How to ruin any food: Soft Tacos

Tonight I’m going to show you how to ruin soft tacos. This soft take on the classic hard or crisp taco is quite tasty and even easier to ruin than normal tacos.

I hope you’re ready to enjoy a batch of ruined soft tacos!

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

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What they are:

A soft taco is basically a small flour tortilla with beans, meat, cheese and other toppings piled on one side of the tortilla and the other side folded over.

 

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History of soft tacos:

 

The history of tacos is interesting in itself, in fact it seems that what we know today as a soft taco is more traditional than the hard-shelled tacos, though the original soft tacos would have been made with corn tortillas instead of flour ones.

The history of tacos is an uncertain one, though there are references to it having been invented any time between 1500s and the 1800s, though it is possible it is a lot older than either of those dates.

If you’re interested in more details behind the origin of tacos, I suggest these fascinating sites:

National Taco Day: History of the Taco and Recipes

http://allabouttacos.weebly.com/

 

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How to make a soft taco:

 

A soft taco is very simple to make, simply take the filling you normally use for a taco and assemble your soft taco on its side in layers. Normally you’d do it something like this:

Tortilla (of course)

Beans (spread on one half the tortilla)

Meat (right smack dab on top of the beans)

Cheese (On top of the meat)

Salsa

lettuce and sour cream optional.

Fold the tortilla over the filling and enjoy.

 

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How to ruin them:

Now we come to the fun part of the post, ruining soft tacos!

You can ruin your soft tacos by doing any single thing listed below, or if you really want a ruined soft taco, mix and match any  number of the ideas below. Have fun!

Tortillas:

The tortilla is perhaps the most critical part of a soft taco.  The best way to ruin a tortilla is to make them yourself, in which case I suggest reading my post on ruining tortillas:

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/08/09/how-to-ruin-any-food-tortilas/

If you don’t have the time to ruin your tortillas from scratch, there are still a few things you can do to store-bought tortillas:

  • Place the tortillas into a low over until they begin to turn crispy, the tortilla will break when you try to fold it, helping to ruin your soft taco.
  • Take a sharp knife and cut a tiny slit into the center of each tortilla, once folded this will rip and the filling will spill out, ruining your soft taco.
  • Get the largest tortillas you can find, these will be too large to easily eat as a soft taco, ruining your meal.
  • Brush your tortillas with melted butter and shake a mixture of nutmeg and cinnamon on, allow to sit until the butter hardens up. The result will be a tortilla that tastes like it was meant for a dessert, plus if enough butter was used, it’ll become slippery in the eaters hand, ruining the meal.

Refried Beans:

Ruining refried beans is quite easy, I point you to the post I wrote about ruining them:

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/09/28/how-to-ruin-any-food-refried-beans/

Cheese:

Ah, cheese, perhaps one of my favorite ways to ruin something. The wrong cheese can turn a great meal into a ruined meal in seconds.

To ruin your soft tacos, consider using any of the following cheeses instead of cheddar:

  • Limburger
  • Mozzarella
  • Swiss
  • Blue cheese (also adds that moldy color, double the ruin!)
  • Munster

 

Toppings:

What’s better than the toppings on a taco, soft or otherwise?

Try a few of these toppings on your next soft taco to ruin it:

  • Strawberry jam
  • Strawberry jam mixed with pickle relish to mimic salsa.
  • Coleslaw
  • Sauerkraut
  • Spaghetti sauce
  • Mustard
  • Ketchup
  • Barbecue sauce
  • Pesto

Sour cream replacements:

  • Vanilla ice cream
  • Mint ice cream
  • Tomato ice cream (there really is such a thing)
  • Buttered popcorn
  • Frozen yogurt

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There you have it, several ways to ruin soft tacos. Did I miss any? What is your favorite way to ruin a soft taco? Have a food you’d like to see me ruin? Leave a comment!

Thanks for reading!

 

Ruining food: A look back

Tonight I thought I’d take a few minutes to look back at the foods I ruined around this date during the past two years.

First off is my ninth ruining food post, which was on ruining tacos:

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/06/01/how-to-ruin-any-meal-tacos/

A quick glance at it shows just how much I’ve changed and improved this series of posts over its run. Besides the typos (which still happen, I’m afraid to say),  it’s not as well-organized or as informative.

One thing you might notice is the title itself, which is ruining any meal instead of food, a minor change I made quite a while ago.

This post is also now on my list to revisit, perhaps as soon as next week, I hope to add several new ideas for ruining a taco, I also hope to be able to find a little more out about the exact origin of tacos themselves.

 

Next we turn to last years post, on ruining meatballs.

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/06/07/how-to-ruin-any-food-meatballs/

As you can easily see, this post is a lot closer to how I currently do them, well-organized and fairly informative.

However it is entirely to general in terms of ruining a food, it does the job, but a series of posts each one featuring a different meatball would be better and are also on my list of foods to ruin.

I hope you enjoyed this brief look back at this series, next week I’ll be bringing you a brand new post with food ruined to perfection.

If there are any foods you think would make good candidates to ruin, please feel free to suggest them in the comments.

Thanks for reading.

How to ruin any food: Oatmeal cookies

I guess it’s been quite awhile since I ruined a food, tonight I hope to make up for that.

I’m  going to ruin oatmeal cookies tonight, if you enjoy oatmeal cookies, I’m sorry. If you dislike oatmeal cookies and wish more people did, make a batch of these for your friends and I promise you they won’t enjoy oatmeal cookies anymore!

Please note that I’m ruining pure oatmeal cookies tonight, not oatmeal raisin cookies, those are worth a post of their own one day.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

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What it is:

 

An oatmeal cookie is a flat cookie normally made with rolled oats. Some oatmeal cookies are frosted or iced, while others are enjoyed plain.

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History of oatmeal cookies:

The origins of oatmeal cookies are hazy at best, just like the best foods that I’ve ruined here.

A common belief is that oatmeal cookies are descended from oat cakes made by the Scots and British. At some point during the middle ages raisins were added.

It appears that what we know as an oatmeal cookie today didn’t really exist before some time in the 1880s, roughly.

For more information of the probable origins of oatmeal cookies and the history of oats and oatmeal in general, I heartily recommend the following site:

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodcookies.html#oatmeal

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How to make oatmeal cookies:

Oatmeal cookies are among the easier cookies to make, they can contain as few six ingredients or quite a few more, depending on the recipe you use.

A basic oatmeal cookie recipe looks something like this:

 

1 cup butter

1 cup brown sugar

1 & 1/2 cups flour

2 eggs

1  & 1/2 cups rolled oats

1 tsp vanilla

Mix everything together and bake at 350° until golden brown, roughly 10 minutes.

 

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How to ruin them:

 

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the oatmeal cookie!

There are many ways of ruining this cookie, odd as it may seem for such a simple cookie.

 

Oats:

The first place to start is with the oatmeal itself.

  • Use oat grass (the edible stalk of the plant that produces the oat) and corn meal. You’ll end up with something nice and ruined, but yet healthy.
  • Use whole oats, this will result in an inedible cookie, effectively ruining the cookie.
  • Make your cookie without outs of any kind and bake them, as soon as you remove them from the oven press a handful of dried rolled oats on the top, while still edible, they will be dry and unappetizing.
  • Make a dry gruel out of your oatmeal and bake without any addition. These will be nasty tasting and ruined.
  • Soak your oats briefly in water with blue or green food coloring, with luck anyone eating one will be wondering if it’s moldy.

While there are likely other ways to ruin the oats, I think these are enough for tonight.

Butter:

Ah, butter, another wonderful way to ruin anything.

The easiest way to ruin butter is to add food coloring to it, I prefer blue or green, of course, but purple or red will work just as well.

Brown your butter first: melt it in a pan and cook until it turns brown, this supposedly  increases the taste, however we want to go well beyond browned to nearly blackened, then allow it to harden up again before using it, this will add a nice burnt taste to your oatmeal cookies, which at the very least will have your guests glancing at the bottom of the cookie to see if it did burn, which will ruin the experience of eating the cookie.

 

There are many other ways of ruining butter, such as replacing it with rancid lard, but I think the ideas I’ve mentioned are enough for tonight.

Frosting/icing

If you want to frost or ice your oatmeal cookies, there are many ways to do that which will ruin them. I suggest using mashed potatoes or sour cream.

For more ideas, please check out my post on ruining frosting: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/how-to-ruin-any-food-frosting/

Other ways:

There are a number of other ways to ruin oatmeal cookies:

  • Bake them until they are blackened.
  • Under bake them so they are still gooey.
  • Add cayenne powder to the batter.
  • Add curry powder to the batter.
  • Bake them six months in advance.
  • Add root beer to the dough.

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That’s all the ideas I have right now for ruining oatmeal cookies, have I missed any? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

 

A ruined St. Patrick day meal

So you want to ruin a meal for St. Patrick’s day? Well you came to the right place!

  

 First off I’d like to refer you to my post How to ruin any food: Corned Beef https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/03/08/how-to-ruin-any-food-corned-beef/

 

That’s a great place to start, not to mention corned beef is the backbone of the meal.

 Next you need your vegetables, I’d start with ruined baked potatoes: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/05/03/how-to-ruin-any-food-baked-potatoes/

  

 However if you prefer your potatoes ruined in mashed form, try this post: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/10/12/how-to-ruin-any-food-mashed-potatoes/

 

Now you need a dish with cabbage, no St. Patrick day meal is complete without cabbage! Coleslaw is a nice cabbage dish you can ruin: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/08/17/how-to-ruin-any-food-coleslaw/

 

  That should be a nice ruined meal for you to make, enjoy!

Thanks for reading!

How to ruin any food: Potato soup

It’s time to ruin another food! Tonight we’re ruining potato soup, which looks to be quite interesting, both in the ruining of it as well as the history of it.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

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What it is:

Potato soup is, of course, a soup made from potatoes. It’s comprised of potatoes, broth and often a bit of bacon.

There are many recipes for potato soup, too many to sift through to create a basic soup, so I apologize about not including a recipe for it in this post.

While a basic soup, it is also thought of as a comfort food by many people.

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History of potato soup:

Potato soup is an odd food, there is little to no information on the history of it, so we’re forced to look a bit further into the history of each part of this food:

The history of soup dates back to just after humans learned how to boil water.

The history of the potato seems linked to the Incas, however there are some people who debate this.

What we’re left with is this: At some point in history, people began to eat potatoes. Someone decided to boil a potato and somehow soup was created.

I fear that this is another food that we’ll never know the exact history of.

 

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How to ruin it:

 

Now we come to the fun part of this post, the ruining of potato soup. I promise you that after this you’ll never look at potato soup  in the same way, enjoy!

 

Potato replacements:

The quickest and easiest way to ruin potato soup is to replace the potato:

  • Sweet potatoes – still a potato in name, but it’ll change the soup completely.
  • Turnip – it grows underground like a potato.
  • Rutabaga – another root crop and nasty in its own right.
  • Parsnips – yet another root crop, however it can almost be mistaken for a carrot, which just makes it worse in this soup.
  • Idaho spud candy bar – remember this one? I last suggested it when I ruined potato salad a few months ago, it’ll ruin this soup too!

Broth replacements:

The broth, stock or whatever your recipe calls the liquid for this soup is the next best way to ruin potato soup:

  • Root beer – is there anything this great beverage can’t ruin?
  • Lemonade – another drink everyone loves, yet it can ruin a soup.
  • Coffee – many people enjoy coffee, but not when added to potatoes in a soup.
  • Grape juice – or really any fruit juice, will help ruin this soup.
  • Vodka – it’s made from potatoes after all, however I’d suggest serving this soup cold.

Spices:

Spices are another nice way to ruin a soup. A good soup is carefully seasoned, just enough of a few spices and everything blends perfectly… however when you ruin a soup, you want to use lots of any or all of these spices!

  • Cumin
  • Curry powder
  • Caraway
  • Horseradish
  • Anise
  • Licorice

A few last ways to ruin it:

Yes, once again I have a few ideas that don’t seem to fit into the other categories, I might have been able to squeeze them in, but I thought this spot was better for them:

 

Marshmallows: A handful or five of marshmallows can work wonders for a soup, if your soup is thick enough, they will make it gooey.

 

Potatoes: In addition to replacing the potato with something else, you can just use uncooked potatoes and make sure that they stay hard, this is a perfect way to ruin this soup!

 

Serve it cold: When I say cold, I mean cold! Freeze your soup in bowls and get some dry ice. Before you serve the soup, put a bit of dry ice on top and watch as your guests try to taste it, they will think the steam is because it’s piping hot!

 

Another way to play havoc with this soup and your guests is to serve it with a scoop of ice cream floating on top, just make sure that it’s an odd flavor of ice cream that won’t taste good with your soup, I suggest strawberry or mint chocolate chip.

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That’s all the ways I could come up with to ruin potato soup, did I miss any? What’s your favorite way to serve potato soup? Let me know in the comments!

I hope you enjoyed this post, thank you for taking the time to read it!

How to ruin any food: 3 bean soup

Welcome back to How to Ruin any food! I enjoyed my food mash-ups, but it’s time to get back to ruining food (at least for this week).

Tonight we’re going to ruin 3 bean soup, though I suppose you could say three bean soup instead, either way you write it, it’s the same soup, or at least it was until tonight! I hope you enjoy!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

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What it is:

3 bean soup is a soup consisting of a broth, seasonings and of course beans, normally navy and kidney beans, oddly enough most recipes you find do not use a third type of bean.

 

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History of 3 bean soup:

Unfortunately the origin of 3 bean soup and in fact any bean soup is nearly impossible to discover. Soup in general seem to have been invented as soon as the means to boil water came around. Beans also seem to have been around for such a long time that the history of how a bean fell into boiling water for the first time is lost.

That does not mean that we can’t imagine what might have happened, thus I have three theories:

  1. Some one was trying to soften dried beans up for a meal long ago and was in a hurry, decided to put them in hot water to see if the beans would be ready sooner.
  2. Some one, seeing the possible benefits of a soup made with beans boiled some dried beans.
  3. A large earthquake knocked a sack of dried beans into a pot of boiling water, not wanting to waste food, or perhaps being unable to afford to waste it, the owner of the beans and water ate the soup and decided they enjoyed it.

There are of course several more ways that bean soups could have been invented, however these three seem likeliest.

If you know of any other ideas behind bean soups, please share them in the comments.

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How to make it:

At the most basic, 3 bean soup is little more than beans and broth with a few seasonings tossed in. Recipes abound and it seems everyone has a favorite, so I won’t even try to offer a recipe for a good batch of 3 bean soup.

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How to ruin it:

Now we come to the fun part: ruining the soup! This is what you’ve been waiting for, in a few moments you’ll know how to ruin your next batch of 3 bean soup.

Bean replacements:

The first thing to change is the beans, while many recipes only call for two kinds of beans, we’re going to go all out and ruin 3 bean soup that contains all three beans!

  • Jelly beans – Chose your favorite three flavors!
  • Garbanzo beans – A bean is a bean, right? Use with any two other beans.
  • Green beans – Still a bean.
  • Meatballs made from kidney, navy and pinto beans – all three beans mixed into one, simple yet fun.
  • Miniature marshmallows who said you have to make bean soup with beans? These are small enough to almost look like beans. Serve this soup cold and add the marshmallows at the end.

Broth replacements:

Next we turn to the broth, as this is a soup, the broth is important, possible even more important than the beans:

  • Root beer – root beer… need I say more?
  • Lemon juice – tart and tangy, just what a soup needs.
  • Grape juice – for when you need your soup purple in color, it adds an interesting taste to the beans as well.
  • Melted vanilla ice cream – This will have your guests asking ‘Is this soup or did dessert melt?’
  • Ginger ale – the age-old question: beer or ale? Why not both?
  • Tomato sauce – with beans, not too ruined, with marshmallows? Ruined.

Spices:

What is a soup with out seasonings or spices? Not much, try these ideas for a twist of normal 3 bean soup, I promise that if used with any of the other ways listed in this post, these spices will help ruin your soup!

  • Curry powder – use lots, with marshmallows it’s great… ly ruined that is.
  • Horseradish – too much of this can ruin nearly anything.
  • Mustard powder – adds a bit of color and a lot of taste, I suggest using with melted ice cream for the best texture.
  • Cloves – strong enough to startle anyone, yet subtle enough to meld with tomato sauce.
  • Cinnamon – just remember, not everyone likes this spice!
  • Cocoa powder – I thought chocolate made everything better, but maybe not beans.

 

Other ways:

Here we have a few last ways to ruin you 3 bean soup, these might have almost fit in another category, but I thought they deserved a place by their own:

  • Garnish with marshmallows
  • Garnish with onion slice with a pile of Parmesan.
  • Use regular beans, just use them dried and heat only until your liquid starts to boil, if using melted ice cream, don’t even bother to heat.

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There you have it, several ideas for helping you ruin your next pot of 3 bean soup. Did I miss an obvious way to ruin this soup? Let me know if the comments.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post!

How to ruin any food: Fudge

Tonight we’re going to ruin fudge. Yes, you read that right, fudge. While it might be a staple of winter months and holidays, it can be ruined any time of the year.

I apologize to everyone who loves fudge, which is nearly everyone in the world come to think about it.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

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What it is:

Fudge is a very taste kind of chocolate candy. When made perfectly, it’s light and melts in your mouth.

 

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History of Fudge:

The history of fudge is about normal for the foods I ruin, in that it is not exactly certain who invented it, when it was invented or ever where it was invented, however there are several theories.:

  1. In the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island, Michigan, a candy maker accidentally ruined a batch of chocolate fondue and created Fudge.
  2. Someone in Baltimore Maryland somehow created fudge and began selling it. This is very vague and I put very little faith in it.
  3. Someone was making caramels and somehow made a tasty error that resulted in fudge. Again this is very vague and hard to put much faith into to.
  4. It is also possible that fudge is not an American invention as is widely believed, but is instead related to a Scottish confection called Tablet.

If you’re interested in more in-depth information about the history of fudge, I suggest the following websites:

http://www.bbgees.com/History_of_Fudge_Explained.html

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-history-of-fudge.htm

 

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How to make it:

I believe there are at least two fudge recipes for every person alive.

While that may be an exaggeration, there are many recipes for fudge and everyone says that they have the best recipe. I am not going to take sides in making good fudge, instead I’m focusing on ruining it.

However there are a few things all fudges have in common:

  1. Chocolate
  2. Sugar
  3. Milk (regular or sweetened condensed)

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How to ruin it:

Ruining fudge is very easy, perhaps easier than anything else I’ve ruined.

Sugar replacements:

Replacing the sugar is by far the easiest way to ruin or fudge:

  • Flour
  • Cornstarch
  • Salt

Additions:

Many people add nuts to their fudge, if this is what you do, congratulations! You’ve already ruined your fudge!

For those of you who enjoy nuts in your fudge (which is my mind is just… well, nuts), try adding any of these additions instead:

  • Mushrooms.
  • Olives.
  • Whole cherry tomatoes.
  • Bell peppers, chopped.

If you enjoy adding coconut to your fudge, which is slightly less objectionable than nuts, try these instead:

  • Grated horse-radish
  • Dry spaghetti noodles, broken.
  • Grated Parmesan cheese
  • Thinly sliced onions.

Spices:

Spices are another easy way to ruin a batch of fudge, consider any of these:

  • Mustard seed
  • Pepper flakes
  • Curry powder
  • Chili powder
  • Cumin, ground or whole seed
  • Celery seed
  • Rosemary
  • Sage
  • Garlic powder

There are many other savory spices that you can add as well.

Other ways:

There are a few other ways to ruin your next batch of fudge that do not fit anywhere else:

  • Over cook it: while very simple, this will result in fudge that doesn’t turn out.
  • Under cook it: This will result in a batch of fudge that won’t set up and will instead be soupy.
  • Replace the milk with root beer.
  • Add mayonnaise.
  • Leave out the chocolate and add soy sauce for coloring.

That’s about all the ideas I have for tonight for ruining fudge. Do you have any ideas for ruining fudge? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

How to ruin any food: Peanut Brittle

Tonight we’re going to ruin Peanut Brittle. While many of us might not eat it, it’s still nice to know how to ruin it, just in case you find yourself in a position where you might have to ruin a batch of peanut brittle on a moments notice.

I hope you enjoy!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

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What it is:

Peanut brittle is a candy composed of peanuts and a candy brittle, which is a hard sugar or possible a toffee depending on what recipe you find.

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History of Peanut brittle:

Peanut brittle fits in this series of posts very well, partly because there is no one story about how it came to be invented.

Brittle itself is commonly thought to be one of the oldest candies in the world, its origins are, of course, lost to time.

The addition of peanuts to brittle has many legends around it, unfortunately there is really no way to know which may be true:

  • Peanuts and molasses were dumped into a river and saved a town.
  • A southern woman added baking soda to a batch of taffy and continued to cook it.
  • Aliens from Alpha Centuri landed in China and gave a farmer the recipe, saying that he was chosen to help them undermine the human race by getting a large portion of humanity addicted to the candy.
  • The recipe for Peanut brittle was found in an ancient jug floating in the sea, it was assumed to have been floating for over three thousand years and is the last fragment of Atlantis.

While I made up the last two, they seem just as likely as the other stories.

If you’re interested in reading more about the stories behind peanut brittle, I suggest the following site:

http://nationalpeanutboard.org/history/where-did-peanut-brittle-come-from-it-depends-on-whom-you-ask/

 

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How to make it:

The making of peanut brittle is much harder than most other foods I give basic recipes for. It takes sugar and water heated until the sugar begins to get thick and hard, at which point baking soda and peanuts are added. Vanilla and salt may also be added depending on your recipe. I suggest finding a good recipe and a good thermometer before trying to make a batch, unless of course you are ruining a batch, in which case just guess, it’ll help to ruin it if you don’t follow a recipe.

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How to ruin it:

Ruining peanut brittle is fairly simple, there are many ways to do it, from adding spices to replacing the peanuts, there are more ways than you can easily shake a stick at, if you do try to shake a stick at these ideas, please go ahead and add the stick once you are done shaking it.

Peanut replacements:

  • Black jelly beans,
  • Small Peppermint flavored pieces of gum.
  • Pinto beans, dried
  • Chickpeas, dried
  • Corn kernels, dried
  • Chopped garlic cloves
  • Split peas, dried.
  • Small chunks of celery stalk

Any of these replacements will ruin your peanut brittle.

Seasonings:

Seasonings are another easy way to ruin peanut brittle:

 

  • Cumin powder
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Cayenne powder
  • Rosemary

Brittle additions:

Add any of the following to your brittle to ruin it:

  • Root beer
  • Hot sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Steak sauce
  • Lemonade

Other ways:

Here are a few more ways to ruin your peanut brittle that don’t fit into the other options:

  • Use unshelled peanuts
  • Burn the brittle
  • Make it soft, freeze until hard, it will melt in hands.
  • Take marshmallow creme, add a few drops of green food coloring and drip on top of peanut brittle to make it appear molded.

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That’s about all the ideas I have right now for ruining peanut brittle, have I missed any? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

 

How to ruin any food: Frosting

Frosting, is there any other food in the world that can bring people together as well? Who doesn’t enjoy the sweet taste of frosting, be it on a cake, a doughnut, a gram cracker or just by the spoonful?

I hope you find this post informative and worth a chuckle.

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

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What is it:

Frosting is a combination of butter and sugar whipped until it’s fluffy. It can be flavored and colored.

Often mistakenly called icing, frosting is different. A good explanation on the difference between Frosting and Icing can be found at this site: http://www.diffen.com/difference/Frosting_vs_Icing

History of frosting:

The history  of frosting is fragmented to say the least. Some people claim it was invented in 1494, others say sometime in the 16th century, no one gives any idea who invented it or under what circumstances. A few reference sites an unnamed french chef in the 16th century, which is very vague to say the least.

So while the history of frosting must remain a mystery, at least we can continue to enjoy it… unless it’s ruined frosting, of course.

 

How to make it:

A simple frosting consists of powdered sugar (also often called confectioners sugar), butter and milk.

It’s best to have well softened butter, add some powdered sugar and milk, whip until you get a nice fluffy frosting. If desired add a flavor, such as chocolate via cocoa powder.

How to ruin it:

While a wonderful food, while I would like nothing more than to say it cannot be ruined, this is not the case, in fact frosting is very easily ruined, here are just a few ideas:

Spices:

Spices are a very good and very easy way to ruin frosting. Spices can be used to make non ruined frosting, however these following spices will ruin a good frosting:

  • Curry powder
  • Cayenne powder
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Cumin powder
  • Horseradish powder

 

Sugar replacements:

Yes, Virginia, you can replace the sugar in frosting, but it’ll ruin it:

  • Salt
  • Cornstarch
  • Flour

Any of these three ideas should turn out a frosting similar in texture to normal frosting, but will ruin it.

Butter replacements:

These butter replacements aren’t better!

  • Rancid lard
  • Oil that was used to fry onion rings
  • Margarine (it’s nasty, even if some people don’t think so.)
  • Beeswax – just make sure it’s your own beeswax and mind it well.

Milk replacements:

Is your milk on strike? Here are a few replacements!

  • Root beer – as a bonus, you get extra foamy frosting!
  • Tomato juice
  • Olive oil
  • Lemon juice – from the sourest lemons you can find preferably.
  • Lime juice – From as tart of limes as possible.
  • Coconut oil

More ideas:

Yes, I have a few more ideas that don’t happen to fit anywhere else, enjoy!

 

Celery seeds add a nice bit of flavor and stick in your teeth, just what you need to ruin frosting!

Make it lumpy, melt your butter and add a lot of powdered sugar at once, you’ll get lumps of powdered sugar.

Not lumpy enough for you? Add lumpy mashed potatoes!

Need to ruin good frosting quickly? Simply put a handful of uncooked rice in, stir it up and you have quick ruined frosting!

Have chocolate frosting? Add cracked peppercorns to get that crunchy texture.

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That’s about all the ideas I have right now for ruining frosting, have I missed any? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!