

  

Why did the omelet refuse to pitch at a certain ballpark?

The fans were always egging him on. 

 

Why do pack rats make excellent pinch runners?

They are always stealing. 

  

Why did the prospector never go hungry?

There was always something in his pans. 

 

How do mechanics fry their French fries?

In an oil pan. 

  

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for April 6th

It’s Thursday night again, but much more importantly is the fact that it’s the first week of baseball season! Enjoy these baseball jokes.

 

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Why was the golfer banned from being a ball boy?

Because he kept getting a hole in one.

  

Why did the chef quit the team?

He couldn’t cut the mustard.

 

Why did the baseball team sign a knitter?

They needed a more good mitts.

 

Why did the baseball manager hire the lemonade as a scout?

Because it had found a good pitcher.

 

Was the vampire hunter bet concerned about the baseball season opener?

Of course, he had quite a stake in it.

  

Why did the frog watch the baseball game?

He had always dreamed of being a catcher.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 30th

It’s been a quick week, but I managed to coke up with three jokes for you tonight, enjoy!

 

What did the farmer say when he forgot to sell his banana crop?

He said he slipped up.

 

What did the farmer say about the outlook for his orchard?

Everything was peachy.

 

Why did the avocado farmer want to build a house from avocado seeds?

He wanted to say he lived in the pits.

 

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 16th

It’s time for jokes and it’s almost St. Patrick’s day, enjoy these jokes!

 

 

What did the taxi driver do when a passenger told him his taxi was old.

He shrugged and said “Cabbage.”

 

What game does St. Patrick refuse to play?

Snake.

 

Why did the farmer feed his cows nothing but maize?

He wanted some corned beef.

 

 I hope you enjoyed thiese jokes! Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 9th

It’s Thursday night again, that means it’s time for some jokes! I hope you enjoy, I tried to find something that would appeal to everyone.

 

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Why did the bell offer to make a fruit salad?

Because it was good at peeling.

 

Why did the chef complain that he felt like a bell?

Because he had been peeling all day.

 

What did people say about the desert the chef made in the shape of a bell?

It was a-pealing.

 

What happened when the banana ran into the bell?

It peeled.

 

When the clockmaker ran out of chimes, he put an orange in his new clock, he hoped that it would let out a peel when struck.

 

Why did the bell like apples instead of strawberries?

They had a good peel.

 

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I hope these jokes made you laugh. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 3rd

It’s Friday night, time for Thursday night jokes, sorry for the delay.

 

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Why did the chef win an Oscar?

It was for something he whipped up.

 

Why did the chef become an inventor?

He enjoyed whipping up new things.

 

How did the chef get enough money to build a new restaurant?

He buttered up an investor during a toast.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope to be back on schedule next week.