The magic of the word might on Wall Street

Today’s post is all about the magic of the word “Might” on Wall Street.

As all of you know, the U.S Government is shutdown. What you might not be aware of is that on Friday (October 11, 2013) There were rumors that a deal was in the works to restart the government and raise the debt ceiling.

While most of us are willing to watch the goings on of politicians and secretly laugh at them, Wall Street brokers, traders, speculators and embezzlers took it as a sign of great things to come and the stock market soared! A few figures (thanks to Yahoo Finance):

Dow: Up 111.04 points.

NASDAQ: Up 31.13 points.

S&P: Up 10.64 points.

Now in any game you’d say that’s pretty good. Considering that millions of dollars weren’t spent yesterday that normally would have been if the government was working, I’d say that those numbers are great!

All because a few people suggested that there would be a deal reached on Monday! That leads me to believe that the words “Might”, “Could be”, “Deal” and “Monday” have some kind of magic connected to them. So, without any further ado, I want to mention a few things:

 

  1. There’s a “rumor” that “next week” I “might” be signed to a multi-year contract to do a show on a major TV channel every “Monday”.
  2. I “might” have  a a way to make billions of dollars tax free every day.
  3. There “might” be a comet made of fudge  hitting Earth on “Monday”, it would be a sweet deal.
  4. I “might” be named emperor of Earth on “Monday”.
  5. There “might” be a “deal” in place to name me owner of every baseball team in the world on “Monday”.
  6. “Monday” marks a time in the universe that “might” lead the the destruction of every atom in the aforementioned universe.
  7. I “might” have a post on “Monday” regarding “deals” that “could be” quite important.

 

While it’s possible that any of those could come true, it’s only about as likely as the government restarting on Monday. That said, if the people on Wall Street want to bet on it… well, just make sure to give me a small cut… I’ll need it to run my baseball teams.

 

Thanks for reading and enjoy your weekend!

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A cat’s life

The life of a cat is something to be envied. A cat has the best things in life (normally) and seldom wants for anything.

 

  • A dark and dreary day? A cat can sleep until the weather turns pleasant again.
  • A blistering hot day with no sign of rain? A cat can just sleep in the sun until it’s nighttime or clouds roll in.
  • A cat doesn’t like its food? Oh well,just wait until its treat time.
  • Don’t like the treat? Just stare at the treat giver until they break down and start offering the good stuff.
  •  No good stuff forthcoming? A simple jaunt across someone’s back with claws out will make wonderful treats appear for the next day.
  • Tired of sleeping in one room? Just move to another, flop down and sleep.
  • A simple meow will get you anything, or at least drive someone crazy while they try to guess what you want.

 

These were just a few of the benefits of being a cat.

 

Bonus Benefit of being a cat:

As a cat, you don’t have to worry about rumors that the NSA is listening to the conversations of a retired bookie who has connections to a toy maker in Syria who is suspected of supplying rum to soldiers in the war zone.

 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment!

Belated Friday the 13th rumor

Rumor for Friday, September 13th:

 

 13 leaked documents from 13 secret government spying agencies say that 13 terrorist cells are in 13 cities in 13 states supported by  13  celebrities who are staring in 13 movies due to be released within the next 13 years.

 

Bonus rumor!  The 13 movies that the 13 celebrities star in will each gross $13 million!

 

 Thanks for reading, I hope you got 13 chuckles out of it!

What Apple should consider doing

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, I believe that Apple should look into buying AMD. It makes sense from all angles:

  1. It would give Apple full control over their chips, no more contracting with other companies.
  2. It would satisfy Apple stockholders who dislike Apple holding onto their profits.
  3. Apple could control rumors of inventory better, they wouldn’t have a company bragging about Apple ordering another ten million chips.
  4. Apple could keep tight reins on quality control.
  5. ADM all ready has factories in place, it would be an easy way for Apple to get into the market of developing their own chips.
  6. An ADM plant could most likely be retrofitted to produce a large enough number of ARM based chips for all of Apple’s needs.

 

There is only one large hurdle that Apple would face, besides convincing ADM to be bought out, that would be if Intel decided to complain to the government about it and it would trigger an anti-trust lawsuit, which I doubt would happen.

While I don’t really see this as happening, it makes much more sense than for Apple to buy out Dell or HP, both ideas which I believe I’ve read within the past year or so, offered up by other ‘experts’ who most likely have as much knowledge of the inter workings of Apple as I do.

 

 Now for today’s wacky conspiracy rumor:

I believe that a FBI informant will leak a secret document to the press that will reveal that Baseball players are secretly working to ban Hockey players from getting dental care. It will be revealed that the FBI learned of this plot from an NSA bug planted inside either a bat or a baseball.

 

 Thanks for reading! I hope you’ve enjoyed it!